Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thanks @Nosdacariad oh no, why do you think it won't go well?

In fairness I'm the one with kids and not divorced yet so I'm probably more of a red flag than he is 😂I just get quite unsure. Like for example, he's very responsive with messaging, even if I've had a busy day and taken hours to reply, he always replies to me quickly. But then he takes a while to ask for another date. Last time we saw each other, we'd mentioned doing something again but it got to nearly 2 weeks before he actually asked me - then it's taking another week to actually find a day we're free so 3 weeks between dates. Not sure if that's a bit too long?

@FluffyFlipflops bitter experience 😅

It sounds like quite a fragile place to be dating from?

Welcome.
Yes, hes still a stranger! Take it slow! Dont get too invested its still early days

that would feel a little long for me, I think a week to two weeks is okay for the first few dates (especially given childcare etc) but I’d like to know it was planned and not take two weeks to ask.

its whatever you are comfortable with though, does it make you feel uncertain?

Although tbf my last dating experience was 2 dates a week for a month and then it ended in disaster… so don’t take my advice!!

Just a really genetic ‘how’s your day going’ type message but definitely more than the last couple of days

I’ve been so busy at work I glanced and carried on with my job.

I did send a brief reply after a couple of hours and he replied within minutes. I’ve not replied since

I didn’t send my ‘not feeling it’ message because I feel completely different. Him sending that message because I matched his low effort was so utterly predictable shifted my thoughts and I actually don’t care now. Got my own closure now don’t need it from him. My interest has gone

And your vague has gone dryer than the Sahara desert from his low effort slow breadcrumb approach. Good girl 😘

I’m sorry most of you are having a rubbish time at the moment. Must be something in the water.

Ive had a few matches I’ve chatted to but as soon as I’ve learned enough to not be interested, I’ve apologised and wish them well but we don’t align.

men seem to just unmatch for the smallest reasons. Last night one asked for my number after 3 messages and I respectfully replied that I’d like it to stay on the app until we decide to meet and then asked a music related question. This morning I’ve been unmatched. I’m really at the point of giving up.

i wish there were a social media page we could post their bios and poor manners to just to warn other women!

The guy who unmatched you told on himself. You saved yourself from a load of sleaze x

A Facebook page like this exists where I live (not uk). I’ve seen guys on there before that I’ve matched with! Have posted and commented on a couple too.

How do you do that without setting yoursellf up for an accusation of libel?

The only FB page I’ve seen is ‘are we dating the same guy’ and there’s some pretty brutal reviews of the lying cheating gaslighters on that

Mine is going well! Mr P is incredibly attentive, messages every day without fail, we also had a call for about 2 hours the other night.

We’re seeing each other again after Easter.

He is consistent, compliments me but not love bombing, curious, VERY handsome although he is 7 years older than me.

He’s shy though. He messaged after we parted last time saying he’d been dying to kiss me. But he didn’t! I don’t think he knows where he stands with me so is hesitant to make the first move. He did say once he was intimidated and felt I was ‘out of his league’.

I’m happy to let it unfold very slowly but I also don’t want to string him along…

I mean, there’s no guarantees. It works on a trust basis. Everyone who joins the group has to adhere to a code of conduct.

Interestingly I posted Mr Charismatic on there last year, after we paused dating as while I felt he was probably being genuine about not having the headspace to date, I figured there was no harm in asking if anyone else had had a similar experience. A woman replied who said she’d dated him years ago, she said she totally vouched for him and that he was a wonderful human.

It is too long but why are you waiting for him to ask for another date? I'd be asking myself at this point and if he bolts, then he bolts.

@FluffyFlipflops 2 weeks before he asked you for another date?! What?!

Are you sure you aren't just an option here

Well well here’s a turn up - Mr non name breadcrumb low effort messaged last night asking if I want go away with him for weekend in a couple of weeks time 😂

After one date?

Can you repeat your answer?!

@TwistedWonder Omg you couldn't make it up!
Have you replied?

I’m actually away that weekend anyway but it’s a music event in a hotel so I know others who I going.

I reckon he booked with his ex (who he split with before Christmas) and doesn’t want to lose the money 😂😂

@TwistedWonder I'd say that's pretty spot on!! How annoying.

@TwistedWonder how do you feel about it are you thinking of seeing him again?

How do you all approach dating, do you generally focus on one person at a time or do you see a couple of people in the early stages?

I can only cope with one at a time 😅

I'm gonna stick to none at a time 🥲😅

@Betsy95 I kept my options open, chatted to as many people as I liked, met up for dates and tried hard not to put all my eggs in one basket and set myself up for disappointment. I did get over attached to one man in particular who just wouldn’t commit to a relationship with me but by and large I kept it breezy.

I stayed on Tinder and Hinge until one of my matches turned into something more and I felt like I wouldn’t want to jeopardise anything with him by talking to others.

@PinkNeonSign I’m thinking of doing the same and keeping options open because I do feel like I over invest otherwise

@Nosdacariad do you not get too invested, can you keep it easy breezy?

@CleanShirt hope a break from it makes you feel a bit better