Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Not brutal. Protecting your peace.

Night night x

@PoolsidePandemonium welcome 😁

That is not okay.

Welcome! If you’re going on the apps you will find this thread a godsend!

My tips with online dating would be to be quite ruthless. Don’t let conversations drag on and on. If you’re chatting and after a week there is no suggestion of meeting up I throw the ball into their court with a ‘it’s been nice chatting, let me know if you fancy meeting up some time.’ Otherwise you can waste a lot of time and it doesn’t matter how well you get on over text, it might be a different story in person so best to find out sooner rather than later.

Don’t be afraid to unmatch if you’re not feeling it. You don’t owe someone you’ve never met anything and it’s cleaner to just end it if it’s not going anywhere. My red flags in the chat are lack of effort/ not asking questions, turning things sexual too early, boring / flat chat, messages that are too infrequent.

I wouldn’t ghost someone I’d actually been on a date with and always send a message thanking them but letting them know I didn’t feel a connection.

Good luck! Have you got a certain app(s) in mind? Probably worth being on more than one to widen the net!

Ok not sure if this is right move but I feel I just need to draw a line as I’m still feeling restless and jittery.

Im going to send him one more message saying I’ve got the impression he’s not feeling it after our date. I might or might not get a reply but I just feel like it’s my way of getting closure.

Might seem a bit much after one date but I believe adults owe it to each other to be honest and respectful so it’s my way of doing what’s right for me.

I just don’t get why a grown man in his 60’s can’t just say ‘I had a lovely date but I didn’t feel a spark’ - not hard is it?

Being true to your needs is the right choice. If he doesn't reply (and I hope he does) please then block & delete xxx

I think this is the right thing to do, at least then you can say you’ve been adult and tried to communicate to understand what’s happened and then draw a line.

And yes a 60 year old man should absolutely be capable of it.

I think it’s better to do this than be left in limbo. At least you’ll know and, as you say, can get closure. The not knowing and second guessing is the worst.

@TwistedWonder l think it's the best thing to do so that you aren't left waiting and hoping. Then you can draw a line under it. In my experience sadly older men are just as unreliable and flaky as younger men. And are often even more conflict avoident! So easy to just ghost or block rather than a polite and respectful 'thank you but not for me.'

Hi I’m new here, been lurking for a while and jumped into the apps last night , bloody hell it’s shocking out there, I really need to be on here, trying to take my mind off my ex who keeps finding a way to contact/ piss me off so this is a good distraction right now.

Thanks all. Im going to send the message this evening as I don’t think it’s a message to receive at work.
Despite how he’s acted I’m still being adult and respectful about it all.

Definitely if I don’t get response or I get a load of BS he’s getting deleted and the door closed.

Ill let you all know

@TwistedWonder i think its a good thing as helps draw a line - a friend did this because she really really liked this man and she felt her emotions all over the place. I really admired her because the old her would have just been waiting but she was upfront and said she liked him but that the way it stood wasnt good for her. People respect those with boundaries.

Welcome and do you need to be in touch with your ex? No good comes of it, ask me how I know 😅

I would end it myself personally. Even if he replies now, he’s half-hearted, isn’t he?

I’d keep it breezy and say, “Thanks for the date, I liked meeting you. I get the sense you’re not interested though so I’ll bow out gracefully :) Best of luck!”

That’s pretty much perfect wording thank you. I’ve been thinking in my head how to put it

@TwistedWonder
He may well come back and say “Oh no, I really am, just been busy with xyz… let’s have a second date… blah blah”

But I wouldn’t personally.

I agree.

And if he’s made you feel this unsure this early on it would only get worse xx

You ladies know how these men operate - hes just messaged me.

It’s like as soon as we match their effort, they go into full on charm mode - twats

No way, what did he say?

@TwistedWonder how many days has it been?

Its just so predicable.

Breadcrumbs. Keeping you there just in case.

Im no ones option. I made that perfectly clear.

When a man wants you, he will chose you and prioritise you, no matter how "busy" he is or how "forgetful" he is or how "quiet" he is.....and you wont be left in any doubt or confusion.

If you settle for uncertainty, waiting around, silence and breadcrumbs now, what on earth are you going to get 2 years in?!

Ha, I knew it.

Did you send your message or not?

Can I join please? Been following the last thread for a while and only just feeling brave enough to speak up and join in!

I’m out of a long marriage with children and have never dated in my life before so this all feels alien. I’ve been on 2 dates with someone (will call him Mr Snowdon) and think we might be going for a 3rd at the weekend. Is it normal to still feel unsure by date 3? He seems really nice, I am on the constant lookout for red flags and so far there don’t seem to be any but I don’t trust anyone 😂 I was determined I’d be miserable and alone forever but my friends persuaded me to dip my toe in, my confidence was/is shot to pieces and they said I needed to learn that other people will actually fancy me, so here I am!

Welcome @FluffyFlipflops 😁 it's normal (and probably healthy) to be unsure at this stage.

You're doing well💐

I'm just planning what to do after my Friday night date doesn't work out 😅