Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I find it very hit and miss, if I get those responses I just stop answering because likewise I don’t want to carry a conversation and sometimes it’s like pulling teeth.

I would say for every 5 to 10 matches I have only 1 will be a decent conversation.

Are you adding in specific questions about their profile etc?

It sounds like you are getting the same as us with sexes reversed.

@ForRedShark how are you deciding who to message?

@ForRedShark- definitely the same for this age 60 female - these are the conversations you have at the shop till, only even they’re better!

I give a bit of leeway on the first message, as it’s just testing the answer factor I guess - but after that my life is too short.

Not sure why this is so prevalent- maybe some just aren’t used to actual messaging though? If it’s lack of bother, or effort, then just don’t bother yourself to start sending /answering would be my advice to them.

Rough guess 1/10 who answer will turn into a reasonable conversation - maybe.

Do keep us updated with insights into the guys’ approach and experiences please though - really interesting.

Ooh - the best sort of date - maybe yesterday the moon was smiling down - or something.

Mr Tree has double issued tomorrow’s date so I’m looking forward to that.

Ah - you’ve given me the right word for Mr I’m a Racist without saying I’m a Racist - a bit condescending asking why SUTR only campaigned against racism (umm clue is there my friend lol) and offering to discuss over wine - sneery is exactly the one.

I do still expect he thought himself edgy and cool - I saw your comment on nen’s ages you date - I think they can get worse with age - bless them not!

Yes, it’s good I’ve been on here as I’d not considered it happening now - more 70ish, so that’s what I meant really - new and different ballgame so to speak lol.

It has happened very odd time over my life but both times well within the relationship/ situationship - one a treatment reaction so he used the old blue pill - it’s a little pre planned but it’s fine - one aging and drink but not an ongoing issue so just brushed over no issue.

I will have to see - and learn - how to handle it, if this comes up - or doesn’t to be more detailed ha! I may be asking advice - we will see.

Well - and totally unscientifically evidenced for you - I was his first date on there.

I don’t know if he’s been around the sites before tbh - he’s had a few relationships and one quite long marriage- split over 10 years back which for me is a good thing (not that a marriage breakdown is good as such) - but maybe your poll could hold weight in the future study of OLD!

Hi, i think i have a good profile and photos, and i do message and refer to something in their profiles and I ask a question - so it isnt as though I am sending them just a " Hi" message.

So you would think that if they reply, it would be a nice, intelligent reply with a bit of wit maybe, and most importantly , asking me a question back, to make it a two way chat.

I decide whom to message if they have nice enough photos and bio. These ones do, but they just cannot engage! It makes me wonder if women who can engage well, just arent on apps anymore.

Unfortunately good communication seems to be lacking with both sexes.

I filter heavily so get very few matches so when I do get a match I expect decent messages. And yet 90% of the first messages are either hi or 👋 - not even words just a waving hand.

When I message first I find something in their bio to mention or I respond to a prompt with a well thought out response and again the majority of responses are a couple of words and no questions back.

To add also, these profiles show these women to be in decent professions in say local government, the council, banks, insurers and the profiles look normal, like mine does.

But then the conversation never gets going because they arent able to ask me simple questions back like " So what do you do?"

Thank you, so it seems that these monosyllabic women are crowding me, like those monosyllabic men are crowding you.

Double issued?

I suspect we're engaging well...however I'm no longer carrying a conversation alone but instead matching energy.

This means if they ask no questions back I stop asking.

Example today...guy says he's into rugby. I ask a very relevant Q to rugby in his country. He replies "Dunno" because all he wants to talk about is his 8 weeks ago heart attack. While I understand the need, there are better places to get free emotional support.

So he just wants to " unload" his stuff onto you, whilst not bothering to find out anything about you. I would just unmatch.

When you stop asking him questions also, does it just become a " statements" chat? Fo example you say " its rainy here". Then he says " its raining here too"

Well he asked last night to see me tomorrow- but has asked again on message today - guess a better word was confirmed. I thought it was pretty much on but you never really know do you so that was good to know.

Exactly on both counts.

You've captured the standard of 90% of the chat.

Good on him 😁

AIBU to block Mr Bishop this eve? 48 hours after he cancelled tonight's third date with no word since.

Love this term for these conversations - stealing with pride. Had many of these over the years ha!

Have to ask if you get any ‘offensive’ type messages - like us ladies - just blatantly after sex straight up - not in the most pleasant of phrasing sometimes either?

There was a pretty decent male poster on here a while back who said a woman messaged him saying the 3 things she always carries on her handbag are condoms lube and baby wipes - so they are out there.

I do suspect they are a lot fewer than the men who think ‘cracking tits love’ or ‘do you do anal’ are perfect conversation openers!

Ugh - the flaky ones are annoying and wasteful of headspace - and time to find a better one.

If I’m kind I’d say they’re nervous, worried about getting into a relationship, chaotic - but it doesn’t matter why in the end anyhow does it.

i think YANBU at all to not take a further plan/engage with him any more. Do you mean block on your phone? Or are you messaging on a site?

I’ve rarely blocked anyone as it’s not been an issue being mainly solo ha - dick pics a clear exception - but I can see the benefits of it as it’s just done them and off your mind. But I then may be tempted to unblock I guess - if you’re less nosy as to what they may say than I am then block sounds good.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but maybe give him until Monday morning?

I block everyone once we’ve finished chatting or dating.

A guy I worked with said he got tit pics - I didn’t believe it till he started showing me 🤢

There should be a way to link lube lady and anal gentleman- save them trawling through 100s to meet their match!

I should say he got them without asking - he was a nice young guy and a bit surprised ha!