Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Brightbluesomething I think you follow your instinct. What do you want to do?

@Nosdacariad My instinct is to cancel with Mr Supermarket - I’ve never been any good dating multiple people past a first or second date, it doesn’t feel right for me once we’re at date 4 now. Mr T is ticking more and more boxes every time we meet so I think I need to see where this goes. I have a fair idea of where we’ll end up this weekend.
I’ve no desire to stay on the apps, it’s hellish at the best of times, and I think I’ve possibly found a rare good one here. If not, I’m well versed in exiting swiftly and I can rejoin them if I need to.

I’m with you, I just struggle with juggling and I wouldn’t like a man to do that to me. Perhaps too early for me, but I’ve paused the apps and declined my other match as I’m enjoying getting to know Mr Kardashian. I think we have to be a bit vulnerable for something to work right?

Sounds promising. Go with your gut!

Flirted with Mr Social at work today. I have a hunch he’s interested but probably has the same concerns about dating in the workplace that I do. Plus he’s still the new guy… So I don’t think it will go anywhere but it’s fun to daydream…

How is the job hunt going?!

Had first interview, decided I couldn’t be bothered anymore as it turned out my current salary was above their band for the role. Told them that today, but they said they still want to progress me and they’ll see what they can do about salary. Argh! Still not sure whether to go ahead or not… their recruitment process has a lot of hoops and there might be a more interesting opportunity at my current company.

Mr Nomad is trying to talk me into applying for jobs in another country so he can come live with me part of the year (as he hates my home city). Not sure if he’s joking or not.

Have bought Mr Charismatic a housewarming gift for his new house he moved into this week. A very stylish looking set of wine glasses. They were about £50 so not totally extravagant but now I’m second guessing myself wondering if it’s too much (casually dating for 2.5 months). For context, he’s a huge wine lover, I work in the industry and they’re from a store I know he likes. Should I return them? Feel like I’m terrible at judging these situations…

That’s pretty disappointing. Sorry to hear that.

I think the thing I find most difficult about dating is that people don’t just say how they feel…!

@BoxOfCats it'a a weird thing for Mr Nomad to joke about and give Mr Charismatic the glasses!

Regarding Mr Bishop, he actively arranged three dates, paid for everything (I did offer, for the lurking red pill brigade) and date 2 they had to boot us sober from the pub, kissed me passionately, messaged multiple times daily...🙃

So weird. Although my own experience with OLD seems to be that 3/4 dates is make or break time - guys seem to decide at that point if they’re in or out. Any guy I’ve made it past date 4 with, I’ve either ended up in a relationship with, or more recently the situationship(s) I currently find myself in. I have certainly dated a couple of guys previously who seemed super keen until date 4 then pulled the plug seemingly out of the blue.

Haha thanks, I shall crack on with the gift wrapping then!

Good morning all.
I have been dipping in now and again to see how you are all getting along and particularly to check how you are getting on @rubberduck68with Mr S. I think you matched with Mr S at the same time as I did with Mr Cheval and we are having such different experiences, but on reading your thread it seems like you are very much like me in terms of anxious attachment style. I’m sad to read that Mr S is not giving you want you need/ deserve. Leaving you unread for a day is just rude and I remember maybe about 5/6 weeks ago where he didn’t follow up for ages after a date and that left you really anxious. I feel that Mr S has an avoidant attachment style and his behaviours do ring true to someone I dated for 2 years. I was bread crumbed and compartmentalised and it has left me so damaged. I don’t think that Mr S can give you what you need. As some of you will remember I was incredibly anxious when dating Mr Beard and Mr P and now dating Mr Cheval who is everything I need, has made me realise that the right person should never leaving you anxious or second guessing. Please end this and move on x
Ita going amazingly with Mr Cheval. It’s still only been 9 weeks. We see each other usually 2/3 times a week but a few times a bit more if we have had sleepovers and with bank holidays. We have had a few hurdles with our exes and things but we work through things together fantastically and support each other really well. I’ve had a tough few days this week and he’s been amazing. I literally couldn’t asked for him to have done anything else to support me. I even found my self calling him for support when I felt upset and that’s a huge step for me. Communication is like something I’ve never experienced. He is confident with talking about his he feels so then I follow suit and it is helping massively. He is consistent, he shows me how much I mean to him and he talks about the future. He listens to how I feel and wants to understand my needs and work with that. He makes me feel so secure. Sex is progressing really good too to. The ED has not gone away completely but it’s now a very very minor issue and has very little
impact on our sex life.

@bluedabadeedabadoo such a great update, so happy for you ♥️💜💙

@bluedabadeedabadooThat’s an amazing update! Wow I can’t believe it’s been 9 weeks already. And really happy to hear the ED has settled down.

I completely agree. It's the uncertainty and trying to work out what people feel. But then again, if people were really honest, that would also not be fun. So it's a difficult balancing act.

Lovely update @bluedabadeedabadoo, really happy for you that Mr Cheval is working out!

Please pop back in with updates every so often to give the rest of us some hope!

I just took one of the offspring for coffee in a tiny cafe where Mr Ok was...what was I thinking?!

@bluedabadeedabadoo fab update! I do agree that if someone cares, youd know it - they certainly wouldnt leave you on read for ages. With an ex of mine, when he was happy, i knew it, but he would also retreat and not speak/leave things unanswered. I loved him dearly but that side really played havoc with my emotions, like i was always trying to keep things happy. I guess im saying thats how he communicated ie not very well. We split up for other reasons but i remember when my best friend met her now husband and i asked why this was different, and she said because he texts back/calls when he says he is going to etc. It made a huge difference to the relationship.

Lovely update! I’ve been dating someone for five months and agree that the feeling of security and safety makes me realise how anxious I was in other previous dating. Sometimes the man wasn’t even doing anything wrong really - it was just my nervous system telling me “he wasn’t the one” I think. I think those anxious guts need to be listened to.

i have just spotted Mr Charismatic on the local Facebook page for “Are we dating the same guy?”. Seems that he is still very much active on the apps. Not that I can really complain given I’m also seeing other people, but it does confirm my suspicion that he’s not really up for a relationship at all. Argh.

No way? What did the lady post about him?

“Anything on (Mr Charismatic)? He’s being mega flakey but I don’t know if he’s just busy or if it just me being over dating apps”

So literally the same thing I’ve been wondering - as he is incredibly tricky to pin down!

On the plus side, now I’ll be keeping some very nice wine glasses 😁

@BoxOfCats his loss lovely, pour yourself a glass of wine in your new goblets x

Thank you!