Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

That is interesting. I thought "If you stick around" was him wanting me to stay. I'm hoping he will say it again so I can ask him about it, out of context and days later feels a bit forced.

This is great news, and love that he arranged it. I know it's controversial - and not everyone agrees - but for me I feel that its not an even playing field between men and women out there yet; they still earn more in many sectors, and we still carry a lot more of the emotional and domestic load in relationships, so if a man can show some initiative early, on I've always found that it sticks and if you are in a relationship with him he will continue to do that. The men who have expected me to plan all the dates were lazy in the relationship too. Keep us posted, very excited about this one...

I agree it’s awkward to refer back to- my ND daughter does not and randomly brings up a sentence I (may have) said weeks later and interrogates me about it. This after brooding on it. I dread it tbh - I hear it’s coming in her tone and try to distract - and usually fail ha!

Another daughter likes to sort stuff there and then - her partner has learned now to mainly do this as well - works for them - they discuss stuff I’d probably just forget about though.

I bet Mr Sourdough is still wondering though whether you are going to ‘stick around’ - not sure guys wonder as much as gals but I think they do still wonder.

You will sort this - it’s going so well - love to read about it.

I’m chatting this am to a Mr Ginger - as he’s closer to my daughters’ ages than mine it is a non starter but they’re fun and interesting messages - a nice change on OLD!

Quite possibly. As I said, context is everything and you know your relationship best!
I am slightly worried about the fact that it causes you anxiety. Do you generally find your gut feeling proves right over time?

@rubberduck68 what was his response when he realised he'd forgotten twice information you told him?

The "if you stick around" is quite hard to take out of context. I think only you can read into that as we wernt there and if you say he uses it a lot then you can put it into context more.

@Nosdacariad great news on the date 😊

His response was that he looked surprised. He didn't really say anything very much.

Maybe it wasn't a good sign. When I left his yesterday he said, "shall we chat tomorrow?" and I said "yes, give me a call." He has not.

How are you feeling? I’d probably call him out on it tomorrow (in a nice way) x

@rubberduck68i think you’ve had enough dates now for this to be an official established relationship .
mind if i said ‘if you stick around ‘ that would me and my low self esteem thinking they probably won’t be and why I have no business dating and won’t be for the foreseeable

I feel quite upset and I’m not sure what to do. Maybe he thinks I should call him but I did say to call me, not sure if he’s withdrawn - not sure what’s happening.

@rubberduck68 I think you should just be open and honest.

Call him and say, hey, yesterday I felt a bit weird when you said ‘if I stick around’, because I’ve been thinking I’d very much like to stick around. It threw me a bit and I had a wobble about where we might be at. Do you want me to stick around? I would like to.’

Seriously - I’ve been in too many relationships where people (me included) haven’t said what they mean and what their fears are and it is really destructive. Be vulnerable. Life is too short.

Then I think it’s time to talk to him, whatever’s happening is making you feel uneasy and you need to express it rather than be sat wondering x

Definitely give him a call instead of waiting for him. The waiting will only drive you mad. And if there’s a genuine reason why he’s not able to call, then it could be a lot of unnecessary worry.

I get that you may be holding back because you asked him to call you, however be kind to yourself and bite the bullet this time

How are you feeling about it all?

He still seems so vague and ambiguous. But that could just be me, I need certainty. Tell me how your feeling, tell me what you want, etc, I really value open up front honest and yes blunt communication 😂

@OneShyQuail and everyone - Mr Bishop is messaging in between date 0 and date 1 but it's a bit limp, not really asking anything.

May I join please? I'm just starting out with dating again after a failed marriage after STBX had multiple affairs discovered. Been separated for 2 years now and starting to date again. It's slim pickings though!

I tend to scale back on the messaging front if there’s a date arranged as would rather save the chat for that so I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Just so long as he’s not boring you!

Welcome! Yes, such very slim pickings. A few people have managed to get past the first few dates stage though so there is hope!

Well it’s been tumbleweed from Mr no name since our 2/3 dates over the weekend.
We were messaging when we got home Monday night, I dropped him a message yesterday morning, he replied with a 👍 and that’s last Ive seen of him.

I don’t think I can be arsed tbh.

Oooh that emoji is so low effort.

Anyone else on Hinge and find they get matches but the guys rarely message? I know I could message them but I already made the first move by liking them in the first place so feel like the ball is in their court? Maybe they are just match collectors.

That does sound like definition of low effort. Maybe time to cut your losses.

I won’t be contacting him again. The mixed messages from how he is in person to his zero effort messaging is already pissing me off so it’s a no go from me now.

If by any chance he does contact me I will tell him he’s too low effort for me and I won’t chase him. I’m not someone who needs daily small talk but the odd reply isn’t too much to ask rather than an effing 👍

And now planned to go out with a mate Saturday night!

@rubberduck68 any update yet?

Early stages of dating can be really hard, I'm so sorry you're getting upset about it. So far he's seemed like a good egg, it could just be that he's a little absent minded/forgetful. How long has he been single for?

I will say that I don't think there's anything wrong with you calling him, or sending a text to remind him that you had arranged a call.

There are too many rules about not chasing, not double texting, waiting for a man to ask/initiate etc which often leave people (women) stressing, over thinking and second guessing. There's nothing wrong with saying what you need and how you feel, or doing a little bit of gentle chasing every so often.

Obviously if it's a pattern it's a red flag but so far Mr Sourdough has done a lot of things right and it does seem like he likes you!

@TwistedWonder oh I would ditch someone for responding with a thumbs up emoji! It's so low effort I find it rude - it's one of my pet hates. Good job you didn't waste a proper name on him!