Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

There is no man who would do this if he wasn't attracted. Men can be very cautious when showing signs of attraction especially if they are keen.

He could be taking things slowly as you have mutual friends so aren’t a complete unknown to him. Have you scheduled in the next date? It sounds promising!

Loving all the iron updates!

I'm dry as the Sahara over here. Had lunch with a friend yesterday who loves hearing my dating stories. He was very upset when I had none 😅

Nothing going on over here either but I’m loving the updates from everyone else!

I wouldn’t say flirting no but then I’m not a flirty person so I imagine he’d say he’s not getting any cues from me either.

We talk non stop and feel like we’ve told each other so much about our lives etc including very personal stuff.

When we parted at the station yesterday we had a hug and a peck on the lips and his last words were ‘keep in touch’ which I’m not sure how to read.

We did message last night when he was home but again very light. So I’m not sure if it’s a friends thing or we’re both holding back

I can offer you both some of mine if you like 😅

@TwistedWonder I'm not mad about "keep in touch" but for all we know he may be kicking himself over his awkward choice of words.

It was all a bit rushed at the end. Trains were messed up due to a fatality then they started running again and he had a couple of minutes to get to platform so maybe it was just a bit awkward and rushed.

Let’s see how this week goes

It sounds maybe like something he could have blurted out king about, but I’d take it to mean he wants to continue contact.

Totally agree with this

This has given me a lot of food for thought.

Mr Charismatic doesn’t communicate much by text so days go by when we’re not in contact, and we are both super busy so only see each other every 2-3 weeks. But I saw him twice over the Easter break. He’s not one to naturally talk about feelings, so getting to know him properly has been a very slow process. He’s turning out to be quite lovely though and it actually feels like we are really enjoying each others company.

I don’t want to come on too strong, I think he might run a mile. So just letting things unfold organically for now. Haven’t really had any deep conversations about feelings but just seeing where it goes.

I'm wondering how that would be coming on strong?
What makes you worry he'd be scared off?

Is it just me that finds chatting to people on the apps like pulling teeth sometimes? How much opportunity do you give until you pull the plug?

I’ve been going through the conversations we had in my head and I definitely don’t think it’s stuff two new friends would discuss. We talked about very deeply personal stuff and even the fact neither of us could do FWB and we both need a connection to sleep with someone.

He’s only had 3 relationships ever - with his ex wife from 15 to 51, an on and off 5 year rebound (with the woman I know) then a year with someone he met online that didn’t work out.

So I do think this is going to be a taking things slow, building a friendship and taking one step at a time.

I love this for you @TwistedWonder .

Absobloody lutely. No questions. All about them. Then wondering why conversations peter out.

Single man here, swimming in the murk of OLD … no irons as you folks refer to them but I’ve lurked here a while to get some insight on how women tick. Enlightening and confusing to the same degree sadly.

Anyway, thought I’d say hello :)

Are you any the wiser?

I know it’s so weird … I ask a lot of questions and they are more than happy to tell me a lot about themselves…. But then not really reciprocating

Welcome

i wouldn’t worry … we are just as baffled by men on OLD

I wouldn’t say wiser … but I have some insight at least, not that I agree with it all.

At times I’ve thought - just message the guy, if he’s anything like me he just assumes you’re not interested and doesn’t want to pester you. This [in my case anyway] is often nothing to do with confidence but actually stems from curtesy … well, other than for those men wanting a quick shag and nothing else.

I wonder at times how many folks remain apart just because of the flawed logic of “if he wanted to he would” for example.

But if nothing else, I do read intently and am invested in all of your experiences.

After 6 months on the apps my patience is wearing thin so if there’s a consistent lack of curiosity on their part I just unmatch. I don’t want to date someone who seems to have zero interest in finding out about me and my life.

I think because low effort at the start rarely translates into more effort later on?

Perhaps …. but I think people use it as an undeniable mantra however and life isn’t as binary as that.

I’ve had experiences where women have said they didn’t think I was interested because I didn’t chase and it was assumed that my level of interest was directly correlated with my persistence.

But flipping the script … do men want to start off with chasing being the expectation? I don’t … and I’d suggest most don’t. We just want someone we can get along with and communicate with.

Simple, clear communication and mutual expression of interest / disinterest is the order of the day 🤣

I think I’m just noticing there seems to be an imbalance and it’s almost expected that the woman will chase? I don’t mind initiating messaging and asking questions but I don’t want to carry the whole energy.

Also there’s this whole “Mirror their effort” thing which I think everyone is doing on both sides ending up in no one actually doing anything because it turns into a stand off 😂