Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Then absolutely not, no one needs that man back in their life. Hang in there, get rid of Mr Bishop too because he’s making you feel unsure … better things to come!

@BoxOfCats and you!

Oh I am not sorry at all 'things' did not work out with Mr RFP! There was never a scenario where I'd have wanted a relationship with him, so why lead him on? That man is not a quitter though! More texts and calls over this week, it's quite entertaining.

Yes I probably also freak if someone is eager, as I already think forward to having to let them down. For example, I took a finance bro's number at Christmas knowing full well I wasn't going to call him. I do feel bad about rejecting people, so easier to avoid them all together, right?

The plan is to go outside and into the kinds of spaces where I'd meet guys I am better aligned with. Just booked myself onto a political forum! But I also wouldn't turn down a chance meeting on a train platform. I'm constantly kicking myself when I see a cute guy in London and don't approach them.

Ah, so you have not 1 but 2 men?! Interesting, interesting... Living vicariously through you!

What's the work guy like...? Worth getting into trouble with HR with...? 😉

Sounds great! Vastly better than OLD. Political forum sounds great. Sadly most of my interests are very female centric, no hope of bumping into an interesting guy! Just got back from a Pilates class which was 100% women 😂

Mr Social just started in our social media team. He’s maybe a year or two younger, fit, attractive, seems very switched on. Is a cat person which is a massive green flag for me. Has made it known that he’s single (eg a joke recently about how awful online dating is). There’s no workplace policy that would stop me going there, however it’s a large corporate and I’m senior leadership so probably a bit unwise… 😩

Don't do it @BoxOfCats unless one of you moves jobs x

Noooooooooooo! Do not unblock

Haha I’m working on it! (Moving jobs)

Please can someone give me the strength to tell Mr Elusive we’re not a thing? He was my first online date last autumn and the chemistry was hot. I saw him every week for a few weeks, then he would text but I never saw him again until a weak moment over new year when I (stupidly) answered one of his booty calls. Another three months have passed, in the meantime I’ve met Mr Scenester who’s lovely and we’re building a relationship. There can be quite long gaps between us seeing one another owing to childcare commitments and these times can feel a bit flat. This is usually when Mr Elusive will pop back up, he’ll remind me of the chemistry we had but never makes any plans. We had a conversation about this a couple of months ago and I explained I was looking for something more consistent, he acknowledged he needed to step up then disappeared for three weeks 😂I still get an occasional text about a shared interest and I’ve been happy to have him there in the background, for friendship/attention but now (probably because he had two weeks off) he’s saying he thinks there’s something there between us and he’s trying to find a time we can meet. I can get drawn back in because it was so easy being with him and I did want more, but I know if I saw him, we’ll just go round the same loop again,only this time, I’ll risk sabotaging something good and worse still, hurt Mr Scenester. I know i should just block and delete but I can’t seem to do it, please help!

@PinkNeonSign if it's definitely Scenester then you know what to do.

Mr Bishop messaged with a believable story and a last minute suggestion of a walk. I'm not going for that.

@PinkNeonSign I had something similar. I had a great casual thing with a guy who promised more than he ever delivered (we agreed a consistent FWB situation but he never held up to dates).
In the meantime I decided to date with intention and after a while met my boyfriend. I wasn’t chatting to the FWB but he contacted me, I told him about my boyfriend and all was civil. But then he started pushing boundaries, saying that I wasn’t built to be monogamous and that no one would need to know if we hooked up.
When I refused (it was tempting as he is wildly attractive, charismatic, intelligent and we gel so well) he got quite disrespectful so I had to block him.
I would block and concentrate on your current situation, as he will think he has an ‘in’ like mine did.

@Nosdacariad Would you suggest an alternative to Mr Bishop or are you just not really feeling it?

I will if he comes back with a suggestion of day. I've said when I'm free, but no date specified so I won't keep days free just in case. He just wants to blether at me when it suits him I think.

@PinkNeonSign you're worth more than booty calls and breadcrumbs.

It’s amazing the radar guys have that you could be turning your attention away from them.

One ex, turned out to be a big player, I really struggled to not get reeled back in always at the point I was forgetting about him. I had to eventually grey rock/ignore him altogether for around a year in the end (we lived in the same area so it was likely I’d bump into him).

I don’t think there were specific changes in my texting habits that always alerted him but maybe he had an inbuilt alarm about timescales ha! I believe he was the same with others in his harem.

I can recall though him telling me about one of his exes who had not got over him - I knew who she was so said I thought she had as she’d married and had a child since - he didn’t agree! I think some makes genuinely believe that actually anyone who was lucky enough to be in their orbit would never, ever get past them! I guess I’m one of those exes now pining for him (spoiler I’m not) - sigh!

So maybe they find it Gard to believe you mean no - maybe too they rethink their choices for a few minutes and mean stuff in the moment they say it - I strongly doubt this would last ever. Maybe they have to beat the other guy in a competitive way. But for the unfortunate victim of this my best tip is to ignore or block for a good long time at least until that wondering about them is done - not easy, but it works and you will feel better for it.

Stop. Walk away from that block button.

You told him you needed more consistency and his response was to disappear for three weeks. Right there is your answer. Keep going slow and steady with the man who consistently shows up.

Thanks guys, I’ve done it, I just said the dynamic isn’t working and wished him well. He’s tried to reel me back in but I’m not doing that xx

Great job!
💝💘💖

Amazing - well done 🥳

well done! He can't reel you back in if you block him!!

I sometimes think that if these guys could redirect the energy they spend keeping us around for casual sex into an actual relationship, life would be a lot easier. . .😅

You don't need to talk about feelings. It's OK to just enjoy each other's company and see how feelings unfold. I am a fan of talking about "intentions". Do we intend for this to continue and evolve into a long-term relationship. It's either yes or no. Whereas when you start talking about feelings too early, the whole thing may flop if you are on different timelines.
Mr. Poet had a conversation with me about being a couple. And it was framed in terms of "this thing between us feels more than just dating". None of us uttered any words of love at this point. And it would be too early to do that, I think.

And they'd get more sex

Just had dates 2 and 3 on consecutive days with mr no name. Went for drinks yesterday and he asked if I was busy today. He came over my way and we had dinner and drinks. Both dates were 4 plus hours.

Still no idea if he’s attracted to me or it’s strictly f friends

@TwistedWonder it sounds good because of length of time you are spending together. Has there been any sign of anything more than friends, are you flirting, holding hands etc?

Sounds great 😁