Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Hmmm was this a test and apologise? What did he say to make him think he'd blown it?

Mr Bishop messaged with a story of a family emergency.

He asked me how long I’ve been single for, and I reminded him we’d already had that conversation last night 🙈 To be fair, it was really late and he fell asleep soon after. And he’d apparently had a bad day as his mum found out her dog is to be PTS next week, and had spent the day comforting her.

Oh dear….this is a lot of excuses actually.

Mr Gearbox might be a red flag and here's why, you didn't keep him hanging, you were just not available but that kind of language is already showing that he's potential to be quite controlling, in my opinion... It's a baby step towards, "where have you been?" etc. Also the "make it up to him" has sexual undertones. If you are having to guide and spoon feed a man at this very early stage, when he's supposed to pull his A game out, what will that look like in a month?

Please remind me about Mr Bishop @Nosdacariad

What was the family emergency? Do you believe him?

I see what you’re saying. Why am I so blind to this?!

It is hard when you are in it, when you want to find a good match and give people a chance. That's why this thread is so great, it gives you another set (or many) of eyes to spot the red flags. I have had some toxic experiences, one of them started out the way Mr Gearbox is, so I'm happy to pass on the warning about that behaviour early on...

@empirebiscuits12 I think it's easier to see from the outside.

Mr Bishop was Friday night's date.

I don't not believe the family emergency. I'm on the sofa full of chocolate and I'm struggling to care, but I'm underwhelmed.

Food for thought, thank you! What should I say now that I’m backing out?

If you are only chatting so far either just block/unmatch or say you don't think you're suited but good luck.

Some women just block to reduce the possibility of nasty comments.

The messages about Mr Gearbox are really useful - I tend to get sucked in and be ‘oh bless, they’re worried, they really like me’ - or I did, actually currently I’d just huff about being pestered - the control aspect would definitely pass me by though.

On the other hand I’m fast enough with advice for my kids in this vein - I tell them I made the mistakes so they don’t have to - they still do though.

I’m fastest noting jealousy but had a poor experience decades ago and have been told my monkey brain is now on high alert for it so will pick up signals that remind me of it subconsciously. I may be over alert on it though I think at times.

This thread is really helpful though to get an overview- don’t discuss much with my kids, friends wish to be kind - this is a great space.

Oh - my latest new message took one hello to say he’d like to get in my hot mini with my hot self - it’s an average middle aged mini though I love it (hence having photos of me in it) and will take that compliment lol but I am 60 and definitely not and don’t want that bit - but why do mid 60 males say this and think you’re going to like hearing it - they get it so wrong!

My instinct with him, just block and move on.

They do get it so wrong. They also vote themselves off the island, so it's useful!

I am also on the sofa full of chocolate and wondering this: how long before a man should introduce you to his friends? Mr Soughdough says he has told his best (female) friend about me, but has not mentioned me meeting anyone yet. Too soon at just over two months? I've got burned with this big time before: my last relationship he kept me separate from his life for 18 months and I for some unfathomable reason thought this was okay (I now know it is not okay), and it felt rubbish, so I am sensitive about it. Any thoughts?

@empirebiscuits12 Sadly in my experience there’s rarely a family emergency. Having to repeat yourself means he’s talking to multiple people and he’s forgotten what you’ve said.

I am too although a few hours with friend this afternoon has helped me whittle down my Hinge match surge. There’s 6 left standing and Ive got a top two now. Plus one my friends said I should discount as he looks too much like my ex. But he’s the chattiest. So I’m not sure. I did a straw poll and there’s one they all prefer but he’s on holiday all week, but still messaging. Usually I’d say let me know when you’re back and free to meet but they think I should do the back and forth to get to know each other more. I’m not sure. My friends are nearly all married and haven’t dated for years so I don’t know if I should be listening to them!

@rubberduck68 I guess you could float the idea, or ask if he'd like to meet some of yours?

@MsJinks ive dated several ND men myself, I used to think it was me choosing them but I think maybe they also gravitate towards me. Im very nurturing and capable, and I think they felt accepted with me.

My last long term partner was ND and I found him to be very rigid in his thoughts, which didn't help as I have children. He had set views of how things should be, even how they should behave. I felt judged. I also had to be very flexible with things because he just wasn't. As i was so deeply in love, id have still gone along with anything as he made me so happy for the most part. But I think I feel as though it would only have worked had I not had kids, and even then, it would have been a huge amount of compromise on my part. I think in your case, your DD is ND so you are probably used to this, but I think in many cases, its hard.

I personally would be fine not having met someone’s friends at two months, it’s early on and if you’re both busy then opportunities might not have come up naturally yet. I think if it got to 6 though I’d be asking questions!

@ElleintheWoods Wonderful to see you again. Sorry things didn’t work out with Mr RFP. Although I guess you always predicted it would be so!

Sounds like you’ve had plenty else to keep you occupied in any case. New business sounds exciting!

I also ran away when being chatted up in real life not too long ago. I think I just freak out if someone seems too eager! And unfortunately asking for my number is too eager 😁 Hopefully now it’s spring for you, there will be a little more happening on the dating front?

I’m still in a situationship with Mr Nomad, he’s coming up in a month to visit. We still chat every day, he’s been a true emotional and practical support the last month which has been amazing. Also casually dating Mr Charismatic. He’s continuing to be a bit inconsistent - sometimes goes days without messaging, others very chatty, difficult to pin down to meet but very wonderful and present once I see him.

And Mr Social is on the scene, a new guy at work who I’m trying to keep my distance from. I’m wondering if I did too good a job as it feels like he’s taken a slight step back from being quite so friendly. Of course I’m now regretting it and wondering how I can get his attention 😁 I really shouldn’t go there though….!

Thanks for all the advice today, I really appreciate it. Mr Gearbox is no more. Blocked!

@rubberduck68personally I’ve always loved the little “us” bubble right at the beginning and I’d wait a little longer. However 18 months (with your ex….!!)

Mr Bishop is back in touch but low effort which I'm matching.

Uh oh. Thinking of unblocking MrX. Stop me!

Who is Mr X?!!!

And don’t unblock him, he’s been blocked for a reason, keep it that way.

My dreadful abusive ex who can be found on tinder...