Page 11 | Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

BoxOfCats · 2026-03-26T04:54:29+00:00

The Rules: -The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin -Do not invest emotionally too soon -It’s all BS until it actually happens -Trust your gut instinct -People vanishing, lying &amp; being generally weird is not your fault -Know your worth -If it's not fun, stop -Loo update is mandatory -No dating the thread -Treat others as you'd like to be treated -Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with -The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future -OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Nosdacariad · 03/04/2026 23:03

Betsy95 · 03/04/2026 14:26

I wish I had your senses … the last person I dated said he’d been too busy to do his washing up or washing for a week … it was all just stacked up… and got on my nerves so much I washed up for him 😬

it’s so weird as a working single mum to relate to people saying they don’t have time to tidy up 🤷‍♀️

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I was the same until the last time when I realised when I saw the state of his flat I should have just left - duvet with no cover because a man over 6' couldn't put the duvet cover on it...

Nosdacariad · 03/04/2026 23:04

Mr Bishop was on time, very chatty. No red flags 😁

PinkNeonSign · 03/04/2026 23:06

Sounds positive @Nosdacariad yipee 😊xx

Nosdacariad · 04/04/2026 08:32

PinkNeonSign · 03/04/2026 23:06

Sounds positive @Nosdacariad yipee 😊xx

Except when he left he said we should meet again and I agreed. He messaged to say thanks for a lovely evening and now 🦗🦗🦗 when he'd normally have messaged by now. We'll see.

Betsy95 · 04/04/2026 10:15

@Nosdacariad sounds promising 🤞

If anyone is dating as a single mum, do you match with men who haven’t had kids? I don’t want anymore kids and am not sure someone without kids would understand my time constraints etc?

Nosdacariad · 04/04/2026 10:18

Betsy95 · 04/04/2026 10:15

@Nosdacariad sounds promising 🤞

If anyone is dating as a single mum, do you match with men who haven’t had kids? I don’t want anymore kids and am not sure someone without kids would understand my time constraints etc?

I did and was happily married until his death.

I did have more kids though I don't know that it would have been a dealbreaker for him.

Not sure how old you are, might you change your mind?

Brightbluesomething · 04/04/2026 10:30

@Betsy95 Ive dated a few guys without kids over the years but found them much more selfish and less understanding of the challenges of being a single parent. They thought I could just swap childcare to go out with them far too often when I’d prefer to prioritise stability for my DC’s and have plenty of free time to date when they’re not at home. They were also quite immature but that could be my truly awful ability to choose a good man!
Men with kids can sometimes be more understanding of that with the caveat that some are dreadful parents. You have to ensure they have the same approach to parenting and don’t expect you to look after their kids for them.
I’ve had a few relationships where parenting styles aligned and they were functioning adults who could look after themselves and these were the most compatible.

Betsy95 · 04/04/2026 10:35

Nosdacariad · 04/04/2026 10:18

I did and was happily married until his death.

I did have more kids though I don't know that it would have been a dealbreaker for him.

Not sure how old you are, might you change your mind?

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I’m mid 40s so definitely don’t want anymore.

Although tbf I have found that even men with kids don’t seem to understand time constraints if they only see their kids every other weekend etc. one that I was dating completely revamped his dating profile one evening after he invited me over at short notice and I couldn’t go because I had my kids (we already had a date planned for 2 days later) !

Betsy95 · 04/04/2026 10:36

Brightbluesomething · 04/04/2026 10:30

@Betsy95 Ive dated a few guys without kids over the years but found them much more selfish and less understanding of the challenges of being a single parent. They thought I could just swap childcare to go out with them far too often when I’d prefer to prioritise stability for my DC’s and have plenty of free time to date when they’re not at home. They were also quite immature but that could be my truly awful ability to choose a good man!
Men with kids can sometimes be more understanding of that with the caveat that some are dreadful parents. You have to ensure they have the same approach to parenting and don’t expect you to look after their kids for them.
I’ve had a few relationships where parenting styles aligned and they were functioning adults who could look after themselves and these were the most compatible.

This is what I’m thinking, I assume if they haven’t had to compromise time or put kids etc first then maybe they just won’t get it and it will cause tension.

Nosdacariad · 04/04/2026 10:38

Betsy95 · 04/04/2026 10:35

I’m mid 40s so definitely don’t want anymore.

Although tbf I have found that even men with kids don’t seem to understand time constraints if they only see their kids every other weekend etc. one that I was dating completely revamped his dating profile one evening after he invited me over at short notice and I couldn’t go because I had my kids (we already had a date planned for 2 days later) !

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Yeah that's his personality not whether or not he has kids.

I think at mid 40s unless you're dating someone a lot younger they are not going to be expecting you to have more kids.

rubberduck68 · 04/04/2026 11:21

Nosdacariad · 03/04/2026 23:04

Mr Bishop was on time, very chatty. No red flags 😁

oooh tell us more... did you fancy him? Any more plans to meet up?

rubberduck68 · 04/04/2026 11:25

Betsy95 · 04/04/2026 10:15

@Nosdacariad sounds promising 🤞

If anyone is dating as a single mum, do you match with men who haven’t had kids? I don’t want anymore kids and am not sure someone without kids would understand my time constraints etc?

My kids are in their twenties now, but I was dating when they were in their teens, and of the actual relationships one man had one child and he was widowed and the only parent, so he did understand what it's like on your own, but I'd say generally speaking he was a selfish man. The other two were childless and actually one was understanding, but he had a wonderful relationship with his niece and nephews and was very family oriented generally, the other was a selfish git and said he didn't want kids because he was "too selfish" which really does lean into the saying, when they tell you who they are, listen! Mr Soughdough does not have children, but he says that is just how it turned out and that he had hoped to have them. He is very close to his family, especially his niece, and is a godparent to friends children. I think it depends on the man.. go with your gut on this. If it feels off, it will be....

Nosdacariad · 04/04/2026 11:31

rubberduck68 · 04/04/2026 11:21

oooh tell us more... did you fancy him? Any more plans to meet up?

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I might fancy him in time but he has not messaged this morning when he normally would have.

rubberduck68 · 04/04/2026 11:33

MsJinks · 03/04/2026 07:21

Lovely to read all the good news dates - hopefully some nice stuff to do over Easter weekend with them 😃

For the absolute drag of weird folk on dating sites I feel the pain - I’m so uninvested in getting into a relationship that pain has gone - but the sighs still continue.

I had a 46 year old message - too young - on his bio he said he was another 10 years younger but likes older women - ick.

One winding me up I think - I’m open pretty fast that I partake in demos/counter protests against the far right - as casually as possible. So managed to mention I’d been on the London March last Sunday in first message actually - he said he’d never heard of the far right but what did I think they were going to do - I answered quite blandly to that one - then he kept on with very stupid questions so I left that chat ha.

And most being painful repeats of ‘hi, how are you’ that I ignore fast.

I have 3 I can name but not sure they’re actual irons - maybe just travel ones.

Mr Wildlife - good interesting chat and like his values/style - guessing I’m not for him as he goes away then just drops back with a brief opener- I’m ok with that and basically just getting my iron numbers up here ha!

Mr Tree - nice long chats now, picked up slowly, with similar interests and views - I can tell he thinks I’m funny - I never get that ‘bounce back’ feeling though bless him. He’s nice, kind and not unattractive. However, whilst he says he’s been on his own a long time he did mention needing to get something from his ex wife and I just wondered how long ex wives store things, as a ‘good while’ to him might be different to mine - it’s just I’ve never found great potential with long term married and recently separated guys. He also was glad I smoke - I actually vape now but leave it at that so no issue (if they read it!) - weird a non smoker likes a smoker though - he does smoke - obviously that’s ok with me - but this is a constant general ‘fib’ I see.

And despite leaving one after one date - high boundaries - he’s persuaded me to have another meal Saturday- we had intermittent messages and I had a lovely date initially - mainly no plans, no one catching a major fancy, dreadful week - probably a bad reason to go, more for him than me, but we will see - naming him Mr Cornflakes to remind me of the leave it reasons ha! Nearly went for crunchy nut but don’t wish that image!!

Hope you’re all going to have a lovely bank holiday weekend 😃

My ex husband had things in my loft for years, we both forgot they were there, I wouldn't judge him on that. Also, she didn't burn his stuff or throw it out on the street, so that's a green flag!!! Anyone who does not know what the far right is must have been living under a rock for decades, next! I didn't catch "major fancy" with Mr Soughdough at first, now I could climb him like a tree whenever I see him... that slow gradual attraction was new for me, but it's a whole different level!

rubberduck68 · 04/04/2026 11:38

ElleintheWoods · 03/04/2026 11:19

Hello! Checking in after a long absence.

Haven't really been dating or made an effort to date all winter. Instead have been in Hermit mode, stayed in, started a new business... But now that spring is here, really missing that physical connection, hours of chatting, cuddles and waking up next to someone.

Mr RedFlagParade fizzled. Basically neither made a big effort to meet again, and he seemed like he wanted a more text/call based dynamic, so I told him I wasn't interested. He still resurfaces once a week and posts passive aggressive Insta stories (e.g. 'women don't know what they want' memes) but I don't have time for this 😂

Mr Volleyball is still around and sends flirty messages on work chat, and will visit soon, but because of the different countries situation, I'm not really paying attention. He's a nice enough friend though, and funny.

Got 'chatted up' (?) by a man in a coffee shop a few weeks back. I mean, literally a coffee shop where you buy beans, smell them etc. I loved his approach, he found an unusual-smelling coffee and just asked me to smell it. I think he was American? However, for whatever reason I made polite conversation for 30 seconds and ran away.

I feel like I've always followed this pattern. In 99% of cases, I think in my head 'do I see myself spending my life with this guy? God no!!!' and dodge. And trying to get myself into a mindset of giving more people a bit of a time of day, as opposed to focusing on the 1 guy every 6 months that I actually instantly fancy.

Guess the strategy for April will be to spend more time outside! I'll be in Germany for a while soon, so wonder whether that could get interesting, too.

I am in the first experience of being with a man who I did not fancy on the apps or first date or two, but I really fancy him now. What I noticed about him was this: his profile had no red flags, his messages to me were thoughtful - referred to my profile prompts on Hinge every time - and he asked me out within the week and at the end of each date. I felt seen. The first date there was a lot of eye contact and laughing, we really got on. By the third date I fancied him a lot, now I can't get enough of him - no idea what date number we are on, gone past 10, been at it for over two months. Ask yourself how you feel around them? I felt good around him from the outset, I think that helps...

Brightbluesomething · 04/04/2026 11:43

@MsJinks Storing things isn’t necessarily an issue. I’ve got most of the gardening equipment and tools from my marriage which ended over 12 years ago. But if ExH needs something he asks to borrows it. I recently used our wallpapering table stored at his house to redo DD’s bedroom and he borrowed the pressure washer which is at my house. He has a garage and I don’t so my mountain bike has been at his for nearly 4 years.
If you get on with your ex like we do that’s a green flag for me. It’s warring exes that cause issues in new relationships.

TwistedWonder · 04/04/2026 11:46

Brightbluesomething · 04/04/2026 11:43

@MsJinks Storing things isn’t necessarily an issue. I’ve got most of the gardening equipment and tools from my marriage which ended over 12 years ago. But if ExH needs something he asks to borrows it. I recently used our wallpapering table stored at his house to redo DD’s bedroom and he borrowed the pressure washer which is at my house. He has a garage and I don’t so my mountain bike has been at his for nearly 4 years.
If you get on with your ex like we do that’s a green flag for me. It’s warring exes that cause issues in new relationships.

I agree. My ex bought me out when we split and I’ve still got stuff in the loft and shed. We’re very amicable and I would see it as a green flag if a man still had a decent friendship with their ex.

TwistedWonder · 04/04/2026 11:50

Eesha · 03/04/2026 19:47

@TwistedWonder I think your guy is playing you a bit, you shouldn't really have to chase him to confirm things.

I’ll be honest the lack of effort from him has me rapidly losing any enthusiasm.

Ive decided I won’t message him about tomorrow. If he is interested he’ll get in touch if not then it’s a door closed.

I was out with friends yesterday and had a really great day. A group of his friends that I know were in the pub and we spent a good few hours with them. One of them who I’ve known 20+ years said he’d contacted him asking about me a couple of days ago.

Nosdacariad · 04/04/2026 12:30

TwistedWonder · 04/04/2026 11:50

I’ll be honest the lack of effort from him has me rapidly losing any enthusiasm.

Ive decided I won’t message him about tomorrow. If he is interested he’ll get in touch if not then it’s a door closed.

I was out with friends yesterday and had a really great day. A group of his friends that I know were in the pub and we spent a good few hours with them. One of them who I’ve known 20+ years said he’d contacted him asking about me a couple of days ago.

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Ooh the contacting the friend asking about you feels...odd. Since he was talking about you rather than to you.

@rubberduck68 "climb him like a tree" is my new favourite expression 😁

empirebiscuits12 · 04/04/2026 19:28

Hello all 😊

New to the thread but have dipped in and out of lurking over the years. I’ve been single for a few months which doesn’t seem long however, we were together about 10 months and just seemed to bicker during the last few months as it was becoming increasingly obvious we weren’t compatible.

Ive signed up to Tinder and Bumble over the past couple of weeks and I already feel like giving up! I’m mid 40s and prefer my age or a bit younger. I’m sure I read on the previous thread this was a pp’s preference too…. I’m just not physically attracted to older. Anyway, my experiences so far;

~ I seem to attract a LOT of men who are just not my type. Profiles of them topless, in bed, holding many drinks, sticking up of fingers, pouting, filters, photos with their kids (not blanked out), etc.
~ Chats very quickly turn sexual, which isn’t for me.
~ Chats start with “hey cheeky” or “hey hottie” 🙄
~ Some conversations have seemed to be going well however I have ended up ghosted a few times.

Within the first day or so I matched with Mr Sensible. Great job, ambitious, no alcohol or caffeine, volunteered. To cut a long story short, I met him for a coffee date a few days ago but there was zero spark. Very easy on the eye but he just didn’t ignite anything in me. I’m really attracted to men with a good sense of humour and I gave Mr Sensible the benefit of the doubt for lack of this via messaging however it was the same in person.

I started chatting with Mr Green yesterday morning and all seemed to be going well. He’d asked me on a date before the end of the day and there was lots of chat and flirty banter going back and forth but I haven’t heard anything from him since before lunch. I know I’m probably WILDLY overthinking this but I have a gut feeling I’ve been ghosted again.

Anyway, I look forward to reading through this thread and the previous one properly so I can get the background on everyone else!

Nosdacariad · 04/04/2026 19:55

Welcome @empirebiscuits12 😁 I feel the same about those kinds of photo. I would NEVER put pics of my offspring on a dating profile, not sure why men think it OK.

empirebiscuits12 · 04/04/2026 20:03

@Nosdacariadthank you!

Even the photos of blurred out kids leave me cold.

ElleintheWoods · 04/04/2026 20:32

rubberduck68 · 04/04/2026 11:38

I am in the first experience of being with a man who I did not fancy on the apps or first date or two, but I really fancy him now. What I noticed about him was this: his profile had no red flags, his messages to me were thoughtful - referred to my profile prompts on Hinge every time - and he asked me out within the week and at the end of each date. I felt seen. The first date there was a lot of eye contact and laughing, we really got on. By the third date I fancied him a lot, now I can't get enough of him - no idea what date number we are on, gone past 10, been at it for over two months. Ask yourself how you feel around them? I felt good around him from the outset, I think that helps...

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Sounds great! Hope it works out!! Personality and behaviours are after all the most important things.

Unfortunately for me I've been in too many 'he grew on me' relationships in the past and looking back, I'm very much 'what was I thinking?!' I usually date off the back of how get on with somebody, how the conversation flows. Many bad choices made off the back of that, to give you an example, Mr RedFlagParade, the iron that I never really considered an iron, turned up to our first date in a tracksuit, with zero effort made overall. He also has a bunch of huge red flags, such as not working by choice. However I gave him a chance and stupidly became attracted to him.

I guess I run away because almost every guy I've ever fancied, everyone is very much 'hello, sorry, out of all the people in the world, this guy?!'

Because I don't do dating apps, suppose the only strategy I can adapt is allowing the guy to chat to me for a bit and take their number. Worst case I just won't text them.

It is an amazing feeling through when you notice someone, they notice you, and you actually end up talking and having a great conversation.

Eesha · 04/04/2026 22:14

Betsy95 · 04/04/2026 10:15

@Nosdacariad sounds promising 🤞

If anyone is dating as a single mum, do you match with men who haven’t had kids? I don’t want anymore kids and am not sure someone without kids would understand my time constraints etc?

@Betsy95 its a tough one as just because a man has kids, doesn't mean they are great. My previous partner didnt have kids and he definitely couldn't understand my time constraints. I was seeing him every weekend yet then he'd complain it wasn't enough. I loved him so much but I felt like I was being pulled in two directions and we ended up splitting. Im genuinely not sure id ever date a childless man again as im still hurting a year later.

However a friend is dating a guy who has no kids and is amazing with hers, essentially a dad. I think the difference there is the real dad doesnt see the child much plus they essentially all live together.

Pryceosh1987 · 04/04/2026 23:31

A thick skin is needed for everyday and every moment.