Dating Thread 56 - Love is in the Air

[BoxOfCats]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Lovely to read all the good news dates - hopefully some nice stuff to do over Easter weekend with them 😃

For the absolute drag of weird folk on dating sites I feel the pain - I’m so uninvested in getting into a relationship that pain has gone - but the sighs still continue.

I had a 46 year old message - too young - on his bio he said he was another 10 years younger but likes older women - ick.

One winding me up I think - I’m open pretty fast that I partake in demos/counter protests against the far right - as casually as possible. So managed to mention I’d been on the London March last Sunday in first message actually - he said he’d never heard of the far right but what did I think they were going to do - I answered quite blandly to that one - then he kept on with very stupid questions so I left that chat ha.

And most being painful repeats of ‘hi, how are you’ that I ignore fast.

I have 3 I can name but not sure they’re actual irons - maybe just travel ones.

Mr Wildlife - good interesting chat and like his values/style - guessing I’m not for him as he goes away then just drops back with a brief opener- I’m ok with that and basically just getting my iron numbers up here ha!

Mr Tree - nice long chats now, picked up slowly, with similar interests and views - I can tell he thinks I’m funny - I never get that ‘bounce back’ feeling though bless him. He’s nice, kind and not unattractive. However, whilst he says he’s been on his own a long time he did mention needing to get something from his ex wife and I just wondered how long ex wives store things, as a ‘good while’ to him might be different to mine - it’s just I’ve never found great potential with long term married and recently separated guys. He also was glad I smoke - I actually vape now but leave it at that so no issue (if they read it!) - weird a non smoker likes a smoker though - he does smoke - obviously that’s ok with me - but this is a constant general ‘fib’ I see.

And despite leaving one after one date - high boundaries - he’s persuaded me to have another meal Saturday- we had intermittent messages and I had a lovely date initially - mainly no plans, no one catching a major fancy, dreadful week - probably a bad reason to go, more for him than me, but we will see - naming him Mr Cornflakes to remind me of the leave it reasons ha! Nearly went for crunchy nut but don’t wish that image!!

Hope you’re all going to have a lovely bank holiday weekend 😃

@Kaltenzahn I don't think Mr Bishop is that type (also we have a friend in common so there is a bit of pressure on both of us to behave well).

@MsJinks sounds like you are doing well. A good while 🚩worries me a little with my own lens. Mr X had been single "since the pandemic" when we met in '23 and actually said 2 years, which fit. I thought. Turns out t'was TWO WEEKS which if I had known I'd have turned tail for the same reasons you give.

Well not heard from Mr no name so sent a message last night saying do you want to meet again or shall we wish each other well and move on?

I would rather draw a line now than tiptoe

Did you get a second date @TwistedWonder ?

No. Chatted on message this week but other than the weekend away in April no second date mentioned despite on Saturday him making several suggestions about where we could ‘next time’

Id rather now know one way or the other.

I do wonder if the weekend question is to find out how likely you are to sleep with him sooner rather than later.

How does this sit with you?

To be honest after Saturdays date it crossed my mind to say if he wants to go out again he’s welcome to stay here. So I’m not against the idea but it would need to happen naturally and not be planned.

Though the fact he’s not replied yet probably tells me all I need to know and this one is done.

Im out today with mates and the guy I met just before Christmas who’s been travelling is going to be there so might have to have a chat with him 😂

Well I just tried to iron my shirt for tonight and the iron left a black mark as iron was dirty and I failed to check.

Hello! Checking in after a long absence.

Haven't really been dating or made an effort to date all winter. Instead have been in Hermit mode, stayed in, started a new business... But now that spring is here, really missing that physical connection, hours of chatting, cuddles and waking up next to someone.

Mr RedFlagParade fizzled. Basically neither made a big effort to meet again, and he seemed like he wanted a more text/call based dynamic, so I told him I wasn't interested. He still resurfaces once a week and posts passive aggressive Insta stories (e.g. 'women don't know what they want' memes) but I don't have time for this 😂

Mr Volleyball is still around and sends flirty messages on work chat, and will visit soon, but because of the different countries situation, I'm not really paying attention. He's a nice enough friend though, and funny.

Got 'chatted up' (?) by a man in a coffee shop a few weeks back. I mean, literally a coffee shop where you buy beans, smell them etc. I loved his approach, he found an unusual-smelling coffee and just asked me to smell it. I think he was American? However, for whatever reason I made polite conversation for 30 seconds and ran away.

I feel like I've always followed this pattern. In 99% of cases, I think in my head 'do I see myself spending my life with this guy? God no!!!' and dodge. And trying to get myself into a mindset of giving more people a bit of a time of day, as opposed to focusing on the 1 guy every 6 months that I actually instantly fancy.

Guess the strategy for April will be to spend more time outside! I'll be in Germany for a while soon, so wonder whether that could get interesting, too.

Good to see you @ElleintheWoods 😀

Just had a reply saying let’s meet Sunday.

Good that it's a couple of days away. Are you free and do you fancy it?

@TwistedWonder thats good, at least he replied even if his communication could improve.
I’m whittling down my surge of matches on hinge. Mr no name will not be getting a name as he lied about where he lives and isn’t local. He’s 100 miles away so no idea how he came up as living a couple of towns away (20 min drive from me). He’s still tried to persuade me to meet him but that’s not happening.
The next most attractive option seems to be spending the whole weekend getting drunk with his mates so that tells me he’s too much of a lad (in his 40’s).
I was out last night with friends and one has unmatched me as I didn’t reply quickly enough so that’s helpful to show me who he is.
The rest are going through the dull initial questions and I’m losing interest! Volume doesn’t equate to quality. I’ve a few things planned so will try IRL as well.

@Brightbluesomething if Hinge is like Tinder it goes by actual location rather than where you live.

@Nosdacariad Hinge has two location options. A house symbol for hometown which is constant and a pin drop which will change based on your current location. Both said a town near me and stayed like that for a few days. Then the pin drop changed to a town in the north east so I asked him about it and that’s where he lives. The house symbol has now changed to Coventry which is very weird? Sounds dodgy to me so I’ve stepped back.

That does sound iffy.

I am free. We had already said earlier in week that’s only day this weekend we both free.

I will meet as I think it’s much better to have face to face conversations. And see if this meet up feels the same as the last.

@Nosdacariad- 2 weeks 🙈 why do they do this?

I had a date once and met in a small out of the way pub - I realised later I must have looked acceptable as we went in to a much different type of pub - his exes friends were there.

He phoned the next day - absolutely distraught that his ex was off to a hotel with her new fella and he was in his way there too and going to either kill new guy or himself - I talked him down though the firemen listening in told me to hang up lol.

I felt bad for him - I wasn’t fussed about him though - could have been awkward for him. But the games they were still clearly playing with each other weren’t for me.

I gave another separated one in the wild a date and honestly it was like he couldn’t function without direction - seemed lost solo - with no opinion or idea about where to go/what to do - guess his wife had sorted it all. He got back with her after a while anyway.

Wish them both well but it’s definitely another avoid for me.

One of the first men I went on a date with after finding myself single told me he’d called off his wedding and taken time out to to be single and work on himself

So I asked the question how long ago he called the wedding off - 6 weeks ago!!!! So that’s ’taking time to work on himself’ - not quite sure how much work he managed there!

That sounds traumatic.

That helplessness is very unattractive. (I've had unable to find own way out of two platform train station and unable to open a binbag)

@MsJinks @TwistedWonder I think it's easier for some men to find a capable woman than to do it themselves.

I've got my spidey senses tuned to avoid that now...I think.

I honestly think a lot of men come out of a long marriage and can’t wipe their own backside without a woman giving them instructions.

Hence the fact half of them looking for the proverbial nurse with a purse

Om goodness - that made me laugh though.

I have been fortunate generally but one guy, who was lovely and competent, was quite sad his home ‘lacked a woman’s touch’

Oh I had a date where he couldn’t understand- or manage - a carvery or fetch cutlery etc etc. I found it quite off putting - I’m all for equality but having to hold their hand on the very basics is just so not manly my traditional female side finds its ick ha!

My father was very competent and more than pulled his weight in my parents’ complete partnership - my grandad the same even though born in 1908 - it was so disappointing to realise this wasn’t the norm

I wish I had your senses … the last person I dated said he’d been too busy to do his washing up or washing for a week … it was all just stacked up… and got on my nerves so much I washed up for him 😬

it’s so weird as a working single mum to relate to people saying they don’t have time to tidy up 🤷‍♀️

@TwistedWonder I think your guy is playing you a bit, you shouldn't really have to chase him to confirm things.