Fell out with long term friend after keeping pregnancy quiet

[M231OTW]

Will keep it as short as I can without missing out important details.

Been "best friends" with Sally for 20 years, spoke almost daily but only when Sally was alone so if we were on a call and her partner was arriving home/arrived home the call would instantly be ended mid conversation.

I had 3 kids Sally had 1, but we very rarely done anything with the kids if we met up it would be to grab few bits while kids were at school same goes for the weekend, Sally liked to drink and had a babysitter every weekend. I dont drink and don't like anyone having my kids.

Sally is due to be married March 2027, I had been asked to be bridsemaid I agreed. Hen do is booked for January 2027, I paid deposit and wasnt supposed to start making regular payments until this month.

I fell pregnant and decided to keep my pregnancy a surprise and didn't tell Sally, didnt tell anyone apart from my mum and even then she didnt find out until near the end and of course I needed someone on standby for my other kids when labour came around.

Sally had booked a date to go pick dresses, didnt ask if it was suitable for anyone just booked it (her wedding her choice, I have no issues with that) but unfortunately I couldnt make the date as had no babysitter and also heavily pregnant at this point so wasnt mad that I couldnt make the date as I would have had to announce my pregnancy (couldnt hide it) and didnt want to take away from her day.

The dress was picked, the hen was booked i was attending the hen and organising shirts etc for said hen, baby would have been almost 12 months at date of hen so would have established eating routine etc by then.

Baby was born very quickly, I took a few days to get my head around it then let grandparent and aunts/uncles know then video called Sally to let her know.

Instantly knew Sally wasnt happy and she straight away asked about her wedding and hen, ensured her all would be ok its over a year away and that I would be there.

Then came the messages about how friends dont keep secrets like this, all while im 4 days postpartum, explained I wanted to keep it to myself my choice etc and it just went from there, I was banished from the hen party and we parted ways. Again im not mad about this because people who she spoke the back off so badly are now the new bridsemaids but out of curiosity wondering how others would have dealt with this and who is in the wrong?

So your friendship was only 5-10 mins of her ranting down the phone and bad mouthing other people for 20 years and you barely said a word? Come off it OP your fooling no one.

Apparently not. Sally is her only ‘friend’ in the country she lives in, and she sees family only at occasions like weddings, and apparently didn’t see any of them at all for the nine months of pregnancy, does her shopping online, works from home, and does the school run by car without any contact with anyone at all.

Op originally you said you spoke almost every day. She asked you to be her bridesmaid. You obviously were very good friends and now you’re backpedaling, trying to make out that she’s always been a crap friend. You don’t think that going from speaking every day, to keeping an entire pregnancy a secret is weird? I wholeheartedly agree with people saying you haven’t kept your your side of the friendship bargain. A secret like this would kill most friendships for all the reasons people have explained, but you’re determined not to accept that and just blame sally for being a crap friend.

And here comes the ND drip feed when the thread isn't going their way.
I could set my watch by it.

You're desperately trying to make Sally sound worse and worse but it's not making you sound any better.

You shouldn't have accepted as bridesmaid if Sally is such a bad person/friend. Although ending friendship wasnt your intention it does sound like it has run its course. Try to see the positives of no longer being friends and dont give it any more headspace.

Sorry OP but that’s really bizarre, I’d certainly be looking 👀 a bit bizarrely at deliberately not telling her. We didn’t say too much about our babies because we’d had so many miscarriages, but when we did tell some people very late on, we explained it was on the DL just because we’ve had so many times telling people then having to explain a miscarriage yet again

I think you have your answer there, OP. She sounds awful. I think you're well rid.

You were unreasonable with or without the drip feeds, pointless starting a thread if you aren’t going to accept any of the feedback.

Exactly.

🤭🤣

I would walk away from a friendship like this, it’s not serving any purpose.
Your choice is bizarre and the way she reacted was probably down to shock.

I think I probably wouldn’t be a bridesmaid for someone if the friendship was so one-way and I didn’t like how Sally conducted herself. You just don’t sound invested in her at all, you said yourself you’re not mad.

I think to you she sounds like someone you know not a friend, though it sounds like Sally thought differently and is hurt. You sound quite indifferent about that though. I once read that indifference is the opposite of love, I think that’s why to me it sounds like you don’t really care about Sally. I’m just surprised you didn’t step back sooner if you don’t like how she talks about people etc.

Friendships can run their course I suppose. I hope you make a new friend.

Also you said in your OP you did look pregnant and people would have guessed. I’m still surprised no one else saw you and picked up on it unless your clothes hid your bump.

But then later on in the thread she says her bump was “tiny” due to her issues and nobody noticed. More holes in her story than Swiss cheese.

You obviously don’t like her 🤷‍♀️

This is one of those threads where I think people are so weird 🤯

You and Sally are probably just as bad as each other. I am so glad my friends are nice and normal.

I said I was "showing" at the date of the dress fitting i had 1 week left of pregnancy, I looked bloated but at that stage the question could have come up, I naturally very slim and any time ive put on a bit of weight ive been asked if I was pregnant so having the bloated look would have warrented the "are you pregnant question" yes my clothes did hide it.

The more @M231OTW posts, the more I feel like this entire thread is a work of fiction

• didn’t tell or see family for almost a year
• apparent best friend but actually I don’t like her very much and we have no mutual friends
• only looks “a bit bloated” when 39 weeks pregnant with 4th baby!

You actively hid your pregnancy OP. Stop trying to make out that it's simply a case of nobody noticing.

She didn't say Friend immediately hung up without warning, but that call would be ended. I assume that means quickly drawn to a close. Which is what majority of people would likely do if someone else has come into the room so you need to get on with joint tasks like making the evening meal or discussing who's sorting out the toddlers etc.

I get the feeling the OP loves a drama. Hence her saying she avoided interactions where she might steal someones thunder. Because being pregnant or having a 12 months old is obviously something that no-one had ever done, ever. It's main character syndrome.

AIBU - I wanted a QUIET pregnancy and hid it from my closest friend for 9 mths. I then facetimed her to reveal my surprise and show off the baby. Imagine my surprise when she didnt want to talk about my quiet pregnancy!! She is not being LOUD AND PROUD about my new baby but is talking about her own life (that she has actively involved me in over the last 9 mths).

AIBU to think my friend should be making MORE NOISE about my QUIET pregnancy and should be MORE QUIET and maybe even SECRET about her own wedding??

Awful for what? Not playing into OP's silly game?

You literally said in your OP you couldn’t hide it.

Your just trolling now OP good one 😂

do you follow some strange belief where you believe in this “evil eye” nonsense? If people know something about you, they’ll curse you out of jealousy or something? I suspect you believe in this evil eye nonsense and you’re not admitting to it