Partner dismisses concerns and leaves mess, unsure about moving out rights

[GeordieFun]

I joined mumsnet for support about my relationship- i have felt low for years and he takes me for granted, cleaning, cooking, he is very messy, his side of the room is just disgusting empty cans, dirty plates like he is still living at uni! He says i over react and i pick bad moments when he is stressed about work to bring issues.

I have felt the same everyday for years, there is no moment of joy with him... I am struggling to get my partner to understand this isnt working.
I prefer to be single and want to go back to how I was before moving in with him - he isnt totally bad, I feel he needs someone who is musically like him and they bounce off each other playing instruments etc.

I basically need advice - our home we got together is in his name as well! I pay him a set amount each month for the past 6 years and I am scared of walking away with nothing and how to get him to listen without taking offence.

You need to contact a lawyer

Is your home rented or bought?

We bought it 6 years ago, when we decided to move in together.

Are you both on the deeds?

Is the house in your name too?

Don't think so. I totally messed up, he said he would add me later down the line but never did.

Get legal advice for sure but from what you’ve said you have been like a lodger - living in his house paying rent - so not sure you’d be entitled to much.

So it’s in both your names, you mention his name as well. Can he buy you out? Seek solicitor advice.

Is it mortgaged?

Is there anything in writing between you where he clearly indicates that the intention was for you to have a joint claim on the property?

No all documents look like it's in his name. I am sure he used some of my wages to get the mortage in the first place but need access to his email for the documents.

It’s really difficult as you’re not married and not on the deeds
you need legal advice but you may well end up with nothing :-(
I would imagine he knew exactly what he was doing by never putting you on the deeds - you need to walk away but you would have freedom and peace of mind

Did you contribute to the deposit at the time of purchase? Apart from the amount which you have been paying each month (which could be like a rental amount), have you contributed in any other way – large amounts towards maintenance, redecoration etc?

I am sure he used some of my wages to get the mortage in the first place

He can't do that without the mortgage being in joint names. The lender will not lend on another person's income without that person being named as a mortgagee.

This is what I was thinking! I have children (not to present partner) and go out alone with nothing! Is completely messed up! I feel like crying

Although you talk about walking away with nothing, bear in mind that if you hadn’t been living together and paying him “rent”, you would’ve had to live somewhere and pay a similar or possibly greater amount? Unless you had the funds to get a mortgage on your own?

If you are unhappy in the relationship and see no possibility for change, then you have to get out with your children.

It’s awful for you and the kids
it still may be worth speaking to a Especially as you have bee financially contributing but I don’t think you should massively get your hopes up
do you work? You and your children will feel so much better off long term when you’re away from him but the short term is the tough bit

What is the set amount you’ve been paying? Since you’re not married, and the mortgage is in his name, and the children aren’t his, I’m surprised you feel you’re entitled to anything.

You need a plan. See a solicitor to see what's what with the house and go from there. I'd probably get saving to move out in the meantime.

our home we got together is in his name as well! I pay him a set amount each month for the past 6 years and I am scared of walking away with nothing

If you aren't married and you aren't on the deeds, you may as well get your life back and leave. You don't have rights to that asset, he has stitched you up and lied to you. He probably never intended to add you to the deeds.

Think it is called Joint Borrower Sole Proprietor - it was 6 years ago I signed a document to help secure the mortage

You’ve been paying him rent, which you would have done living elsewhere so it’s not a huge loss in that sense. Assuming you didn’t contribute to the deposit?

At least it makes it easy to walk away. You can stop paying any bills, pack your stuff and leave without legal wrangles over a house.

Out of interest, what did you think you would be entitled to if you didn't contribute to the deposit or mortgage?

If you have that document then you might have some redress.

Oh wow. I didn’t know this was a thing but from a quick google, this is terrible for you. Why on earth did you agree to this? You’re jointly responsible for the mortgage but have no ownership over the asset.