Partner dismisses concerns and leaves mess, unsure about moving out rights

[GeordieFun]

I joined mumsnet for support about my relationship- i have felt low for years and he takes me for granted, cleaning, cooking, he is very messy, his side of the room is just disgusting empty cans, dirty plates like he is still living at uni! He says i over react and i pick bad moments when he is stressed about work to bring issues.

I have felt the same everyday for years, there is no moment of joy with him... I am struggling to get my partner to understand this isnt working.
I prefer to be single and want to go back to how I was before moving in with him - he isnt totally bad, I feel he needs someone who is musically like him and they bounce off each other playing instruments etc.

I basically need advice - our home we got together is in his name as well! I pay him a set amount each month for the past 6 years and I am scared of walking away with nothing and how to get him to listen without taking offence.

@GeordieFun - please take legal advice. I’m a lawyer but not in this area and it’s years since i looked at undue influence cases but, unless you took independent legal advice at the time (which i think the mortgage company should have insisted on), you may be able to challenge the mortgage. I wonder what your partner told the lender. The lender should have been questioning why a woman with children wanted to jointly buy a property, be liable for the mortgage but not have an interest in the property. As PPs have said, you’re essentially guaranteeing the mortgage payments. The lender should have been wondering why you would do that. You may be able to challenge this.

PS do you have written evidence of his promises to add you later? If not, make a note of what you recall in that regard. Documentary evidence is best but you saying that that was the arrangement is still evidence (especially if put in a witness statement with a statement of truth at the end).

Wow he has messed you right over. Why did you agree ?
You have to get legal advice , however it’s complicated .
Do you know how to get yourself off the mortgage ?
If you leave you will still be liable for payments: if not he looses the home and your credit is effected .

What would you like to do ? Do you have a deposit and able to move out ?

Same here. Never heard of it. Sounds a bit like being a guarantor with all the risk and none of the benefit. Why not just get a joint mortgage? Sly fucker knew what he was doing there.

But to need her on the mortgage the property is beyond what HE could afford. He must be absolutely laughing. Not only has he used her to secure a mortgage whilst retaining full ownership of the property, he’s been taking “rent” too, the CF. The only way I can see this arrangement could have ever been fair was if he paid the full mortgage each month and OP had been able to save the money. He walks away with everything now and she walks away with nothing but being financially linked to an ex for the next 25-30 years. Madness.

OP you have been 100% shafted. Even if you walk away from any equity, you NEED to be off the mortgage. You can frame the last 6 years as having just been renting, but you will never be able to take out your own mortgage whilst still liable for his. And if he ever defaults on paying it will affect your credit score, so it may impact your ability to even rent. You need to speak to a solicitor, like yesterday.

If he used your earnings to satisfy the requirements for the mortgage then you must be named on the mortgage. The mortgage company would not have someone on the mortgage who was not named on the deeds, so it would follow that you are a co owner on the deeds, either joint tenant or tenants in common.

This all assumes that he put your earnings down on the final mortgage application and bought the house on that basis. In that case you are a joint owner of the house and entitled to half its current value. If your ex cannot buy you out you can go to court to get an order to force the sale.

Best way forward now is to establish if you are in fact named as joint owner. If you can’t get hold of his mortgage paperwork can you remember the mortgage company he used? If so, contact the company and ask them if they have a mortgage account for your address and if your name is on it. If you are named on the account they must disclose all details of the account to you and supply you with statements etc.

You should also look on the Land Registry website for the title entry for the house to see who is named as owners. Anyone can go on the site and order copies of the title entry for a very low fee. If you are named, you can enforce your ownership rights.

One point, if you find you are named on the mortgage but not on the Land Registry title, it would indicate your ex has probably fraudulently removed your name from the title. This is because your name can only be removed with your written permission, so he would have forged your signature to do it. If you find this situation alert the mortgage company and the police immediately as it is criminal fraud.

Good luck OP, I do hope you are able to enforce your legal rights here. There should be a special place in Hell for these shitty males who try to screw their partners over.

Yes I have saved WhatsApp chat between us staying he will put me on but it is a headache for him and also a chat about me not leaving the relationship with nothing.

I know what i have done! There is a lot more going on then I can talk about! I need advice and perhaps I have been a little silly! Listening to his lies for years. In today climate, me just moving out and finding a place to live isn't easy. I am not planning on tricking him the way he has with me, not sure that would benefit me in the long run.

Yes I bet. Sorry but you will get nothing.
You had best cut your losses and leave.
You are an unpaid servant who pays his mortgage for him. You arent married so have no rights.
Please dont put yourself in this situation again.

I repeat you will get nothing. You have no legal rights whatsoever. Whatsapp messages are not legal documents.

Supporting borrowers in this case would have to have received independent legal advice to make sure she understands what she is getting into. Without that the mortgage contract isn’t legally enforceable. These mortgages are aimed at parents helping their DC to buy a property. I would hope that any reputable solicitor would have strongly advised OP to not do this and instead insist on being joint owner of the property.Doesn’t sound like anything like that happened here.

OP talks about having signed something online that she had to access through her ex’s email address. He probably did everything that way so she didn’t find out that she was actually joint owner, then lied to her that she was not.

Op, are you able to find out if the house is due to be remortgaged soon (ie. A fixed term coming to an end) ?

Did you get independent legal advice before signing? If not, the mortgage company cannot enforce the mortgage contract you signed.

If you did and the solicitor did not STRONGLY recommend that you do not sign this agreement as it was decidedly not in your best interests, I would pursue a complaint against the solicitor for negligence. Check the firm’s website for their complaints procedure and initially follow that. If that does not resolve the issue to your satisfaction, contact the SRA to escalate. The process at all stages is free and straightforward.

Even if you received correct advice but ignored it, it is worth consulting a solicitor about making a claim on the value of the property. You may have a case as you signed up to the mortgage and also made regular payments specifically towards the mortgage ever since the property was purchased. Sounds like you were pressured into this by your ex which would be a factor taken into account.

WhatsApp chats can be used as evidence of intentions if the OP brings a case to claim a share of the property. If they demonstrate the OP was explicitly told by her ex that he intended putting her on the deeds that is strong evidence that the OP is entitled to a share. The messages can be more easily proved electronically to have come from the ex than pieces of paper.

These are the “parental help” mortgages that are being quite heavily advertised at the moment. Fair enough if you are a parent wanting to help out your child and you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. Quite another for someone in OP’s situation where it can never be in her best interests and coercion should always be suspected.

Please collate all the information you can OP (mortgage provider, land registry, evidence of money you've sent him every month) and get some independent legal advice. People are always saying on here not to let partners pay towards the mortgage as they may have a claim on the house, so all may not be lost (although may need a court battle)

He remortgaged it last year without telling me - he knows I have asked to be on the mortage and still he goes ahead and signs up to another 3 years. The more I write about this situation - the more stupid I have been. I truly did believe he would put me on the mortage x

He remortgaged it last year without telling me - he knows I have asked to be on the mortage and still he goes ahead and signs up to another 3 years. The more I write about this situation - the more stupid I have been. I truly did believe he would put me on the mortage x9

How did you find out he remortgaged?

I asked him when the mortage was up for renewal - can I eventually be put on the mortage- that is when he said he has already signed a new one.

It appears you are confused between being "on the mortgage" and "on the deeds", i.e. registered as a joint owner at the land registry. They are two very different things.
Worst case scenario is that you are already 'on the mortgage', but not a registered owner, i.e. you are liable to pay the mortgage if he defaults, for a property that you have no ownership over and possibly no claim on.

You need a lawyer ASAP.

Meanwhile, do NOT talk to him any more about the state of your relationship. You just don't need to discuss any of this with him. Don't ask about the deeds or mortgage. Stop "nagging" (hate that word) about the cleaning, etc.
If he thinks you are thinking of leaving, he could turn very nasty and put you in danger, or alternatively he could destroy evidence to stop you making a claim.

You’ll want away with less than nothing by the sound of it - you’ll walk away with a mountain of mortgage debt for HIS house.

What possessed you to take financial responsibility for something you didn’t own ?

You can be legal advice but it sounds as if you are in serious trouble. On top of paying for any rented accommodation you’ll be on the hook for his mortgage too.

Does he pay all of it now ? You need to find out what would happen to you if he decided to stop paying. Because it sounds as though you’d be jointly responsible.

If he refuses to pay and you can’t then what ?

Ignore this OP. @dery has suggested you take specialist legal advice and she is a lawyer.

Did he forge your signature? You should have both had to sign new papers.