Partner dismisses concerns and leaves mess, unsure about moving out rights

[GeordieFun]

I joined mumsnet for support about my relationship- i have felt low for years and he takes me for granted, cleaning, cooking, he is very messy, his side of the room is just disgusting empty cans, dirty plates like he is still living at uni! He says i over react and i pick bad moments when he is stressed about work to bring issues.

I have felt the same everyday for years, there is no moment of joy with him... I am struggling to get my partner to understand this isnt working.
I prefer to be single and want to go back to how I was before moving in with him - he isnt totally bad, I feel he needs someone who is musically like him and they bounce off each other playing instruments etc.

I basically need advice - our home we got together is in his name as well! I pay him a set amount each month for the past 6 years and I am scared of walking away with nothing and how to get him to listen without taking offence.

im sorry OP you seem to be in an awful situation. However, given one of your comments about doing anything to secure the situation, is this a case of coercive control? Would that be a route forward somehow?

In a Joint Borrower Sole Proprietor (JBSP) mortgage, all borrowers listed on the application—typically the resident buyer and a supporting family member—are jointly and severally liable for the mortgage payments. While only one person owns the property, both are responsible for ensuring the full monthly payment is made.

It looks like if he stops paying the mortgage the banks will chase her for the payment.

If it is a JBSP and you are named, then you are responsible for payments whether you live there or not.

What’s the remaining term of the mortgage?

Im not an expert but it seems JBSP is only ever a good thing if its family trying to help. He has properly screwed you over here. Responsibility for paying (even if you dont live there) yet absolutely no rights to the property from my knowledge.

I would contact a solicitor and see at the very least how the fuck you get out of this agreement (if you can)

You may walk away with nothing but honestly its better than walking away with responsibility for a mortgage and no house.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you OP.

Who in their right mind would sign this?

So you basically guaranteed it?

I am scared of walking away with nothing and how to get him to listen without taking offence.

Why are you worried about offending him? He’s been exploiting and financially manipulating you. He doesn’t appear to care about causing you offence.

You need legal advice if you can’t afford it some companies offer a free hour and often women’s charities offer free legal advice.

He won’t put you on the mortgage so you need to look at how you get out of it. If you can.
Making sure any savings you have are in an account he can’t access in your name.
Take your name off any household bills.
Start saving unless you have a hefty deposit for a house I’m assuming you will need to rent.

it looks like there’s 3 ways to get out of it-
1, if he can remortgage without you
2, if he sells the property
3, if someone else will take over the jbsp

If you are in the position where you are liable for the mortgage for the rest of the term you will probably just have to hope he never defaults. He probably won’t want to as potentially he would lose the house and screw up his credit score. It’s pretty awful to think he may have this hold over you for the next 20ish years though. And it may impact your ability to buy a house in the future.

He won’t put you on the mortgage so you need to look at how you get out of it. If you can.

She's already on the mortgage.

I don't think OP understands the seriousness of this.

This. Hopefully you were very very young when you signed this, and you can prove that you did not have your own solicitor to advise you. That is was his solicitor, which means it would not have been independent.

Frankly I'm amazed these mortgages are legal. No solicitor could ever have thought this was in your best interests.

You need good legal advice now and to talk to Women's Aid. Wishing you well OP.

And in future, never ever trust a boyfriend when it comes to money. Independent Solicitor only, with all advice in writing.

If you really have taken out a JBSP you are on the mortgage but are not on the deeds.

IANAL, but the mortgage company should have ensured you were advised by a solicitor. If you were advised by a solicitor, it seems you were very badly advised and may have a case against them.

I suggest you re-post this in Legal.

Maybe it’s time to sweet talk him into adding you to the deeds (he probably won’t but still) and then make plans to leave.

Any chance he will agree to get married? Then you'll be entitled to 50% of the house after divorce. Maybe instead of talking of separation you should trick him into marriage the way he tricked you?

This is not appropriate, and you must know this.

The issue is that a person has been paying towards a mortgage that they have responsibility for, for 6 years, on a fake promise that they would be added to the Deeds.

If it’s the only way to get what is fairly owed to either a man or a woman, then yes, why not?

Though I wouldn’t hold up much hope of it working and may put the partner in a position even more uncomfortable than losing 6 years worth of equity.

Not following through on a promise is one thing. Pretending to be happily in a romantic relationship with someone, perhaps for years, then scarpering when you gain access to a valuable asset, is quite another.

The guy is an exploitative creep. Interesting that you're defending him and painting her as a gold digger:

"I’m guessing she wanted a nice home for her and her kids, by any means necessary."

Gaining access to HER rightful asset that she's on the MORTGAGE for!!!

Devious rather than smart

I wonder if you would be able to get out of the mortgage by claiming that you were missold and not advised of the implications. Definitely worth talking to a solicitor to understand your options OP.
He is a thoroughly disgusting human being so you definitely need to get out but make sure you do get anything you are entitled to.
Dont despair, your life will improve without him. 💐

What you talking about when we moved in with each other we were happy! Situation has changed and why shouldn't I have access to equity! I still gave him a fair amount towards all bills - not like we got this property together and I acted like a princess and not paid nothing! Which would have been the correct course until i was on the deeds.

But nothing about his behaviour has been appropriate either.

@GeordieFun Respectfully OP, what are YOU on about? You've been tricked. You feeing it's unfair doesn't change the legal situation.

I was in a slightly similar position a few years ago. You may have some rights if you have been paying for bills or repairs and maintenance or part of the mortgage.

The way your partner is saying the problem with his mess is actually your reaction to it is typical of coercive control. It reminds me very much of my controlling friend who made up a big and very nasty lie about my new home and when I told her I knew she had lied, instead of apologizing, she told me a I had upset her because I should have realized that she was trying to protect me.