Partner dismisses concerns and leaves mess, unsure about moving out rights

[GeordieFun]

I joined mumsnet for support about my relationship- i have felt low for years and he takes me for granted, cleaning, cooking, he is very messy, his side of the room is just disgusting empty cans, dirty plates like he is still living at uni! He says i over react and i pick bad moments when he is stressed about work to bring issues.

I have felt the same everyday for years, there is no moment of joy with him... I am struggling to get my partner to understand this isnt working.
I prefer to be single and want to go back to how I was before moving in with him - he isnt totally bad, I feel he needs someone who is musically like him and they bounce off each other playing instruments etc.

I basically need advice - our home we got together is in his name as well! I pay him a set amount each month for the past 6 years and I am scared of walking away with nothing and how to get him to listen without taking offence.

You can go on land rsgistry diwnliad dociments for small fee . If you ask solicitor they will do same for a lot more.
If no mention of you then zero claim you have bern a lodger.
Are they ypur kids or is he dad to any ?

Get information about property and land: Get a copy of the deeds - GOV.UK https://share.google/uFCsDDJjUU2lm5lOR

So you're liable for the debt but have no claim on ownership. Did you contribute towards the deposit? What were your reasons for agreeing to this?

How to request a copy of the deeds

1. Find out if the property or land is registered.
3. Pay £7 to download a copy of the title register. If the deeds are marked as ‘filed’ in the register then HM Land Registry has a scanned copy.
5. Fill in the deeds request form using the property’s title number from the title register.

I’m guessing she wanted a nice home for her and her kids, by any means necessary.

You are gong to have to get legal advice in that case.

If that document is watertight, ie you agreed to the terms and signed it, then you probably don't have any redress.

There is a possibility that you could just stop paying the mortgage so that he has to pay it all himself or risk losing the house. The risk to you would not be so great as it's not your house anyway.

OP did you have independent legal advice before signing the paperwork for the mortgage? Potentially this is a very serious issue for you. If it is this type of mortgage you could be held accountable for the mortgage payments even if you walk away. You need legal advice urgently.

https://www.money.co.uk/mortgages/guides/joint-borrower-sole-proprietor-mortgages

Get the information from the mortgage provider
Get removed if you can
Go your own way

My advice? Lay off trying to get him to change - he won't
Pretend you are re-kindling the relationship - say you realise you have expected him to be someone he isn't and you love the fact that he is a feckless creative musician.

That you need to both commit to the relationship and your future - you will stop asking him to behave like a civilised adult clear up etc, and to show commitment to your joint future you could now catch up on what he said years ago and add your name to the Deeds.

Then once it is done...off you go, heading for the hills and with the right to insist that the house is sold and you get your share,

You must keep all your bank records that demonstrate that you have paid a regular amount every month towards the mortgage for 6 years.

However I cross posted with the info that you are actually on the mortgage.

See a lawyer.

Except that when you rent, you don't have to continue paying that rent when you move out, which is effectively what OP has signed up to.

Would you say the same thing if the sexes were reversed? I very much doubt it.

He's a smart man you have to give him that. There is no way he is going to agree to add her to the deeds.

Very true, but it may be that the property is better than what she could have afforded to rent.

Op you’re going to have a fight in your hands most likely to try to claim
beneficial interest because legally you don’t own any part of this house at all

if He doesn’t agree to simply give you your share, then you’ll have a costly legal
fight - and you’ll need to weigh up the costs vs equity fought over to determine whether it’s worth it.

and you’ll need to get off the mortgage which may be another issue if the lender won’t lend to him as sole person

That's irrelevant if she's not going to be living in it.

Tell me about it! I had my blinkers on and just went with it! Total mess.

I was at uni and we decided to buy the house together and put me on the mortage later! 6 years later he has refused to do this! Saying it is too complicated and a headache. I have a good job and just want a home after we separated.

Do you actually understand what you have done OP?

Oh Jesus OP...

I don't know what to suggest apart from getting onto Solicitors ASAP....

You appear to have no rights. You need to find somewhere to live.

By encouraging you to put yourself in this position he has shown you what kind of person he is. He is not going to be civil in a break up. He is devious and not to be trusted. Stop trying to get him to listen. He already knows how you feel and he doesn't care. Quietly seek legal advice and quietly make plans to leave. The more you tell him the more time he has to turn nasty.

I'm am concerned that if you move out you will have less than nothing - you will still have to continue to pay your share of the mortgage on his house. Were you coerced into this arrangement? As well as legal advice you need to speak to womens aid.

The longer you stay, the more of HIS mortgage you pay, and the longer you'll wait to get your own place.

And given what you think you signed, you really need legal advice.

I think it's her mortage too so she'll have to keep paying for his house even if she doesn't live there! It's insane.

The longer you stay, the more of HIS mortgage you pay, and the longer you'll wait to get your own place.

No, she has to continue to pay HIS mortgage even after she moves out as it's her mortgage too, so it makes no difference how long she stays.

All I can think of is that she defaults on the mortgage and either pays it all or the house will be repossessed.