Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

This man will never respect a FB. That’s not a blanket standard for all men.

It’s exceptionally rude for him to break things off like that in your house and just wave ‘see ya’ and walk out.

But as an FWB, a curt ending isn’t really unusual. Maybe decide if you’re up for this sort of thing again, because plenty of FWBs are not going to GAF. He’s found someone he likes more and probably wants to be exclusive with, so he’s not bothered.

Both childish and so obviously untrue.

Don't message him. Hang on to what's left of your dignity.

Unfortunately this is the danger of hook-ups. I wouldn't even call it FWBs as he doesn't sound like he is your friend.

Please don't do that.

Often, the strongest form of words, is no words at all (which is often the advice from our press office at work!)

Ouch. I know it's not the same as a relationship in terms of feelings and therefore not treated the same way but he should have said something prior to having sex with you on this occasion when he knew he was ending the arrangement. Sorry he's done this OP.

How horrible. It takes a particular sort of thoughtlessness to not even wait until you were dressed.

Honestly think that the whole concept of FWB is used by some people (mainly men) to excuse some pretty shitty behaviour to other people (mainly women)- it's a nice fluffy term for an arrangement that can involve some very unkind behaviour but then you can't object because you're just FWB...

They absolutely owe their partners basic sexual and general manners, as they do in any other relationship. A FWB set up is a way of having regular sex with someone you like without any romantic involvement or expectation of future commitment, not some kind of ‘wham bam, now fuck off’ free for all.

Honestly isn’t this just FWB
sex no commitment no emotions and feelings

Don’t ever let him crawl back! He will try. No contact, head high, don’t bother telling him what a prick he is as that will just feed his ego.

A FWB and I once decided to call things off when we were in bed but it was mutual and we were more friends than benefits if you know what I mean. We are still friends because neither of us were shitbags about it.

No. No strings isn’t the same as no basic manners.

Why would you not have had ‘one last shag’ if you knew? You said it was enjoyable and it wasn’t that you hoped for a relationship.

No one owes anyone anything.

The universe doesn't owe anyone justice.

You're not entitled to anything nor is anyone else.

If someone values you and wants to be in a relationship with you it's because you value yourself and show it through your boundaries.

It’s not unusual for it to end with ‘I’ve met someone, so I won’t be doing this any more. Thanks. Take care of yourself’. But having barely withdrawn from the other person’s vagina is just poor manners by any standards.

I’d send this tbh

She might have been up for that, but she deserved that information beforehand to make a choice about it.

But you've been completely willing to have no strings sex with him too. Getting what you want works both ways

How can an FWB dump someone? and yeah get tested.

I would say even FWB should carry the expectation of a certain level of manners. Of course you can’t guarantee it but you are entitled to be a bit hacked off if he can’t be a bit gracious. I wonder if the thrill of having two women on the go has gone to his head.

Anyway I’d be grateful you never wanted anything more serious with this guy OP and put him in the category of a bit of a nob. I certainly wouldn’t be flattering his ego by letting him think you’re remotely bothered. Being completely normal with him gives the highest chance of irritating him if he thinks he’s Brad Pitt.

he'll laugh.

I am owed basic decency and good sexual manners, the same way I’d expect someone to hold a door for me if I were right behind them and carrying something large and heavy. I’ve always had it in FWB situations.

WOW! I'd be shell shocked too what an arse!! I would love to text him telling him exactly what I thought of him, but I probably wouldn't I think you'd be better off saying nothing

You can hope to get it but if you expect it without making yourself valuable enough to the other person then it may well be a vain hope.

Yes Grey Rock. Especially since he's often at school pick up. Behave as if you barely know him, can barely see him because he is of zero interest. I also wouldn't tell any one who knows him at school (at least not yet)

I think I agree with above . Especially as its only just happened. That way you have time to process it.
It was so sudden, and a nasty way to end things but in a way to use a phrase so often used on MN.. "he's shown you who he is"... and at least this way, there's no chance of you thinking "if only" or that it could have developed.

So although its unnecessarily brutal and calculated and he's a complete joke because I bet he got a huge ego boost out of it ( so pathetic) , in a way its done you a huge favour because behaviour like this is unlikely to make you regret it ending or miss him, although I'm sure it stings at the moment.

He deserves no more of your time or energy.

Say nothing, text nothing. Don't give him any more oxygen; he'll think you've caught feelings and are being bitter.

If you bump into him at the school, it's totally up to you if you blank him or not but if it were me (and I'm petty) I'd still say hello etc to him but that would be the extent of it.