Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

Thats fine, OP, it came out of nowhere so I'd say it was a typical surprised response. You didn't cry or tell him him to get the fuck out 😂

Men are often such cowards when it comes to anything that has the potential to have any type of emotional response. What a twat.

He’s met someone else. Men like this tend to come back around, don’t be surprised if he tries to hoover you once he gets bored with his new dalliance.

You, in fact, have confused me
with someone else.

I never said that.

Have a scroll.

For ease of reference, this is what I said:

”Ouch!
I think he might have met someone else but still wanted to squeeze one last shag in with you today.
I would just accept his position - dont ask for any explanations or say that he was a bit heartless. Just agree to leave it and then stop all comms.
Sorry OP - I hope you are ok.”

You are very aggressive in your posts. I hope all is ok.

I'm sorry OP, that does sound utterly charmless.

It reminds me of a French film I saw, a biopic about an 18th century composer (highbrow? Moi?) the main character does exactly this to the girl he's seduced - his mentor's daughter. He leaps out of bed after DTD and announces 'My body has tired of you!'

So we've both confused one another with other people, because I never mentioned confronting him; at least you just opted for passive aggression though. Go you!

A follow up text to let him know you would have preferred him to tell you his intentions before he had sex with you would be fine in my opinion.

“hi, just so you know for future women, I would have rather you told me you felt we have run our course before you had sex with me today. Just because we had a casual arrangement does not mean you had the right to a shag knowing you would tell me 30 seconds after we’d had sex, when you were literally still in my bed. I would not have agreed to sex had I known that was your intention” then block

I don’t really need your sarcastic, affirmation but ok, and thanks. GO YOU, right back at you.

I’d message and say, sorry was a bit shocked this morning with your announcement. Mind, I should have seen it coming really, with your diminishing performance over the past few months. Any how, just to say no hard feelings (if you’ll excuse the pun), best wishes for the future.

What a c*

Even a FWB owes manners and a basic level of respect.

Poor you. I would go and get tested now, unless you have always used protection. My ex was a slag and as I was on the pill we didn't used protection. He gave me chlamydia and didn't realise how serious it was.

I would call him out on it but calmly and with no emotion. Tell him what a dick move it was.

Not saying anything let's him get away with it with not even a prick of his consciounce. Letting him know his behaviour fell below that which is respectful ...let's him know it wasn't good enough. Whether that gives him pause for thought or not is neither here nor there.

Just calm and stating the fact. Then walk away.

These are pretty much my current thoughts, I must say.

I'm trying to remember if he actually had his pants on when he started dumping me. I honestly don't think he did. Tosser.

Whilst some of the revenge ideas are tempting I wouldn’t do any of them.

Get tested for STI’s (and make sure it’s a full set - a lot of places seem to not offer oral swabs for women) and then just remember his rudeness if he comes sniffing around again.

I hope you've blocked him now - get in there first before he does it to you and makes you feel like a stalker

Leaving you with such happy memories! And sheets to wash, the bastard.

In a couple of weeks he will probably come crawling back because he realises that having a proper relationship with someone requires a bit more effort than turning up with your toothbrush and condoms in a red spotted handkerchief.

That will be the time to ask innocently if the STD clinic have been in touch because you gave them his contact details……..

Saying anything now is going to make him think “she’s salty because she’s got feelings”

The only time I’d say anything is when he comes back at some point (decent FWB set ups are hard for men to find so chances of him coming back at some point are high) and then I’d say that his rudeness in how he ends things make him an absolute no go.

Well if he does come crawling back after a few weeks it should be a firm no thanks. There’s no way a man who treated me like that would ever step foot back in my house let alone my bed.

Sounds like he turned up at yours with a task list in mind and went into execution mode.

1. Get Undressed ✅
2. Have sex ✅
3. Dump FWB ✅
4. Leave ✅

FWIW I doubt he's giving the Situation any second thoughts. Task Complete if you see what I mean.

My penny's worth is that I wouldn't text him at all.

No matter what you say, and you're entitled to say it, he will look on as if you are hurt, upset or even worse, trying to get a discussion going because you don't want it to be the end.

Let him worry about how he will be at the school gate. Just go along and act as you normally would.

Let him see he's no loss to you and it's water off a duck's back. Let him work that assessment of his skills into his opinion of himself.

he's 100% met someone else. No man ever says a frequent convenient shag has run its course.

Many are missing the point that a man will never respect a FB. I personally would rather go without sex permanently than lower myself to the status of FB.

are you 14 ?

I wouldn't message him anything or bother speaking to him about it.

Man's an arsehole. End it before sex, not straight after, prick.

Never mind OP. Do something nice for yourself today.