Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

What a tosser! Even though it was just a FWB situation, this would still be so hurtful!

Sorry this has happened to you OP. Just keep your head high later and try to ignore him. If you can’t ignore him, just be civil.

He's a wanker, you're well rid. Sorry OP.

I dont approve or disapprove so you've made a wrong assumption there

Im just being realistic about how (mainly) men operate in these circumstances.

We all 'expect' basic manners from people, that would be great, but its not a relationship as such so theres going to be some coldness I would imagine.

Well, tbf I’ve been with DH for long I think I actually was a teenager the last time I got dumped, so fair enough, I’m out of touch! I’ll bow out now and leave it to those with more experience to give advice.

He sounds like a dickhead though, OP. Shitty way to behave.

Jesus, OP is hardly behaving like a precious queen by asking for a bit of human decency, like, don't treat me like some kind of fuck jar if you had intended to break it off. He could have easily sent OP a text and used his hand. Gross behaviour on his part, very deceptive.

Agree with @SharpWriter
Give him a smile and a wave at pick-up as though you're not bothered.
He acted horribly.

How did you respond?!

Really CF

Depending on what was said afterwards I would be tempted to text him this evening and say "sorry but this isn't working for me, I dont think we should see each other any more".

What a tosser!
Please don’t let his behaviour get to you. He is a pig, the trash took itself out.
Did he think he was “gifting” you a last shag? As if he is doing you some favour? I don’t get his thought process at all.

No, I meant 'your' specifically because it was specifically you who was telling the OP that FWBs don't owe anyone, including (presumably) her, manners.

Oh my, this is rather awkward!

I hope you can grey rock this situation in the playground, or where ever you have to share the same air as him.

And if he changes his mind because you appear so unbothered, please tell him you think he was absolutely right, it had ran it's course and you're glad he made you see sense... Be really grateful to him for making you see the light!! 😆

Yes this, the cheeky git, how selfish of him.

I'd be tempted to send one final text before blocking him. Something like

Just a head's up, when you decide you no longer want to continue a casual sex only arrangement, the correct way to do this is either via text or over a coffee/drink, it is not just after sex. In case you were not aware of what is considered basic manners and reasonable behaviour.

The fact that we were shagging casually does not mean you aren't expected to be a decent human being. I tell you this only in solidarity with any future women who have the poor luck to end up involved with you and in the small hope that you will treat future partners (whether they be full relationships or casual) with a bit more respect'

Then block

I don’t think it’s low expectations - that is just a bit harsh on your part.

What is the point of “calling out” someone who has already clearly shown you that they don’t value the F part of FWB? I am genuinely asking
you.

If you think “calling him out” is going to make him change his ways I think you are deluded. He will just move on to the next woman and think @Sleepingbaggage is crazy / over emotional / making it too deep etc etc

I was advocating exiting with dignity, not saying his behaviour is ok. His behaviour was shit - clearly.

When you see him at the school gates smile say something like “ye it was getting a bit boring anyway happy we’ve called it a day”. Lucky escape for you he seems a bit of a knob

So bloody rude. What a nob. You must feel that you have a big 'WTF?!' speech bubble above you. You deserve more after a 12 month relationship. He could have given you the heads up before and asked if you were up for 'one for the road'. Hope you don't feel too awkward at pick-up.

What a prick. Even in a FB set up basic manners should apply, more so in FWB.

100% he has someone else. If that doesn’t work out for him then he’ll be back asking for the course to start running again.

i would get a STI check, someone who lacks manners to that point wouldn’t end a regular FWB set up before being sure the new woman is going to be a regular thing.

What are you on about? Where did I even mention calling him out? You appear to have confused me with someone else who was replying to you.

The only person I was calling out was you, on making excuses for a man to behave like a disrespectful asshole just because the OPs relationship was purely sexual.

I was shocked so I can't quite remember exactly what I said. It was something like "Oh, OK. Wow. I didn't see that coming!" And then sort of laughed. I really didn't know what to say. Apart from anything else I had no clothes on and was laying down whilst he was trying to get dressed, so not an ideal scenario for a conversation. I hadn't even been to the loo!
Then I got out of bed, put a dressing gown on and saw him out the door with a 'See you later!' It was really very quick. Normally he'd have a shower and there'd be a peck at the front door but he couldn't wait to get away and I was too shocked to know quite what to do!

@Sleepingbaggage I bet over the course of today you're going to come up with a million witty retorts that you wish you'd thought of in that moment - that's exactly what I'd do! I hope imagining saying them to him helps you feel a bit better 💐

Oh, OP. I’m sorry and hope you’re OK!

Regardless if FB, FWB etc etc, that’s bound to have stung.

Let him run off to wherever he’s going and don’t look back.

God what an idiot. Can’t wait to get away. You’re well shot of him.

I agree with pps that he's met someone and wanted a final fling with you. He must see her as reasonably serious, or he would consider keeping you too.

All I can say is that he was only a fwb so doesn't owe you anything. He executed it brutally though, yes.

Ending a relationship like that is one thing, but if it was genuinely only FWB and you had no more feelings for him then this might not be the deal you say it was, at least from your side.

A FWB situation doesn't justify acting like a dick.

Absolutely - and that's no way to behave