Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

I really can't see how I've proved your point. TBH, I don't know what point you're trying to prove bar showing others your lack of understanding.

Who cares if men see it as easy sex? OP, and I, and others who understand FWB see it as easy sex too. It's great.

But being FWB does not give you permission to be rude to another human being. It's disrespectful. @Sleepingbaggage xFWB was rude in the way he ended things. All my ONS have finished much more politely than this.

But being FWB does not give you permission to be rude to another human being. It's disrespectful. xFWB was rude in the way he ended things. All my ONS have finished much more politely than this.

How can a One Night Stand finish with you?
A ONS is literally that! One night.

A FWB implies an ongoing sexual relationship with nothing outside the times they meet to have sex, and no expectations of being 'friends' (otherwise it may as well be a relationship!)

Agree about the friendship aspect.

Isn’t this saying that a FWB =/= Fuckbuddy?

Probably.

I think the 'friend' label is to make it socially more acceptable.

Like Carol Vorderman talks about her 5 'special friends'.

Though evidently there are now only 3 !

Are you still friends with everyone from all phases of your life? I know I'm not.

Most friendships are for seasons. Some seasons are longer than others.

Some friends are the deep and meaningfuls. Some friends are shits and giggles friends. Some friends are coffee and light touch.
Some friends are people you look after.

I only have one friend of 30yrs+. All the others have drifted away or are more recent in my life.

Friendship is much much wider than your narrow definition.

I didn't say they finished with me.

I said they finished.

Aka, they didn't wipe their deflating dick and run.

Carol Vorderman is the perfect example of someone who can handle it, though. Has adult children, divorced, has her own stable career, a property portfolio, etc.

Not that this applies to the OP, but in general, younger women (in my opinion) don’t have the life experience to cope with this arrangement.

You've introduced something new, which is how long do friendships last.

That's not the point I was making. It was about quality, not length of time.

Have you missed what I said about different friends being in your life for different reasons?

That’s pretty bloody low! Creep!!

OK. I agree that it's not on any man to decide that for her. I get that but, as a general rule, don't most people want their friends to be in loving, happy relationships?
Life happens, we don't know always know what we want. We could be adamant we don't want a relationship, then meet somebody we do want a relationship with.
We can all change our minds about things.
It's not hard to imagine that an fwb is a roadblock to that given the optics of the situation.
Same goes for men, I've been put off engaging with a guy I really liked because I'd seen him having a drink with a woman (who I learned much later was a fwb) and mistakenly thought that they were a couple. I later found out he'd have dated me too. Too late by then.

You have the right to feel really used

as a general rule, don't most people want their friends to be in loving, happy relationships?

I don't @QuintadosMalvados

Not at all.

I want my friends to be happy. Full stop.

If a loving relationship brings them that, excellent.

If being single brings them that, brilliant.

If having a FWB brings them that, wonderful.

I want for them whatever brings them happiness. I would never presume that I know better than my friend what they need and want to be happy.

All these posters defending these men are their friends, for some this may be true, they confide in one another, go on outings, hang out etc all without sex, they were friends before who did this and will be friends after/

but I think it’s very clear for many there is no friendship, it is simply sex. Pretending they are your friend in this instance is a little disturbing. They are acquantances. The title doesn’t make them your friend,

and the poster said her and the op see it as easy sex. Then we have come full circle. The op didn’t see this man as easy sex. She clearly developed feelings for him and is deeply hurt by what happened, irrespective of how coarse she is being or how crude, it’s undeniable she’s hurt and not just due to the timing.

Yes @Wildgoat

All this is true and right in your interpretation.

I understand why you would think these things if you've never had or wanted a FWB, or had a friend who's had a good experience of this.

Natalie Lue spells it out here ;-

https://baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ting-friends-who-fckfumble/

um, you don’t know me, don’t know my circumstances or my friends, and if it’s not true then correct it.

No.

I am defining what a friend is.

Absolutely right.
You seem level-headed, do you think there's an age and/or class thing going on here?
For example, older successful woman, divorced, grown up children, having nice long walks, good conversation, lunch and sex before politely waving each other off vs younger woman in less salubrious circumstances being duped by scumbag man that he's a friend as well as a lover.

I can't help but think that fwb is one example that works for the better off and/or older people that doesn't work so well for the less better off/younger people.

I've never met anyone who has described their sex life or sexual partner as a FWB.

FWB just screams secret sex to me.

Its not so much secret as no emotional commitment. They aren't a sexual or life partner. Just someone they have sex with.

I knew of two men who were best friends and who were part of a wider group of drinking buddies- neither knew that they were both having sex with the same woman who was also part of the pub gang.

Yes I realise that a fraction of fwb arrangements are between grown up, mature people who get on well and it's all very civilised and that's great but most of them are sordid as heck.
There's nothing genteel about them.

If they'll help me bury a body at 3am they're a friend, if they don't ask why, they're a good friend. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. 😁

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