Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

If the OP thinks she's been raped.Then she can call police.

I believe the old terms for FB was "lovers", people had lovers, both men and women, this has existed since the cavemen. Some lovers ended up getting hurt, others got married and some cultures had women stoned for having sex before wedlock or sent to the Irish laundries for being "bad girls". Thankfully nowadays women don't get sent to laundries for having casual sex but they still get stoned online in women's forums and it's quite a sad thing to watch but hey ho here we are.

People got sent to laundries when they were pregnant. And in a lot of cases had to give their child up. Not that long ago either. In the 1950 and later. With respect that has nothing to do with the OPs situation. Women having their children taken off them has very little to do with someone in 2026 having a fuck buddy that dumped them

OK, not telling her off. Being critical? Judgey? Fear mongering?

I think OP has been quite reasonable throughout, what with all the absolute guff about prostitution and telling her basically that she can't feel a particular way about things or that she must really feel something else than she says she does in this thread.

I didn't call her a prostitute. Are you daft?

I never said you did, I was talking about the thread as a whole 🙄

No no go back to actress memes dont fight for real. Ive just discovered clare Danes mind blown. She did this film with titanic guy. My nan loved that film.

Well don't single me out - which is what you did with your previous post. There's no need.

Oh please this is not only utter bullshit but actually makes me angry.
So what he ended things after the act. He's allowed to do that!

Women are told all the time that it is totally acceptable to end a relationship at any time so if a woman had sex with a guy then thought 'hey this is not for me any more' that's OK and I 100% agree.

(Plus, of course, you've no clue as to why he ended it but don't let that get in the way of your theory.)

There are women who've actually been raped desperate for justice and people like you bleating on about 'informed consent' in a situation like the one described here make my blood boil.

Thank fuck to heaven's above that the police would say get outta here if this was reported and if 'informed consent' is not a legal term then what on earth is it if not that?

When I was a young woman, I broke up with my then boyfriend half an hour after we'd been intimate. I'd been mulling it over for a while but I just had enough.
Presumably you'd like me to have been interrogated by the cops for it?

I was responding to your two replies to me -

I honestly cease to care. She's been nippy with most people who have responded - people that don't agree with her.
My 2nd paragraph was in response to this. Talking about my perception of OPs conduct in the whole thread.

PS I wasn't trying to tell her off. Don't put words into my mouth if that's OK
My 1st paragraph was in response to this.

I'm not singling you out, I'm replying to you. 🙄

Spoiled what? You were just using each other for sex, you said. So there was nothing to spoil.

The memories of the last shag. Could've been a secret smile forever, now will instead always remind me of the fact that he said 'See ya' before he even got his pants back on.

I believe there are times where a lack of informed consent can be used fairly - such as in a marriage where one is cheating, that's a treacherous act and they have a right to be horrified at not giving informed consent to sex with their spouse who made vows to not cheat, a person who looks at them every single day and presumably says they love them.

But having a fuck buddy is in fact (despite a few attempts to claim otherwise) assumed by pretty much everyone to be totally casual.

By agreeing to be a fuck buddy you agree to being just that - a casual fuck. Not a girlfriend, not even an other woman, just a fuck buddy. No care, respect or concern required. A reasonable person, despite the attempts to argue otherwise, would indeed assume just that.

If you choose that agreement then you really don't have a leg to stand on when he lives up to the terms of that agreement and treats you like you have no value to him beyond sexual release. He's not a nice man, but then I would have nothing to do with a man who wanted a fuck buddy or wanted to be a fuck buddy, and I wouldn't expect him to be a nice person.

I hope OP realises that this did in fact hurt her, that we are not walking talking fleshlights and that having sex with someone does cause feelings to arise in most people - and this is natural. I hope she chooses better for herself next time.

Why was it spoiled though? It doesn't matter does it, as you were just, as you said, using one another for sex?

OP, it is clear you had feelings for him, and it is clear you felt you were in a relationship of some kind. That's normal. I am sorry he did that to you. He knew it was contemptuous because he too knew you were in a relationship of sorts.

Please just stop saying that you didn't have expectations of him. You did, and they were normal and natural, you thought he would be kind, respectful, a little concerned for your given you had shared intimacy over and over and over.

He was a pig - but within the bounds of the agreement you agreed to he did nothing wrong.

And you are having normal feelings of rejection and sadness at his treatment. Please think twice before agreeing to be a fuck buddy again.

Thanks for your pop psych bollocks but I really don't have non-sexual feelings for him.

However, sex for me isn't just about the physical act and the release. It's about making sexual memories. And it's a shame he has slightly spoiled them for me. That will linger even when the shock of yesterday's act subsides. All the memories of fun and naughtiness that I like thinking about on occasion will now have that little nastiness on the end.

Baffling to me that some people think you have to have romantic feelings for a person to be hurt/offended by their behaviour. Last night a newish friend was really quite rude to me out of nowhere, and unprovoked after I've been very kind to her, and I felt upset by it. I'm not going to do anything other than step back from the friendship, but I came home and had a chat with my husband and it took a while to come down from it. People can be upset by interactions with strangers. Someone you have just had sex with dumping you before his cum is dry is objectively rude, crass, shitty, disrespectful behaviour and OP doesn't have to be in love with him to be offended by that!

Nope, no bollocks, no pop psych - just reasonable and standard observations made on what you have said that are clear to everyone.

You are enraged with me because I see what so many others have also seen and because you are angry with yourself for putting yourself in a position where you were treated as though you did not matter at all.

What he did wasn't nasty, at all, if what you are repeatedly claiming is true.

But, of course, you're lying to yourself.

Good bye and good luck.

They absolutely did not get stoned for the same reason they are today.

The women in those times simply became women who were trodding a path that would end up going nowhere,actually much the same as today

that's exactly what I'd do!

You didn't say that in any of your previous posts. You said it was sex and sex only. I personally think you have feelings for this guy - and you don't want to admit it

Otherwise why would you be exclusive with a FWB and stop using condoms with him

Making sexual memories - seriously pull the other one. It's got bells on it

Hopefully the nastiness will fade with time.

My horrid ending with my xFWB has thankfully faded in the memories. I do recall our sessions and adventurousness with fondness now. I didn't at the time things ended.

I'm impressed you've given as much time to all the people on this thread who are trying to tell you what you're feeling/thinking of inform you of what your engagement with that man was. FWB is such a broad term. It's interpreted best in the way it works for you and your friend.

Calling someone your FWB does not excuse rudeness towards them.

Fingers crossed you find a replacement soon.

Lack of basic manners regardless of whether the FB was a man, woman or lamp post.

He could have sent a text later on or the next saying something along the lines of:
"Hi Amy I've really enjoyed our arrangement but I feel it's run its course so I won't be coming over again. Thanks for the good memories & look after yourself, Ben🙂"

Or maybe he could have sent a text before he shagged her saying its over

That would have been the most mature & kindest thing to do.

But he didn't do that unfortunately or the second next thing by texting the day after.

OP. I really hope the next time you start seeing someone. You don't stop using condoms. I was seeing someone around 15 years ago. Very casual. I had known him a very long time. But I got fed up with it. I stopped it. Then I saw him a few times after that -

And then I just thought. I can't be arsed with this anymore

6 weeks after I called it off for the second time my mum told me he got married to someone because her co worker and her husband went to the wedding (I had known him from school and re connected a long time after and it was him that did all the wanting to get to know me). It was just coincidence that my mum worked beside his friends wife.

So I can assure you. It doesn't matter how nice and how respectful someone is. They could still be sleeping with someone else - and you would never know in a million years

I got fed all the lines. Wish we had got together years ago - and there was zero trace of any other female in his flat

I knew something was off. I sensed it. I asked him to meet me for a pint and he called it off at the last minute. And that's when I knew he was seeing someone else

In the meantime I had to hear all these lines about I wish we had got together years ago. Sure.

(he's back with his first wife.) Until you really know someone don't stop using condoms.

I had no idea. Zero. None. That this guy was sleeping with someone. If I had known I wouldn't have gone near him. But he was.

And - he had the effing nerve to get back in touch with me after his second marriage broke down. I didn't even give him two seconds of my time. I just told him to go away.

Not all men are like that - but some are.