Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

As will most men you agree to have such a futile non relationship with. Sadly even the most gentlemen of men are happy just to get their end off if permitted. If their are women of the same mindset then I've yet to meet the ones who don't end up the same as you OP. There are exceptions of course but I would bet they're in the minority.

100% agree.

@Sleepingbaggage well done you. You have stuck with this thread and dealt with all that has been thrown at you. Some wild accusations and analysis. You have been very clear what your expectations were with this man. Good and enjoyable sex, no strings, no commitments. What that didn't exclude was basic respect and decency. His goodbye was callous and nasty. You will work through this and hopefully find someone else.

You are a strong woman who.knows what they want and goes after it. How empowering. Such an old term but women's lib all the way 👏.
Good luck in the future.
BTW some posters are over invested in this thread.

@wildgoat That's really nasty and uncalled for. What are you getting out of being like this?

Not always. “Problem girls” in care were sent too (without ever being pregnant).

What? I just don’t see that at all> what on earth is nasty about it?

I’ve reported my own post, I am genuinely bemused anyone would think that was nasty, clearly I never said these things occurred simply it could have been a number of shallow things in his head, but I certainly don’t wish to be nasty,

OP, some people are only capable of black and white thinking. Either you're in a relationship and deserve respect and the man is wrong, or you're not and you're essentially a "walking fleshlight" as someone put it and it's your fault he acted like that.

Remember one of the rules of misogyny is that men's shitty behaviour is women's fault.

I think your expectations were fine for a FWB situation and he acted appallingly. Men need to understand that women are never walking fleshlights in any sexual situation, be it ONS, FWB etc. and the fact so many people are saying "Well what did you expect" is depressing - society's expectations of men's behaviour is in the gutter, so no wonder there are so many men that think it's ok to treat women like this.

The Science Behind the "Bondless" Glow

• Chemical Cocktail: During orgasm, your brain is flooded with dopamine (the reward chemical) and oxytocin (the bonding/cuddle hormone). These chemicals promote feelings of satisfaction and happiness, even if you are not romantically in love with the person.
• Biological Response: The body releases these chemicals to create a "positive regard" for the partner, which can simply make you feel happy and relaxed after a casual hookup.
• Physiological Benefits: The afterglow includes lower stress, better sleep, and higher self-esteem, which are personal benefits that do not require an emotional bond with the other person.

Why You Might Feel This Way

• Casual Sex is Still Sex: Many people report that casual sex with a stranger or acquaintance brings a "high" or a sense of accomplishment without any lingering desire for romantic attachment.
• "Chemicals" vs. Feelings: You might feel a lingering positive emotional connection simply because of the oxytocin, even if your rational mind is not attached.
• Shared Pleasure: The "afterglow" can simply be a result of mutual enjoyment, where both partners are satisfied with the physical experience.

Important Nuances

• Post-Sex Confusion: Because oxytocin is also known as the "love hormone," it can sometimes cause feelings of closeness even if you intended for the encounter to be strictly casual.
• Individual Differences: While some people can experience intense afterglow without attachment, others feel that a deep emotional bond is necessary to experience that state.

Ultimately, the afterglow is a natural, physiological response to pleasure, which can be enjoyed in a one-night stand or with a long-term partner.

To be honest having read some of the posts here that I consider to be really wild -particularly the dark mutterings about 'informed consent' - I'd strongly advise any man against having fwb/fb's.

I'd tell him to be a fair a decent person, use condoms, and not harm anyone but to try to make himself as attractive as possible to get one night stands (making sure that the woman is sober) whenever he wanted them and then say, like a gentleman, thank you for the nice time and leave so she could retain the 'sweet memory' without feeling hard done by.

I'd tell him that while there are women who are genuinely all cool about fwb they're in the minority and to understand that men and women are different and that because of hormones repeated exposure to the same man sexually can bond them to him, while he may be emotionally unaffected by it.

That he would also avoid a lot of grief that may stem from the fact she was attached to him and he wasn't her.

That it's probably wise not to do any couplely stuff at all with a woman he was having sex with but not really attracted to on every level.

Yep that would be my advice.

Its a FWB relationship, you and your partner owe each other nothing.

I don't see his timing to end it as an issue, you both got what you wanted (the point of FWB) or did you develop feelings for him.

Not all women have orgasms easily or at all, especially with a new partner.

However, sex for me isn't just about the physical act and the release. It's about making sexual memories. And it's a shame he has slightly spoiled them for me. That will linger even when the shock of yesterday's act subsides. All the memories of fun and naughtiness that I like thinking about on occasion will now have that little nastiness on the end.

That's interesting @Sleepingbaggage

Relationships of all kinds don't always end as we'd like them to. They can be messy and disappointing, because people are unpredictable.
All anyone can do is manage their emotions to events, not control them. Easier said than done, I know.

One thing that strikes me is had he let you down more gently, would the happy memories still be there ? Or would you have felt they were tainted because HE ended things?

Surely you have other happy memories of sex with other men?
And, in time, you will have more when another man comes into your life.

Surely there must be a corner for "cool girls" to get away from all the MRA and the "trad wives" on MN?

Can you identify MRA and trad wives.

I assume they are stereotypes and meant as an insult to anyone who doesn't have the same opinions as other posters.

It was a poster a few posts up referring to certain posters on this thread as MRAs and trad wives.

But what are they?

What is MRA?

Google tells me it’s Mauritius Revenue Authority.

Men's rights activists I'm sure the "not all men movement".

Red pill, manosphere, chinfree grifting Andrew Tate types of various flavours.

You could watch Louis Theroux's new documentary about the manosphere, that's being talked about a lot currently.

A pp made a similar.
“No care, respect or concern required. A reasonable person, despite the attempts to argue otherwise, would indeed assume just that.”

I totally disagree, and the thought that you might propagate this disgusting view in young men is very disheartening.

Even outside a relationship you do owe your sexual partners a modicum of care, respect and concern.
You might feel virtuous that OP somehow had it coming, and the mind boggles at low he could go and still get your support, but I for one find your views reprehensible.