Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

I totally get you OP, and I don't know why others are struggling with it!

People are allowed an arrangement that suits both parties, but they still need ot respect the other person as it's just common decency.

Say I planned to meet a friend then they let me down last minute to meet another friend, the reason I would be upset won't be because I was harbouring secret feelings for them! It's because it would be rude.

And now he has tarnished your memories of this fun period because he was selfish that day and didn't want to be truthful for fear HE wouldn't get his goodbye shag.

Anyone who thinks they'd be totally fine for someone to tell them it's not working for them any more while they are still naked is not being honest with themselves. I actually cannot believe the cheek of the man! It was a casual arrangement, he could have left it a couple of days and just text.

I just think its totally unrealistic to expect normal relationship behaviours from either partner, they are meeting up to have sex, the whole idea of FWB is no strings attached shagging.

Ermmm i never said anyone had it "coming" its just the nature of the beast.

I have different views from you, that doesn't mean its ok for you to call my opinion "Reprehensible" or "Virtuous" where have i name called anyone? oh i haven't.

Not showing much respect there are you.

The OP said herself she maybe had it coming. She used that phrase

Most people are not ok being left when naked, but that’s why they avoid casual relationships for themselves.

The example you use isn’t comparable here. We don’t see friendships as using each other, nor do we expect them to have an end date. There are emotional connections formed.

Lots of people see FWB/FB as ‘using each others bodies’ and it’s a temporary arrangement whilst they don’t want a full relationship, or try to find one. I’m sure sure that wording has been used on this thread. It’s NSA, pure sex, no emotion.

If it was truly only about sex and using each other, there would be no need for texts days later, nobody would care. It would be ‘liberating’ as op already alluded to.

There is a level of rejection there, that most humans feel, when a relationship abruptly ends. That’s exactly why we empathise with the situation. Might still feel rejected and hurt after a few days anyway.

I disagree with anyone who thinks op fancies the guy though. If she did, she’d be a lot more upset (not a just a bit p’ed off).

May I remind you that we're taking about a man here who is totally OK with shagging a youngish woman over and over with no commitment whatsoever who, unless he is a complete flipping moron with no clue about women, must realise that a woman must like him in order to do this because unlike men we're more selective?

A man who in spite of this knowledge continues to fuel this liking of him by having regular sex with her instead of thinking, 'you know what, this young woman really likes me, I'd be a shit to continue this when I don't feel the same way about her. I must stop.'

Yet you expect a man like this to behave like a gentleman when he's had enough?

Indeed it can be argued that he did in fact have an outbreak of guilt and that's why he stopped it so abruptly before he changed his mind again.
Kind of burning his bridges so there's no going back. So maybe he's redeemed himself a little at the end.
So flip it on its head. It's ONLY now, in breaking it off so abruptly, that he's doing the decent thing cause he sure wasn't before.

😆😆Love it !

But what does it mean in the context of relationships ? 🤔

May I remind you that we're taking about a man here who is totally OK with shagging a youngish woman over and over with no commitment whatsoever who, unless he is a complete flipping moron with no clue about women, must realise that a woman must like him in order to do this because unlike men we're more selective

im sorry but just no. This is a woman happy to shag a man over and over with no commitment and keep telling him it’s just sex.

there are two people here, two consensual partners and she is not some feeble woman with no responsibility. Don’t make her out to be one.

OP, unlike some l have read your updates. There is nothing wrong with having sex with a good friend. Sadly he wasn’t a good friend and had no respect for you.

It’s his loss. Just make sure he doesn’t bounce back to you on the rebound.

Maybe next time you will find someone lovely to share your body with.

Yes OK. Doesn't negate what I said, though.
What I said and what you say here can both be true.
I never said she was feeble.

Here speaks another regular from the sex board.

Should this happen again @Sleepingbaggage , come see us over there!

Why would the sex board have better advice for her on this particular issue?

I've been thinking about the fwb issue generally and to be frank I don't think that most men wish to be friends with women full stop. So that narrows it down a lot.
(In any case, genuine friends are rare but I am being really, really pedantic here.)

I do appreciate that it can suit very mature, sophisticated people who have been through divorce, have grown-up kids who may wish a companion with sex on the side, or to be frank the French 😁, however, let's face it most people are pretty basic and average.

Why would you advise a seemingly youngish woman - who no disrespect to her is by definition not that worldly because she's asking here- that fwb's are right for her?
They're clearly not.

I'd also have been surprised that he chose that particular moment to say it had run its course.
A text in a day or two would have been preferable I think. Time to move on, don't give it anymore head space.

Why would the sex board have better advice for her on this particular issue?

Because the rudeness and lack of respect would have been the focus of the thread @QuintadosMalvados . That was what @Sleepingbaggage was looking for.

I believe OP was not looking for 30+ pages of discussion around what FWB means to others, including equating them to prostitution. The relationships board made me realise there's a lot of women who look down on others if they enjoy no strings sex.

The relationships board made me realise there's a lot of women who look down on others if they enjoy no strings sex

And you're looking down on women who think differently?

There is no such thing as no strings sex.
Both people have some investment.
Hence the OP starting the thread.

No strings means you don't expect or want marriage or a permanent relationship from it. But not having feelings of some kind is a falsehood.

You can stop now. You've been well and truly called out.

l’m responding as someone who has been called a slut, shitty, and told they had names for girls like me when they were at school on MN.

Some, in fact many people hit a stage in life where they want that special friendship(s) and all that they bring, including passion and respect. Something to make you purr but without the fairy tale castle and the joint bank account. Sadly in the OP’s case the friendship was not so special. But to elude the situation to prostitution is misogynistic and disgusting in the extreme.

What's there to focus on with the rudeness and disrespect (not that I think it was necessarily either. Anybody has the right to end a relationship, or in this case, fwb, at any time-do you not believe this?) other than to say he was rude and disrespectful?

I just don't get it. I really don't.
Women romanticising fwb's make no sense to me and they utterly fail to see how men view them.
It's like, 'I see it this way, he must, too!'

Most men don't give a damn about their fwb's.
I mean clearly they don't, because if they did, they'd want her to have a proper loving relationship and realise them being around was a roadblock to that.

Or not want to muddy the waters and possibly ruin a good friendship.

I think that generally women who have fwbs are a strange mix of sexual openness and naivety. I really do.

Yes it may suit older, wiser people. I get that, but for most women, it's a fucking disaster.
They just don't have the maturity and boundaries to deal with it.
And why should they? It's a con and it suits men just fine.
Maximum sex, minimum commitment is most men's dream.
Yet those women against fwb's are the misogynists (?!)

I think we all know far more than we want to about what you think. And yes. You don't get it. That's clear.

Most men don't give a damn about their fwb's.
I mean clearly they don't, because if they did, they'd want her to have a proper loving relationship and realise them being around was a roadblock to that.

This paragraph tells me everything I need to know about your lack of understanding @QuintadosMalvados

Not every woman wants a "proper loving relationship" (whatever that may be). And they certainly don't want a man to want it for her.

I can't believe females are still thinking this way in 2026.

I do appreciate that it can suit very mature, sophisticated people who have been through divorce, have grown-up kids

most people are pretty basic and average

seemingly youngish woman - who no disrespect to her is by definition not that worldly

How patronising.

I absolutely agree, some of the judgement on this thread has been depressing to read.

I actually agree with everything you wrote, apart from this they'd want her to have a proper loving relationship and realise them being around was a roadblock to that

I really dislike these posts making women out to be feeble, vulnerable, unable to take responsibility for themselves. It’s not on any man to decide what a woman wants she needs to decide thay and take responsibility for it. If she tells the man this is what she wants, it’s not on him to decide she’s mistaken,

but I do think these fwb situations for many women is about much more than sex, it’s about feeling wanted, desired, a connection, intimacy, when for the man it’s just a shag with no emotion involved. It’s a complete disconnect.

and I do think most men recognise that and play the game. Leading women to feel like they feel the same, when they don’t. Most of them are thinking talk to them a bit, give them some compliments, get out of there as quickly as possible when it’s done.

You've just proved my point. You are still looking at it from your perspective as a woman.

Most men just see fwb's as easy sex. Stop pretending there's any friendship involved from their perspective, because the vast majority of the time there is not.

What has 2026 got to do with it?
Biology doesn't necessarily change.

I have known men who could be considered in a FWB set up but they refer to it as 'scratching an itch - that's all.'

A 'friend' is someone who you have a relationship with, who is there for you in good times and bad, if they are good friend.

This FWB label is a gentler way of saying it's someone you have sex with but have no real emotional involvement with, where you each 'scratch an itch' .