Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

I did read somewhere that a man will shag a woman that he actively dislikes. Ew.

Edit: I don’t mean OP, I just mean men in general will do this. Ew.

They really aren't

What were you prioritising? You said in one post you chose not to use condoms because you ran out. Surely one of you could have bought them for the next time if you wanted to use them. I find it odd that you seem really upset about being dumped but less worried that he might have given you an STI

In the past it was referred to 'knocking off' as in 'he's knocking her off'.
A harsher term, perhaps, but at least there's no illusion of friendship implied with it.
In those days nobody believed that this was anything other than a sexual arrangement.
I knew of two men who were best friends who were both fb/knocking off the same woman.
Neither of them knew that the other was doing the same.
Neither were proud of the situation. Neither was like, 'hey this is Sue, I'm knocking her off'.

(Not there's anything necessarily wrong with knocking each other off - it's not a crime-if both are happy with it but usually the woman develops feeling while the man does not.)

It's a controversial opinion but I don't think men want to be actual friends with women full stop (they can be friendly with and fond of certain females but this is not friendship) let alone friends with fuckbuddies.
It's sad that some women on this thread can't see the b. s. but having it implied that I'm a man, frigid, upholding the patriarchy, not sex positive (whatever the heck that means) I say let 'em go their own sweet way.

I really think it’s a shame that some posters haven’t been supportive of the op and making all sorts of other suggestions which would make a person feel even more shitty. Why is she being given such a hard time. She isn’t shagging a married man or having an affair. She’s made some choices and it’s ended less than ideally. I think the most horrible thing would be that he said that in her bed. His timing was bloody awful!

I'm in my 50s and FWB was a term twenty years ago.

She's been shagging someone she barely knows. Stopped using condoms - and she could have an STI.

My wee brother has a very close female friend. Nothing to do with sex. They are friends. I think it's a bit sad when people think men and women can't be platonic friends. Of course they can

Yep, I one hundred percent think that he was a p.Also, i've actually had this happen to 1 of my friends before.Do you know what triggered it?Basically she had said some.I don't know kind of banter to him a week before or something.And he was offended afterwards, like years later, when she asked him why he had been so abrupt when he broke things off, he told her, can you imagine.

Oh, I dunno. How far back in time are you looking? I was doing it since 1975, with breaks for ill-advised marriages. Second one was a FWB who should definitely not have gone beyond that, but it's an oft-told story.

Samuel Pepys (17th century) had FWBs all over the place - while married - but was insufferably cross when his wife got one!

Agree with this tbh. The postfeminist 'lean in and be a cool girl' philosophy doesn't do women any favours, just encourages them to participate in their own objectification. Sort of like corporations tried to promote 'grind culture'. The women I have known in these arrangements (and I know I'll probably be quoted 100x by people who want to contradict me with their own experience, but this is mine) have all ended up miserable and none of them would have honestly chosen NSA/FWB if it had been up to them. That's just my observed reality. But it suits male-dominated society very well to encourage women to think it's all their idea.

Honestly, @hazelnutvanillalatte, SOME people of both sexes feel emotional & social commitment is a necessary corollary of sex. Either they can't enjoy sex without the attachments, or sex automatically forges the attachments for them. (Ideally both at the same time, obvs.)

It may be true that more women are like this. It's impossible to know, because patriarchal history colours perceptions. But NOT ALL women feel this way. I'm one of the hundreds of responders you anticipated - but doesn't the fact that so many of us exist tell you anything?

I don't agree. Some women like casual sex and others don't buy the biggest issue for me is that OP stopped using condoms and thinks it's no big deal when she knows zero about who else this man has been sleeping with

It's her health and risk to take and she responded about it, I think, so what's the point of continuing to tell her off about it?

Agrew with this.

I still consider it a fairly new term, even if it's 20 years old.

It's not new

I honestly cease to care. She's been nippy with most people who have responded - people that don't agree with her.

PS I wasn't trying to tell her off. Don't put words into my mouth if that's OK

The thing is, she didn't give informed consent. Had he said I've met someone, but I'd like to come over for one last shag she'd have been informed and could have said yes or no. PP have said they were informed in the same kind of situation and said no.

He knew she'd likely not consent had she understood so he withheld that information to take advantage of her.

To be 'informed' consent involves telling the other party anything that might impact you saying yes, such as marital status, health status (personally, I'd like to be given the heads up if they have herpes), whether they've shagged your best friend last week etc etc

I'm not concerned about legality. I mean, it used to be legal to rape your wife. I don't think the law is the authority of what informed consent is.

She's also said that if he had told her that he didn't want to fuck her before they did it she would have done it because it would have felt liberating.

Same here.

And again, she'd have been informed.

Don't bother trying to school me on anything. I've made it clear over and over that he's in the wrong - but the OP doesn't think so. He didn't rape her and if you think he did you really don't know what you are talking about

that's very much what i said.