Husband suggested opening marriage and mentioned my sister, am I overreacting?

[Falalalalalala86]

Posting in relationships for more traffic as haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. It feels quite petty compared to some things on here but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

DH and I have been together 12 years, married 7. Two kids (9 and 6). Generally we get on well.

Last night after the kids went to bed he asked if we could talk. I assumed it was something normal (finances, holiday plans etc).

Instead he asked if I’d ever thought about “opening up the marriage”.

I genuinely thought he was joking at first but he was completely serious. He said lots of couples do it now and it can actually make relationships stronger.

I was really taken aback and said absolutely not. He then backtracked a bit and said he was “just curious” and we don’t have to do anything.

But it’s really unsettled me.

I asked where this had come from and he said it was just something he’d been reading about online.

Here’s the bit that’s bothering me though.

When I pushed a bit more he eventually admitted there’s a specific person he was thinking about.

And it’s someone I know.

It’s actually my younger sister.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

I feel completely weird about the whole thing now and honestly a bit sick.

He’s saying it was just a hypothetical conversation and I’m massively overreacting.

But I can’t get past the fact that he clearly has been thinking about my sister in that way.

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate or am I turning something stupid into a huge issue?

So in a nutshell he wants to shag your sister. This would be game over for me I'm afraid.

Jesus christ!! And a third one today for the pillow over the face while hes sleeping.

What a fuckin weirdo, talk about keeping it in the family 🤢😬

So not that he spoke to her and got the idea but that he wants to sleep with her????

What does she think??

I couldn’t get past this.

I mean, does he not even KNOW you? Surely this is such a basic level of knowing someone? And given that he seemingly doesn't know, how can he be so thick as to take chance floating this idea?! You'd have to be so stupid not to realise that asking this question (unless you're really really sure your wife is happy with it) is bound to end in disaster. No one with even half a brain cell would think it could be played down as a joke.

Bin him.

This would be marriage ending for me. I wouldn’t be able to unhear that conversation. It’s the sister element which pushing it into divorce territory.

WHAT A CREEP

He’s simultaneously made you not trust him and given you the infamous ick in one fell swoop! What a prat.

Anything other than divorce is an under reaction. Your fucking sister! HOW could you ever look him in the eye ever again. And trust him?
He truly suggested you give your actual life the Jerry Springer treatment and fuck your SISTER.
He's shown you who he is. The worst kind of slime ball, thinking of his dick above his family.
Even if he drops the issue the trust is gone. Who knows what is going on in his head, what he is capable of?

Why doesn't your sister like him much?

Aside from that, no, you aren't overreacting. Quite the opposite.

If it’s a huge ‘no’ then uts a huge ‘no’ for you. Anyone else’s opinion is immaterial

What the actual fuck.

I would be divorcing anyone who even hinted that never mind your sister!! Would he expect you to be sexual with your sister aswell? 😫

I dumped an ex for mentioning a threesome. Before I did, I played along and said I wouldn’t be interested in another woman but I would with a specific handsome friend of his, maybe he would be able to make me cum unlike he did. He went ballistic and soon changed his tune but it was too late. He was dumped the same evening. 😂

The fact he’s mentioned your sister makes it 10 times worse. Would he want you to screw his brother?

Ditch the dirty pervert and go for all you can in the divorce. He has no respect for you so don’t have any for him.

Some men can’t cope with even the tiniest hint of a flirtation without thinking it’s leading to sex. Your sister made a joke and now he thinks it means it’s open for him to go after her. Major creep.

If this is real and I hope it’s not, I’d end my marriage over this, no backward glances, no hesitation, what a fucking weirdo creep

JFC

its worth considering that she doesn’t like him or spend time with him in front of you to hide what’s really going on. And even if I am wrong on that point I would just divorce the fucker.

eh no, it’s not the main point the main point is he wants tk shag your sister,

So insane that he thought this would be OK to say out loud and that if you didn’t agree then you’d just forget about it and things would carry on as normal. I’d be questioning whether I even know him. Does he have form for not knowing the difference between things that you can think and things that you can say??

This is file for divorce time , obviously!

How to kick someone when they are down. Not bad enough for you he wants to shag her sister, you want to rush in elbows out and tell her your sister is shagging him already with not one shred of evidence to even suggest such a thing,

nice.

That would be enough to end it for me. He wants to fool around. And with your sister.

What a creep.

You can park this for now, and he can minimise it. But he’s basically told you your marriage is fucked.

@Wildgoat Oh for goodness sake. It’s not kicking her when she’s down. That would imply there was something redeemable about this. There isn’t and it’s just worth considering

🐓🐓

Couldnt find ducks...

I read this article last month and someone kindly c&p'd it

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5489399-brilliant-article-on-open-marriages-in-the-i-anyone-got-a-sub

Its a few posts in but basically it says that men who suggest this are seriously overestimating their value on the open market.

His line about the suggestion being "hypothetical" is BS too. If @Falalalalalala86 had said she "would consider it", he would have been pushing hard for a "Yes".

@Falalalalalala86 Take the time you need to decide how you feel about your husband in light of his comments.

You deserve respect from your husband at the very least.

He wants your blessing to shag your sister? That is fucked up and it would be over. I would be telling my sister too so she could protect herself from the pervert.