Husband suggested opening marriage and mentioned my sister, am I overreacting?

[Falalalalalala86]

Posting in relationships for more traffic as haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. It feels quite petty compared to some things on here but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

DH and I have been together 12 years, married 7. Two kids (9 and 6). Generally we get on well.

Last night after the kids went to bed he asked if we could talk. I assumed it was something normal (finances, holiday plans etc).

Instead he asked if I’d ever thought about “opening up the marriage”.

I genuinely thought he was joking at first but he was completely serious. He said lots of couples do it now and it can actually make relationships stronger.

I was really taken aback and said absolutely not. He then backtracked a bit and said he was “just curious” and we don’t have to do anything.

But it’s really unsettled me.

I asked where this had come from and he said it was just something he’d been reading about online.

Here’s the bit that’s bothering me though.

When I pushed a bit more he eventually admitted there’s a specific person he was thinking about.

And it’s someone I know.

It’s actually my younger sister.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

I feel completely weird about the whole thing now and honestly a bit sick.

He’s saying it was just a hypothetical conversation and I’m massively overreacting.

But I can’t get past the fact that he clearly has been thinking about my sister in that way.

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate or am I turning something stupid into a huge issue?

I’m not sure there is an overreaction to this

Dream on old man she wouldn’t go near you with a 10ft barge pole one jokey conversation and you think “yeah she wants me” who the fuck do you think you are?

Oh he wouldn’t hear the end of this

Are you sure about that?

This is what I think. Can you imagine how disgusting it would be to have your BIL try to crack on to you and have him say “It’s fine! We have an open marriage!”?

Why would you care if your sister likes him or not? He's crossed such a major boundary here suggesting he'd like to shag your sister ffs kick him out.

I don’t think he was joking about any part of it OP. End of the road, I’d never trust him again

I’m a pretty forgiving person but this would be relationship ending for me, even if nothing happened. Just the fact that it crossed his mind is enough.

.

I would reply to such a suggestion with “get the fuck out and never, ever come back!”

Eww what a creep. He’d have gone flying out of bed, never to return if I were you.

But is he saying she’s what made him think about it? Not that he wants to sleep with her?

Sure.
Divorce.
Walk away with more than you walked in with.
Reclaim your freedom from this pathetic man.

It wasn’t a joke, if it was a ‘joke’ what’s the punchline/funny part
he has just said he wants to fuck your sister and was trying to gain your permission.
this is beyond gross.

Nope, he's crossed the line and no coming back. I'd also be questioning your sister. Yuck. Honestly, I think your husband is horrible, sorry to say, wanting to shag your sister, apart from being awful it would totally blow up your whole family.
For a shag.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

I'm sorry OP - but your sister absolutely HAS thought about your husband in "that" way. You don't joke with your brother in law about opening up marriage - you just don't - unless you are flirting.

As many people on this thread have said - what you Husband has apparently casually suggested is a huge deal - you are not over reacting. The fact he's now telling you"its no big deal" I'm afraid is gas lighting you.

Asking for an open marriage would be divorce but if my husband asked for an open marriage so he could bang my sister I think I would have sparked him out…

Oh hell no. I would be straight into his phone to see what they have been texting.

Not being unreasonable at all!! I wouldn't be able to look at him the same now wondering what has been going through his head. I also question his porn use! Some fantasy going on there 🤢

Difficult one. The challenge I would have is that on hearing this I do not think I could forget it. I could almost feel my vag clamming up and not wanting him anywhere near me. Even if he did the image in my mind would not be pleasant. I would do some serious talking and even consider marriage guidance. This will take some getting over, even if it can be got over.

He didn't wait to see if you were even open to other partners before mentioning your sister?

Funny that you run this through an AI detector and it comes up as 100% AI....

Oh, you have to forward him this article https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5489399-brilliant-article-on-open-marriages-in-the-i-anyone-got-a-sub?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

and then/at the same time, start divorce proceedings!

Shut the door behind you Joe.

Agree with the other commenter who says the text is 100% AI generated.

There's no indication OP's sister was joking about opening up her marriage or OP's marriage. Joking about "modern relationships" can mean anything. I imagine she could have been making fun of open marriages.

Knowing how men are, they can interpret anything as a come on. I remember talking to a male friend about sex being painful for me and he thought that was me expressing I wanted to have sex with him! All he heard was the word "sex", he stopped listening after that.

Come on - you KNOW he wasn't "joking". Nobody says "Can we talk?" and then floats the idea of opening the marriage and THEN suggests your sister.

He needs to be binned off sharpish. Because if he isn't already cheating, he wants to.