Husband suggested opening marriage and mentioned my sister, am I overreacting?

[Falalalalalala86]

Posting in relationships for more traffic as haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. It feels quite petty compared to some things on here but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

DH and I have been together 12 years, married 7. Two kids (9 and 6). Generally we get on well.

Last night after the kids went to bed he asked if we could talk. I assumed it was something normal (finances, holiday plans etc).

Instead he asked if I’d ever thought about “opening up the marriage”.

I genuinely thought he was joking at first but he was completely serious. He said lots of couples do it now and it can actually make relationships stronger.

I was really taken aback and said absolutely not. He then backtracked a bit and said he was “just curious” and we don’t have to do anything.

But it’s really unsettled me.

I asked where this had come from and he said it was just something he’d been reading about online.

Here’s the bit that’s bothering me though.

When I pushed a bit more he eventually admitted there’s a specific person he was thinking about.

And it’s someone I know.

It’s actually my younger sister.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

I feel completely weird about the whole thing now and honestly a bit sick.

He’s saying it was just a hypothetical conversation and I’m massively overreacting.

But I can’t get past the fact that he clearly has been thinking about my sister in that way.

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate or am I turning something stupid into a huge issue?

What a charmer! I'd have the ick forevermore. But hey - how nice of him to say "we don’t have to do anything." Makes it all alright then, doesn't it?

OP I'm really sorry you had to hear that from him. I cannot imagine the shock and hurt.
He's an absolute sleeze.
Its eary to say just leave but it depends on your circumstances. I'd start working towards it though......
ETA I find the idea of 'Mother's Day' rubbish but for him to say that on the day that is supposed to be celebrating the woman who gave birth to his kids. What a prick.

This is wrong on so many different levels.

I’d have gone batshit crazy! Absolutely not

This can't be real

You have to ask?
'Just thinking about it' ... 🤢 I bet he has been. Yuk

And your sister?

Why is she having this sort of chat with him?

And nope, it's shitting in your own family relationships. Imagine if it all blew up and he preferred her on a more permanent basis. There's bored and then there's stupid...

I’d be getting divorced 🤷🏻‍♀️ and also asking my sister what the hell she had actually said!

Wanting to have sex with my sister? Thinking sexually about my family members? Disgusting, gross - ewww?? My BIL is like a family pet, he’s just there at family gatherings and gets in photos - I have never ever ever even considered that he might have sex with people 🤮 my nephew was an immaculate conception!

You're under-reacting.

Absolutely repulsive. It would end my marriage. How could you ever be in the same room with him and your sister, knowing what he's thinking about her. I'd also have to talk to my sister about it.

😱

I can’t imagine anything with a greater “ick” factor to be honest.

It’s not petty. It’s grim AF.

Absolute deal marriage breaker for me as I couldn’t imagine being intimate with a partner after that conversation.

Oof.

The most generous interpretation of this I can find is that he has no filter whatsoever & doesn’t know the difference between inside thoughts and outside thoughts.

It’s one thing to think his SIL is attractive (and not outside the realm of normal - after all, he married someone from the same gene pool), but quite another to suggest shagging her might enhance your marriage - without considering for a second the impact on your relationship with your sister, not to mention every extended family gathering from now until the end of time.

But yeah, the conclusion I’m more inclined to draw is he’s shown himself to be yet another pornsick man who considers women to be little more than interchangeable orifices.

Oh, come on. 🙄

This would be marriage ending for me. OP, I'm so sorry :-(

Bin him off, he's a sorry excuse of a man.

He's porn-sick and imagining fucking your sister. Revolting.

The only thing I'd be opening was the fucking door to hoy him out! (As opening his throat with a blunt rusty knife would be frowned upon!🤣🤣🤣)

He was serious.

About wanting an open marriage so he can f@ck sister.

I'd be warning my sister, then filing for divorce. He's thinking seriously about a plannthat would not only destroybyour marriage, but put a bomb under your entire family.

Of course you aren't overreacting by being upset that your husband wants to make your SISTER his fuck buddy.

Good lord.

I'd divorce him.

the general 'opening the marriage up' would be enough, I'm like Joey, I don't share!

but your sister??? NO on every level that's ever existed.

P. S. you really need to give your sister the heads-up on this, so she can avoid being alone with him.in future.

Disgusting and thick as mince. Imagine being stupid enough to admit to your wife that the person in question was her sister. Total moron.

Bin him off, you can do better op.

Massive, massive red flag waving right in your face OP.

You are definitely not overreacting. What a horrible suggestion from your husband.