Husband suggested opening marriage and mentioned my sister, am I overreacting?

[Falalalalalala86]

Posting in relationships for more traffic as haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. It feels quite petty compared to some things on here but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

DH and I have been together 12 years, married 7. Two kids (9 and 6). Generally we get on well.

Last night after the kids went to bed he asked if we could talk. I assumed it was something normal (finances, holiday plans etc).

Instead he asked if I’d ever thought about “opening up the marriage”.

I genuinely thought he was joking at first but he was completely serious. He said lots of couples do it now and it can actually make relationships stronger.

I was really taken aback and said absolutely not. He then backtracked a bit and said he was “just curious” and we don’t have to do anything.

But it’s really unsettled me.

I asked where this had come from and he said it was just something he’d been reading about online.

Here’s the bit that’s bothering me though.

When I pushed a bit more he eventually admitted there’s a specific person he was thinking about.

And it’s someone I know.

It’s actually my younger sister.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

I feel completely weird about the whole thing now and honestly a bit sick.

He’s saying it was just a hypothetical conversation and I’m massively overreacting.

But I can’t get past the fact that he clearly has been thinking about my sister in that way.

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate or am I turning something stupid into a huge issue?

I don't think that's the main point.

That is nowhere NEAR the main point. Jesus Christ, OP. Leave this utter arsehole.

I'm actually struggling to believe this

You really think the 'main point' is that your sister wouldn't be interested/???

I can't believe any woman would actually say that.

the main point is your husband mentioned he fancies shagging your sister.

marriage over!

I can't get my head around this OP - you think that this is 'petty' compared to other things on here? You think the main point is that your sister wouldn't be interested as she doesn't even like him?

The main point is why do you like him? He wants to shag other people - including your sister. How the fuck do you get past that? Of course he'd say he was joking now.

But every time you go to bed aren't you going to be wondering - is he thinking about me.... or fantasising about my sister? Ick, ick, ick.

Agree, you can see why he felt safe asking, as her concern isn’t he wants to, it’s whether her sister does. It’s quite unbelievable actually.

Suggest you take a look at this thread OP. And maybe show it to him.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5489399-brilliant-article-on-open-marriages-in-the-i-anyone-got-a-sub?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

It isn’t the main point at all! This sort of reply makes me doubt the veracity of the thread .

🤢

What the hell?! Straight to the bin with him, that’s really unacceptable, gross, creepy… all the negative adjectives. Nope.

I hope you’re right, though I remember my sister’s ex boyfriend making a comment about the two of us once while we were swimming that was absolutely disgusting. I’m sure she broke up with him not too long after. What’s worse is I was 19 and he was late 20s, and hideous. So, some men are this deluded and disgusting.

This was exactly what came to my mind and using this request as a way to nornalize it.

Either way this is way out of line, inappropriate, sleezy, creepy and it would most likely end the marriage for me.

Yes and the fact that OP hasn’t been back.

The OP doesnt owe anyone any updates.

And his suggestion of her sister doesnt surprise me at all. I knew a man when I was in my twenties who was obsessed with the idea of a threesome with twins.....couldnt get his head around the idea that no women would want to do anything like that with her sister. Incestuous/sisters/twins porn is a thing, sadly.

That, & the fact that he will 110 % cheat because she turned down his suggestion of sleeping with other people .
He has told her he wants sex with others , she doesn’t, he’s going to cheat first chance he gets .
Can’t believe she doesn’t actually realise this .

But it wasn't funny OP. Jokes have a punchline.

Unless he regularly likes to use shocking material to wind you up, I'd say he was testing the water.

Me again, OP. Still haven't read the thread except your last post.

He's going to do it any way (if he hasn't already).