Husband suggested opening marriage and mentioned my sister, am I overreacting?

[Falalalalalala86]

Posting in relationships for more traffic as haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. It feels quite petty compared to some things on here but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

DH and I have been together 12 years, married 7. Two kids (9 and 6). Generally we get on well.

Last night after the kids went to bed he asked if we could talk. I assumed it was something normal (finances, holiday plans etc).

Instead he asked if I’d ever thought about “opening up the marriage”.

I genuinely thought he was joking at first but he was completely serious. He said lots of couples do it now and it can actually make relationships stronger.

I was really taken aback and said absolutely not. He then backtracked a bit and said he was “just curious” and we don’t have to do anything.

But it’s really unsettled me.

I asked where this had come from and he said it was just something he’d been reading about online.

Here’s the bit that’s bothering me though.

When I pushed a bit more he eventually admitted there’s a specific person he was thinking about.

And it’s someone I know.

It’s actually my younger sister.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

I feel completely weird about the whole thing now and honestly a bit sick.

He’s saying it was just a hypothetical conversation and I’m massively overreacting.

But I can’t get past the fact that he clearly has been thinking about my sister in that way.

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate or am I turning something stupid into a huge issue?

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate or am I turning something stupid into a huge issue?

No, you absolutely are not being unreasonable. Being uncomfortable with your spouse suggesting he fucks your little sister is not an unreasonable reaction. It’s really, really sad that you’ve been made to believe it might be. Sorry this is happening to you

On threads like this I always feel for some reason that I should flag I'm a man. Don't know why.

You are totally not being unreasonable!

Forget any narrative about modern relationships and being grown up. Your husband told you he wants to have sex with your sister and this is not just a fantasy, he actually expects it to happen. What the fuck?

Definitely say no. I'm honestly not sure how you move on from this as a couple. How on earth are you going to sit with him and your sister in the same room? How do you even spend time in his presence imagining what he is thinking of doing to your own sister?

Some men really let the side down sometimes.

I would also be having serious words with your sister, though they may have been talking at cross purposes and she may not have realised he was thinking she meant the two of them together.

Eh, no, you are under reacting, if anything! Doesn't sound like a hypothetical conversation - and, your sister, good grief. I would imagine it would go against every sensible boundary in any sort of open relationship that was meant to 'strengthen' a relationship.

Cruel. Thick.
A really obnoxious combination in anyone, and absolutely tragic in a husband.

This is when I would, despite cool-girl orthodoxy around not blaming 'the other woman', have a very strong word with my sister. Because your relationship to her is also at stake. I'd really want to find out whether she believes she has, in any way, as your DH seems to suggest, initiated this conversation -even as a glib quip or a not-fucking-funny joke. Her first response, if you're close, will tell you everything you need to know. I couldn't, hand on heart, tell you which would be the worst let down; the betrayal of trust by my sister or the absolutely gross cock-led entitlement of your husband. I think that, if I found myself sister had made a move on my DH, it would be over for us too -I'd feel so disrespected and humiliated.

I'd like to think this is an AI-generated post intended to inflame MN and get traffic but unfortunately my sister and I were confronted with this shit quite a bit when we were younger. Literally men asking us to kiss in bars because it turned them on 🤢🤢🤢

And there was some weird shit with one of my boyfriends, who I suspect had thoughts along these lines.

And now decades later, an ex of my sister (violent scary ex who should have spent years in jail for what he did to my sister, who escaped him with police assistance - she is now sadly now deceased) is sending me endless emails, letters, presents 9he in his mid 60s) and reminescencing how cute and beautiful I was and how he'd like to see me 😱😱😱

These fucking creeps.

This is appalling.
I really don’t see a way back to normal life after this bombshell.
He’d have to go and go fast.

All the porn has addled his brain.

you are not being unreasonable OP. I think it would be hard to move past this.

of all the people to suggest its your sister. Urgh

If this is real, then no, it's not ok

My DH would be under the patio by now if he suggested he might like to shag my sister!!!!

Your husband wants to sleep with your sister and you’re asking if you’re the one with a problem?

My first thought is your sister is flirting with him and giving him signals.

Has he had some sort of mental break?! Who even says stuff like that??

Tell him you're open to new relationships for yourself, but not with him going forward. What an absolute dickhead, sorry OP x

You are definitely not overreacting

HTH

Im going to wait and see if OP comes back before responding.

It all seems a little... off.

Not to clutch my pearls but bringing up a conversation like that out of nowhere with your wife and mother of your children on MOTHER’S DAY is just extra wild. Unless you’ve been dropping huge hints and it could be seen as a gift.

I would want to know word for word what exactly was said between your husband and sister.

"Great! I've always wanted to fuck your best friend and your dad. I agree me doing so can only make our relationship stronger".

Oh yes. I need to stop my knee jerk reactions.

I honestly don’t know how I could get past that conversation.

Yeah that would be the end of my marriage 🤢

I'd have the permanent ick after that.

Also how thick is a man who says you are overreacting when he suggests you open your marriage so he can shag your younger sister. Like what fucking planet is he on to think any normal woman would go "right, ah no, don't think I'd be into that but thanks for suggesting it anyway"

He is a stupid fool. Couldn't be dealing with him after that.

Your dh is pretty stupid isn’t he how can you be over reacting even as a joke it’s not funny. Op he is getting defensive and putting it back on you. Op you need a chat with your sister to make sure she’s not hinting to him. Some siblings do not care about loyalty but if she’s interested in him you are in danger of it happening behind your back. Your dh is another conversation has he got anyone fit and good looking that you could suggest because I’m pretty sure he would want it to be a one way deal.

That is absolutely disgraceful. Can you be 100% sure he isn’t shagging your younger sister already? And asking for retrospective permission? Why on earth would they be having some an inappropriate sexual discussion?

OP hasnt updated so yes I think AI. Such a waste of time, whoever posted it.

Yes, your DH asking your permission to fuck your sister is a big deal…..!