Husband suggested opening marriage and mentioned my sister, am I overreacting?

[Falalalalalala86]

Posting in relationships for more traffic as haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. It feels quite petty compared to some things on here but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

DH and I have been together 12 years, married 7. Two kids (9 and 6). Generally we get on well.

Last night after the kids went to bed he asked if we could talk. I assumed it was something normal (finances, holiday plans etc).

Instead he asked if I’d ever thought about “opening up the marriage”.

I genuinely thought he was joking at first but he was completely serious. He said lots of couples do it now and it can actually make relationships stronger.

I was really taken aback and said absolutely not. He then backtracked a bit and said he was “just curious” and we don’t have to do anything.

But it’s really unsettled me.

I asked where this had come from and he said it was just something he’d been reading about online.

Here’s the bit that’s bothering me though.

When I pushed a bit more he eventually admitted there’s a specific person he was thinking about.

And it’s someone I know.

It’s actually my younger sister.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

I feel completely weird about the whole thing now and honestly a bit sick.

He’s saying it was just a hypothetical conversation and I’m massively overreacting.

But I can’t get past the fact that he clearly has been thinking about my sister in that way.

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate or am I turning something stupid into a huge issue?

This. I would have filed already. It's over.

I already posted that your DH is an effing bastard. However your sister is also a shit for discussing this with him and being a stirrer.

That's not the point. I wouldn't touch my BIL with a twenty foot pole with a johnny on the end but he tried to get me up to his room at my nephews wedding. The intent was there with him OP. The fact that you feel he was not joking about the open marriage thing means it's in a load of trouble.

Time to start digging because in your shoes, I would assume he has already opened it and is looking for you to give the green light to 'launder' his activities.

Opening marriage to strangers - ok, I could get behind that.
Opening marriage to family or friends - absolutely not.

The very fact he was able to even tell you thats who he wanted to get involved with is insane, either hes stupid as fuck or somethings already happening there x

That conversation would be the end of my relationship.

Was this on Mother’s Day? If so even worse.

the mention of opening marriage would be enough for me to end my marriage as probably means he’s trialled opening it you just don’t know yet.

but to then mention your little sister, just sickening.

Ewww.
But does he often have delusions regarding how attractive he is to others. It sounds like he thinks your sister is interested.
maybe call their bluff and then you’ll see where the ground lies.

For me the opening of the marriage would mean the end of the marriage. The fact he has brought your sister into it is disgusting. It means he has been thinking about sexual activity with her.
im sorry OP.

Yuck
Divorce worthy behaviour repulsive man

I'm.puzzked why you think the fact your DH wants to have sex with you sister is "petty"?

I am opening the book. Place your bets now.

That the sister actually fancies him is 100/1 against.
That she tells her friends that her sister is married to a total creep and she hopes OP leaves him.....evens.

Apparently she’d joked with him a few weeks ago about “modern relationships” when we were all having drinks and he says that’s what made him start thinking about it.

Are you sure she’s not interested in him? In what way did she joke, like about modern relationships in general or joke about him and her? Sounds like she’s given him some sort of interest so I’d also be having words with her to find out exactly what was said

I seem to be the only one but I didn’t read this as he wants to have sex with your sister. I read it as it was her he’d been discussing the concept of open relationships with? That she’d got him thinking about the topic?

But even aside from that (major under reaction on your part btw) if you’re not interested in an open marriage then surely this is marriage ending? I don’t see how you could feel or trust in the same way.

I wouldn’t be able to stay married to him. I find it repulsive.

Unforgivable

This.

Your husband wants to shag your sister. Not only that, he wants to put a label on your marriage so that he can do said shagging in plain sight.

I wouldnt even close the door on the way out…

Hypothetical my arse. What a vile man. I absolutely would not get past this. Absolute marriage ender.

I could never look at this man again
let alone touch him
horrific

He wasn’t joking. He was testing your reaction.

Sending you strength OP.
How can your marriage last?
As painful as it is, it's non negotiable

He’d be out the door so fast, there would be cartoon speed lines behind him

I couldn't be in the same room as him after that let alone the same bed. There is no way of getting past this, I would feel that I never really knew hm and that he was now a rather creepy stranger.

Yes this is what I think too. No one has a serious conversation about the direction they would like their relationship to take and then jokes about the person they would like to involve.

Wtaf?

🚩 🚩🚩🚩

This would be marriage ending for me OP. He's a disgrace.
My first ex had a similar convo with me, 4 years in, despite claiming to be a Christian with firm views on monogamy, but seemed to be perfectly ok asking me to open our relationship to allow him to visit sex workers. I'm appalled I didn't leave him then - I was young and stupid. It doesn't get better after something like this - go now, look after yourself, eventually find someone who deserves you xx

It would explain the younger sister being cold towards him in front of her sister