Colleague’s wife upset about our friendship, am I being naive?

[Bingowashisnameoh1]

I have a fabulous, kind colleague at work, he’s great fun to be with and I feel very lucky that we are friends. We share lots in common and could honestly natter for hours. There are many other lovely people in the department who are good friends too. It’s not exclusive.
Out of the blue his wife called me late one evening, I didn’t answer and there was no message. I assumed from his wife as the caller profile photo was of the two of them. We have never met so it was odd that she would even have my number. I spoke with him about this and he explained she’s been upset about our friendship for a while and had seen some of our messages.
I’m happily married and have no intention of leaving my family. I understand how she must feel and I’m sorry, but it really it is just friendship. There is no physical attraction there. Friends have always been very important to me and I think in life when you find such a friend, it’s a rare thing and their gender shouldn’t matter.
I have confided in a friend and she thinks I am playing with fire. Am I being naive?

I was on your side until this comment. His marriage is none of your business.

Or they’ll only be together on paper but leading very separate lives. The usual.

Wow you are constantly texting outside of work??

you are not just naive. You are pretending to be naive, you know very well this is not appropriate

The OP says they weren't flirtatious, her friend saw them and said she was playing with fire.

If my good friend's spouse called me out of the blue late at night I'd answer immediately because I'd assume something had happened to my friend, or there was an emergency and they needed child/pet care or something.

unfortunately for his wife, you know exactly what you are doing and are getting a little thrill out of it.
imaging being so bored that you have to target a married man for a buzz.
The Faux Ho syndrome ain’t washing with this!

Absolutely right!

And then come onto a majority female forum to seek validation for being such a naive little poppet who just wants a fwend but the nasty wife is in the way

Transparent as a newly washed window

Ehm... no.
Friendships do exist.
However, good friendships when both parties want to keep it/want to keep it a friendship intentionally respect some borders to protect it. For example, they don't "banter" in a way that would make their spouses uncomfortable if they read or hear them.

Oh yes, and no longer sleeping together….
I actually don’t believe the OP- no one is this naive.

I hate it when people are disingenuous.

You said

“We have met each others partners a number of times, and he and his girlfriend have even offered to babysit my kids so DH and I can go out for meals.”

Can you not see the difference that introducing your friends to your partner makes? 🙄

The OP didnt even pick up the call
when the wife phoned her.

What you have described is miles
away from what is happening here.

And what’s your plan now you know she’s not happy? Are you going to cease contact?

This old chestnut. 🙄

What a ludicrous comment. 2 men (who are both married) having a close friendship is COMPLETELY different to a man and a woman having one. You are incredibly naive if you think otherwise.

You are crossing a line then.

Mumsnet can’t cope with platonic male female relationships, it’s quite extreme and would be funny if it wasn’t so sad!

And the drip feed begins.....

Unhappy at home. Dropped little hints about his wife not understanding him, he and Op having so much more in common. Blah di bloody blah.

Are you around the same age or is he older than you?

Yep, this! ^ How would you feel @Bingowashisnameoh1 if it was your husband having this cosy little flirty banter 'friendship' with another woman - a work colleague who he spends more time with than you - whilst completely excluding you?! Sending cute little friendly messages to one another, and spending LOADS of time just 'chatting.' The wife is clearly in the right here, and you are hilariously wrong. I can't believe for one second that you can possibly think all of this is OK.

Oh, and don't even try to pretend that you would be OK with it if you were the wife. Why have you got no interest in any contact with her? Funny how these female colleagues of married men never want to know his wife.

I think his wife needs to have a word with your husband! And they should both see all the messages between you and this male 'work colleague.'

Yep, what struck me was the OP opening sentence on him " I have a fabulous, kind man and I'm lucky that we're friends"

Most people would say " I have a friend at work" you like him more than you're letting on, and how do you know he's not happy at home? What do you two talk about? I can see exactly where this friendship is going and so do you, so drop the fake innocence...

Here we go

Exactly - I dont know why people bother making these ridiculous comparisons when they arent remotely comparable or the same at all.

If the OP had met this man's wife and they were all best buddies then the issue in the OP wouldn't bloody exist would it? 🙄

Oh I just noticed this. All the LOLz. 😆 'My wife doesn't understand me.' And the male colleague will have the OP in the sack in 1, 2, 3..........

this post, is not what is going on here @bigfacthunter

Of course, platonic male/female relationships are not extreme when "boundaries" are not encroached to the detriment of a marriage by all concerned.

Oh stop sending 'playful' messages to married men under the guise of it all being innocent. Get a life, get a hobby and work on self esteem so you don't need to have 'playful' messages boosting your ego.

If he's such a great mate invite him round with his wife? That's what usually happens, folk socialise together bbqs and such like. Not grubby secret messages.

Of course he's not happy at home, his wife won't understand him no doubt

Exactly @Gloriia !