Colleague’s wife upset about our friendship, am I being naive?

[Bingowashisnameoh1]

I have a fabulous, kind colleague at work, he’s great fun to be with and I feel very lucky that we are friends. We share lots in common and could honestly natter for hours. There are many other lovely people in the department who are good friends too. It’s not exclusive.
Out of the blue his wife called me late one evening, I didn’t answer and there was no message. I assumed from his wife as the caller profile photo was of the two of them. We have never met so it was odd that she would even have my number. I spoke with him about this and he explained she’s been upset about our friendship for a while and had seen some of our messages.
I’m happily married and have no intention of leaving my family. I understand how she must feel and I’m sorry, but it really it is just friendship. There is no physical attraction there. Friends have always been very important to me and I think in life when you find such a friend, it’s a rare thing and their gender shouldn’t matter.
I have confided in a friend and she thinks I am playing with fire. Am I being naive?

You’re kidding me - why are you so desperate to message him at all? You sound desperate. You have your own life. Stop trying to hang off the strings of his.

He’s told you to back off and you’re still messaging him - you’re either absolutely desperate or a total shit stirrer trying to cause trouble. Or more than likely both

They’ll be laughing at your desperation calling you his little fangirl. Have some self respect and dignity ffs

why are you so desperate to speak to
him outside of work. Hopefully his wife has enough sense to make your husband aware of your obsession with her husband.

Okay he's told you to back off so I'd go with that and from now on don't instigate conversation and just wait for him to be in touch. Then you know you're not the one crossing any lines. Win win.

However if you keep messaging him after he's asked you not to, then I think you are actually being a bit of a crap friend and trying to fuck up his marriage. Xx

Oh dear! Your time as ‘Ego Massager’ has come to an end and he has picked the one woman who actually matters to him! I’m sure you’ll find another ‘good friend’ to ‘natter’ to soon!

It comes over a bit that way. Look at me, pick me, answer my messages, etc.

@Bingowashisnameoh1 his wife is upset and its affecting his marriage, don't be that person, be better, lower the contact to work only, not flirty mixed messages, don't contribute to the end of his marriage.

It’s clearly a wind up but you got your 40 pages @Bingowashisnameoh1 so well
played

Getting Baby Reindeer vibes here now.

I’m truly amazed at some of the responses here. We’re teachers so does that mean no contact ever during any holidays? What is wrong with a friendly chat day or evening?

Wow

LMAO i work in a school, they’re a hotbed for affairs. This is no excuse, if anything it’s the reason why you’re doing what you’re doing!

Nope, keep the relationship professional. No need to message in the holidays. Keep chat at school work related. No need for what you have been doing at all.

Im assuming if he has asked you to cut back on contact, then it’s you that keeps messaging him and he is just replying to you. Am I correct?

i think you need to get some self respect and realise that your crush has chosen his wife. What did your husband say when you showed him the messages? I suspect you havent told him or shown him anything have you? Just have a think about that….why is this “friend’ such a secret?

I’m truly amazed at how you can’t see this from the wife’s perspective.

Yes, it does. He was nice about it, but he’s asked you to back off.

Replying when you message him doesn’t negate that request, it just suggests he’s doing his best to handle a colleague who’s being way too intense, who thinks she’s his very special BFF, won’t stop calling and messaging and buying him gifts, and who doesn’t give a shit that her unwanted attention is upsetting his wife. I’m not surprised he’s trying to deal with you gently rather than risking upsetting you. It seems you’d get very, very upset if he told you to never message him outside of work ever again.

Stop embarrassing yourself.

Quite honestly if his wife is now getting involved and he's asked you to "reduce the contact" just stop contacting him out of hours and find some new less-complicated friends. You can talk to him at school.

I think if he has said to reduce contact then that’s his polite way of slowing the friendship. He’s realised the problems it’s causing at home and he needs to put his wife first here.

As a teacher myself, I would say during the holidays don’t message him, he’s replying out of kindness, leave him be and if he wants to reach out for a chat then he will.
I know you don’t want to lose a friend and that’s not what’s happening, he’s just making sure it’s a work friendship that stays a work one and doesn’t impact his personal life.

The reality is that it’s her who has asked to stop the contact though, not him

Omg take the hint. Before he goes to the school about you harassing him.

This has to be a fucking joke, right. You can’t be this dim surely?!?!

But he has now asked you to reduce the contact. So just leave him alone, have some pride.

I seriously think you’re unhinged. You have zero awareness and zero self respect.

When we are at work we get on brilliantly. I really think his wife is insisting on this.

A teacher apparently - I feel sorry for the pupils having this immature desperado with the self awareness and dignity of a potato as a mentor

No it’s him, you heard it directly from his lips.

have some self respect. Stop this now. Before he complains about you. I also suspect he is the one who told his wife and she tried to help him out to get you to back off. He’s told you straight, respect it. For your sake. He wants you to stop and he is not interested.