husband told me he is leaving me

[beingtakenforafool]

Looking for a hand hold. Husband just told me today he’s leaving me and doesn’t love me anymore, well still cares but not in love with me. Im devastated and don’t know where to go from here. i can’t stop crying and he won’t consider counselling, time or anything like that as apparently been feeling like it for 6 months, but didn’t think to tell me

He's being cold and defensive because he knows its his fault but won't admit it. Who cares if he sleeps in his car, it speaks volumes no one can take him in. Stop worrying about him, it will get easier for you once he's gone..

I am sorry. He’s obviously got someone else.

The good news is, when you are ready, the idea you’ll be on your own because you’re in your 50s is nonsense. The women i know who have got divorced in middle age have hoovered up. Especially younger men love older women.

Hilariously one who’s husband left as he believed the andrew tate rubbish that he’d be inundated with offers from hot 20-somethings and has had absolutely nothing, has had dates every night of the week the last year. He then decided he wanted to get back with her as the grass wasn’t greener and she laughed in his face.

I hope this is, in time, the case for you

Just want to say sorry, your DH sounds so heartless.

10 months ago I could have written your post.
30 years together and out of the blue he said he wanted a divorce. It took me reaching rock bottom on several occasions to realise what was going on and one day I woke up to the reality of what he is really like
He brought me out of our marital house and I’ve got a beautiful flat with my daughter. I won’t lie, some days it’s difficult but then I remember how he was the last few months and his behaviour towards me and that changes my mind.
OP you’ve got to take one day at a time-easier said than done I know-I’ve been there but I’m slowly starting to come out the other side.
If you want to private message me then feel free

There’s your answer. When you’re in a loving long term relationship that first rush of ‘in love’ matures into something much deeper and permanent. Unfortunately some men seem to be prone to having their heads turned when they feel that ‘first flush’ rush again for someone else - it’s not love, it’s lust but they lose their minds and are prepared to throw away everything in pursuit of something that as a married man, they had no business allowing to develop in the first place.

Get yourself a good solicitor and start divorce proceedings. And make it perfectly clear that you know exactly what’s happening, and that when the first flush has given way to the reality that he’s thrown away everything he had, there is no way back.

Yeah he's not gonna sleep in his car, no way. He has other plans. Expect no honesty from him at this point. Look out for yourself. The DC are grown ups and while it's nice that they got to save up, that was a luxury esp when you were both in debt, so they should contribute to the home now you need them to. Hang on in there, this will all feel like a blur soon but take care and take it a step at a time. There's lots of help/advice/support on here from people who've been there.

I think women who go out with men who've recently separated and go on dating apps need their heads examining.

This man is no longer trustworthy, so do not believe a word he says as his whole mission now is to leave without being seen as the bad guy. There is another woman, men don't leave unless they have another woman waiting. He is no longer on your side so don;t be kind, get even. The sooner you tell everyone the better as you need support. You will survive x

It must hurt and sadden you so much now but you will be happier living on your own than with someone who doesn't love you.

Please don't feel that you have anything to be ashamed about. This all says so much more about him than you. It doesn't mean you're unlovable.

I am always happier for friends to be on their own than with someone who doesn't deserve them. I wouldn't judge them in a negative way if their husband or partner left, I'd want to know so I could give some support, make some positive plans and maybe help signpost some practical help.

i have spoken to a friend in real life , who is as shocked as I am about how he is acting. they will be there for me to help me through and when I think about it I have friends to help me, he just has colleagues . i don’t intend to get even as such, but I will tell people the truth. was I perfect throughout our marriage of course not, would I have been willing to change things to try and make it work - 100 %. I think what hurts most is I haven’t been given that chance. I will offer him the chance to stay here temp to save a deposit as I have somewhere to stay , a month should be enough ,he can then deal with all the house, adult dc and everything , he then may see how much I actually do. but if he chooses to leave straight away then I think it speaks volumes that this is all about him. And he wants to be portrayed as the victim and does long term have somewhere to go. why would you not choose to stay in a warm house where your kids are and do things properly otherwise. if he goes there will be no coming back , I would have been okay if he said he needed to leave for a week or so to clear his head and then talk, but if he goes with everything then thats final. he won’t cross the threshold of this house again.

I am so sorry. What an utter #^*#! But now he has shown you his true nature.

The next year is going to be shite. There will be happy moments but lots of really dark times. But this will be you struggling to battle out of your chrysalis and you will emerge stronger and wiser. The struggle out of the chrysalis strengthens a butterfly’s wings and this fight will strengthen yours. 🦋

You will create a life for yourself with hobbies, friends and you can create a beautiful space around you.

It doesn’t matter where he goes, tonight he needs to be gone.

You should get legal advice re the pension. My understanding is that a judge would want to see that any division of assets (pension being one) and debts needs to be fair and that you should both have equity. Conduct (even abuse unless extreme) and contribution (except in unusual circumstances) don’t make a difference.

You might qualify for legal aid but you certainly could make use of an initial free consultation- do your own research first and go with very specific questions.

Good luck. You will be free of this hideous excuse for a man and able to live life how you want. Write down all the crappy things about him to look at when you feel like you have lost something good. Any man that can treat you like this is not worthy of you.

Sending you peace, love and strength.

@WeekendTripHelp they hold a joint tenancy. He can't be forced out tonight. She can ask him to go, but if he refuses he's within his rights to stay. Unless he has been violent or abusive that is the law. If he was either of those then she needs a court order to get him out.

This.. I left my first marriage, after 28 years, because I was just unhappy. No one else was involved, and no abuse involved.

The kids were adults, and it just all felt pointless.

I moved on, remarried and had 20 wonderful years, until DH died, ex also moved on, and we’re friends now. 🤷‍♀️

Leaving a marriage doesn’t always mean adultery.

Looking for reasons won’t help you to recover from this. With the benefit of time, you might even be happier.

This is a shock to you. A terrible shock. But you need to get organised and grieve in a few months when you have everything sorted. Use your anger to get you through this - put it to use to sort out finances and paperwork.

Get him off the tenancy and then get him gone.

Good luck.

he will go if I ask him , he was only here last night as i told him to stay on sofa. he took some bits with him
this morning so he has clothes etc for a few days

Mil started dating again in her 80s after Fil died.

I honestly think men are very much more prone to this and very quickly - even when they are not actually unhappy- they really want that initial ‘rush’ - women I’ve found tend to be more susceptible to it if actually unhappy , it’s not so much the rush as ‘a connection /being noticed’

Sorry I don't agree with you accomodating him for a month! If he wants to leave , he leaves.. now.
He has had time to come to this decision and therefore time to make arrangements for himself.
Stop bending over and being kind.. he is not your friend.. and he will not be your friend in his future dealings.. be very sure of that.
This is your time to look after you... in every way.. speak to your friends, tell everyone exactly what has happened. You have nothing to hide or be ashamed or embarrassed about.
Good luck.

I'm making the point to give the correct legal advice. If he's happy to leave, that's his choice, but he can return at any time whilst he holds a joint tenancy. So the locks can't be changed, he can't be forced to leave the keys, and he can't be forced out. I regularly point this out, so that people generally don't make bigger problems for themselves.
I'm sure you won't, my comments are general.

I think my FIL would be up for it at 86 , even after nursing until they died both a wife and a later long term partner with breast cancer - if anyone has a cracking looking 70 plus mum ( he’s fussy on looks) on her own, solvent, well dressed, own home, likes travel and a nice home- let me know!! He’s fit, drives, kind, well dressed , intelligent and caring and lives in a funky town!

tenancy form to sole already requested. he will
leave his key if I ask and I will get him to
sign tenancy why he still feels a little guilty , he is a stubborn person anyway so no way he would stay in house whilst I am still here .

What do you want op, do you want to leave and let him stay in the house on his own for a month or do you want him to leave. Put aside what he wants. If he leaves I'd ask him for money to pay his share of the rent and bills until you get sole tenancy. Him leaving makes life easy for him, no responsibility but it has to be your choice.

They are still your memories and still true. It’s about him, not you. I have been there and you truly will feel better in time op.

My mum's just 70 and says he's far too old for her!!

Op, he isn't willingly going to sleep on a bench or in a car. I also think he has someone else. As a pp said, you have to try and put that aside mentally to make sure you a. Get what you're entitled to and b. Make sure your mental health is protected.

It's happened to me, I was left penniless on top of the cheating, and I can assure you that it is entirely possible to recover from!