DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Nosdacariadare these new men you’re talking to?

Oh god I haven't had a 4th date in forever! Normally they do something to annoy me and they're in the bin after 2 dates.

I'm guilty of dropping a few balls. I started with all the best intentions but very quickly got so disheartened by the low effort crap from guys on OLD that I stopped putting effort in myself. Ended up taking myself off the apps because I realised that I was becoming one of the people I complain about!

Yeah, sometimes they are boring. Sometimes I am busy and talking to a stranger is not at the forefront of my mind. And I know people say "well, if you were really interested, then..." and yes, sure. But I am not "really interested" in anyone initially unless they are pretty exceptional. And I imagine most people feel the same and we can't expect everyone to give us a big speech that they want to unmatch us after two days of chatting. It's ok to let people drop off without an explanation (unless you've been on a date with them or, worse, had sex).

@Kaltenzahn yup, im similar here, I dip into the apps, get disappointed by low effort/lack of decent matches then I take myself off again. Im a normal, solvent woman with lots of friends but the apps make me feel very rubbish about myself/invisible. Its like a hamster wheel.

Well your just sorting through the rubbish to find your diamond 😊

@Kaltenzahnthars the best way to be! I’ve been on and off the apps over the years and normally am like this and have zero tolerance for bullshit and love bombing etc! However, i got sucked in by recent guy… should have known as all the tell tale signs were there - no real effort to make plans (despite weirdly pinning me his location) and disappearing for a few days! But I think my genuinely nosy nature makes me want to find out their actual situation ( in a couple/catfish etc etc)! Anyway onto the next, my only rule is to go for people I find attractive as I have very little else to go on 😂😂

Also, what apps are we all using. As I’m going all in this time, in the attempt to go on one date this year (its finding the quality in all the quantity) I am on the following
Hinge - I actually hate this app and rarely get any good conversations! Chatting to someone cute at the moment though… let’s see!
Bumble - find the men are normally better quality here, but hate this idea of women being in control. There is nothing uplifting about being the only one who can message first and then get zero replies - to me this gives men the control not us.
Tinder - weirdly my favourite app! So many people on here and I think it’s the best for a whole host of the weird and wonderful. You have to get through so much crap, but previously met three really nice guys from here (just wasn’t in the right place to take any further)

are there any other apps people are using?

Anyone else seeing a lot of men who say they’re 47 but are clearly in their twenties?

The milf experience is still going strong then!

I too prefer Tinder. Current guy I am dating met on Feeld. The app itself is a little glitchy but it does a great job at matching by interests and we do have A LOT in common which is probably why we spend at least an hour chatting on the phone every day and never seem to run out of topics of conversation.

They are. Mr PE is tragically boring already. Cyberman is one message a day so I'll feed back on him around Christmas.
Mr Eng has potential, but a fair way away.

Same

Apps - fb dating and Tinder. Tried Hinge, not much difference in my demographic.

I am applying the block to burn approach and so some days there are no new potential people but it does mean that I'm not having to go through 250 recycled pics of 60 year olds with their tops off.

I apologise for the image.

Tinder did suggest Mr X as a match...who is STILL emailing. I stopped communicating 11 emails ago.

@Nosdacariad oh my gosh I’m in hysterics ‘tragically boring’ I can totally relate… and the one message a day! FFS! Also, think there is a lucrative business model for helping choose men’s photos on their profiles - they seem either insanely try hard or minimum effort (probably same for women’s profiles too) my worst is the head on pillow in bed shot!

I haven’t had a date full stop in 2 years let alone a 2/3/4 one.

In 6 years single I’ve probably only met 15 men with through OLD and in the wild. And only 2 of those lead to a second date

At 60 I’ve pretty much given up but every so often I dip back in to see if there’s anyone new and it’s the same faces I’ve seen a million times.

@pinkpalmleaves those head on the pillow shots are instant block, as are the bare chested ones unless they're in water and not just posing.

@TwistedWonder I keep looking at photos on Tinder and thinking "I'm sure I blocked you".

Every time i reactivate my profile i get the same men message me with the same cut and paste messages.

I think ‘I’ve not replied the previous dozen times so why would I suddenly decide identical message 13 is the charm’

Been a while since I popped on! Some updates.

I've come off the apps. I just couldn't deal with them any more. Feels quite good to have a detox, but obviously no new irons as a result.

I told the fireman that I couldn't deal with his inconsistent attitude so that's obviously been the end of that.

Pub Man resurfaced (I may have overreacted on that one) and I'm meeting him for beers this afternoon!

I have a new "friend" who I will call Mr Millionaire, because he is 😅 see him occasionally for a fun afternoon and neither of us want more. So very pleased I at least have that side covered!

@CleanShirtI dated an inconsistent fireman for over seven years! Lovely guy, but not for the faint hearted! We’re still in touch…. It’s hard to date when not on the apps but when on the apps you want to get off!!

You have been busy! Beers this afternoon sounds like heaven, 🌞☀️🍻

Glad I read this as I’ve just matched with a semi retired fireman. I’ll tread carefully

He is certainly behaving like you have a real connection, as for what that is in terms of "relationship" you make a good point, maybe its time to be direct with him because he is really giving out boyfriend vibes at the moment. I've had long term men not step up the way he is!

@pinkpalmleaves I completely agree about Bumble, I hate it! When I was on there I only matched with men if I could send a unique/funny opening message based on their profile/bio. A good 50% of them just never replied. I can only assume they were using it as an ego boost or swiping yes to everyone then only looking at profiles properly when they got messages. Very demoralising!

I’m using Bumble, Hinge and Breeze. I’ve been on breeze for 6 months and only had one date. The issues is there’s hardly anyone on it so it suggests people miles away and limits what attributes you can refine.

After a few months on bumble it feels like I’ve reached the absolute dregs. Though if you haven’t been on recently you can now add opening moves so the guy can message first which takes the pressure off.

I get barely any matches on Hinge and those I do get rarely message. Having said that I do now have a date lined up with Mr Tall, the one still going through a separation.

Maybe it’s time to give Tinder another go as I did get some dates through it last time!

Current irons are Mr Sporty and Mr Intellectual. The jury’s out on them as only just started messaging but hopefully I’ll find out if there’s any potential there soon!

I created a Facebook dating profile recently and deleted it within the hour. Seemed overwhelming and there were all these men wanting to be my ‘friend.’