BIL Text Me In Error-he is having an affair?

[Robertsmithsnan]

I sent my BIL a message last week, my name starts with R.
Received a message at 7am, “R, you are the light of my life, I love you with all my heart”
He sent this to me by mistake.
The “R” person is someone he works with. What do I do?

If they are married, your sister would be entitled to 50% of any assets, e.g. the family home, any savings and pensions. However, if she doesn't work and the children are adults, she probably wouldn't be entitled to spousal support.

He sounds like a stupid old fool who has mis-read his relationship with his co-worker and blown up his marriage.

Does she really want to stay with him or is she just scared about being on her own with no income?

With not being financially independent, she will end up taking whatever he does.

Maybe therapy would be good for her to work through her feelings.

Without seeing the messages I wouldn't believe there hasn't been a physical affair.

If she told him on one of their walks she didn't see him like that, why would he then send her a message saying she's the light of his life and he loves her? Surely that's harassment and she could get HR involved?

Is the OW married?

@Robertsmithsnan

You did the right thing. Now it's up to DSis to take it from here. At this point just tell her you love her, you will always be there for her and she is welcome to stay with you. Then unfortunately you'll have to drop it and give her space. The one thing I'd stress and perhaps mention more than once is that she needs to see a solicitor. Tell her it doesn't mean she's going to 'do anything' or that you will encourage her to do so, it's just that she needs to educate herself as to what divorce may mean to her regardless of what she decides now. Offer to go with her as a second pair of ears. But if she reacts 'negatively, drop that too and perhaps raise it again once she seems to have digested things.

I'm sure you already know this, but say absolutely NOTHING about this to anyone else. It will be up to her if she wants to confide in your parents, sibling, etc.

So your sister is now stuck with a man who says he loves someone else because she is financially dependent on him and doesn't have a job?

This is why a woman should never hand control of her life to a man.

If an iPhone then you can get back deleted messages by clicking on recently deleted

Exactly OP - your sister's husband blew up her life. How could you have kept something like that from her? You couldn't. She 1000% deserved to know. At least now she has the opportunity to find someone who doesn't love another woman!!! She deserves so much better.

He says this woman is the light of his life and he loves her with all his heart, yet nothing physical happened? If anyone believes this, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell them.

OW doesn’t feel the same way… Sure, Buddy!

I've reported you again. You've been deleted once already.

How do you figure it's your fault? Rather than your cheating scumbag BIL.

You didnt her husband did.

When she gets through this, and she will with your support she will know when it's hard youll be honest with her. And thats going to be really important atm.

Sorry your BiL is a pig

How old is your sister? Why she has nothing and no work. Who is buying her clothes at least? Her cosmetics?

For those suggesting it didnt happen, its happened to me. Except in my case it was my own father that texted me in error.

No I didnt tell my mother.

That's so weird. I'm sorry you had to go through that . 💐

Definitely I think OP's note could possibly be that...Hopefully it's a joke, but who knows?

This. You did the right thing in telling your sister

So, they have to sort it now.

Go to counselling - alone and together.
Him quit his job, perhaps, and definitely cease walking with women at lunch break.

And eventually abide by whatever your sister decides is best for her.

Did he go for a walk and have a heart to heart with this woman and discover his love was unrequited in between sending her (you) the text at 7am and being back home to sort out his marriage by noon? Presumably while they were both at work and he was also dealing with the fallout from the errant text? Busy morning eh.

Or did he have that conversation with her another day and then send the text anyway, already knowing she doesn't fancy him? Because that sounds like harassment.

Why should she speak to OW? The OW isn't obliged to speak to her and she's already said she's not leaving, so what's the point.

Any betrayed spouse should direct their questions to their partner.

Asking the OW/OM questions gives them too much power.

He's effectively stalking the colleague.

Exactly. Still your family (and chose to be, marriage is a choice, blood isn't!) and their kid is still your niece/nephew, and the wife deserves to know, and if there's a perfectly good reason...he could have been texting another relative (strange message for a married man to send to anyone but his wife) or he's writing a play and just wanted his mate's opinion on wording (yes, of course).

I would get his phone forensically analysed so I knew the truth ...

forensically analysed 😂 have you heard yourself? he’s not a terrorist!!