BIL Text Me In Error-he is having an affair?

[Robertsmithsnan]

I sent my BIL a message last week, my name starts with R.
Received a message at 7am, “R, you are the light of my life, I love you with all my heart”
He sent this to me by mistake.
The “R” person is someone he works with. What do I do?

I think it's amazing the amount of people on here who know so little about their families lives. I am not particularly close to SIL, but we have had conversations along the lines of - how is the job going - oh its great but Bob does this and Ernie said that.. I know the names of her co-workers.

OP was right about the co-worker. OP, you did the right thing, and your sister might not thank you right now, but she will in the long run. Her H is a lying cheating twat and she deserves to know that.

He blew up his life and hers alongside it, not you.

She doesn't feel the same way.
They had been going on lunchtime walks. He developed feelings. He confided in her but she doesn't see him that way.
My poor sister.
Her entire world is crumbling. She is devastated. Honesty is the most important thing to her. She knows she can trust me.
I hate him. Her children are adults. She doesn't work. She has nothing. She can't /won't leave
I've offered for her to stay with me, she won't. They are tied financially.

Nothing physical happened and I believe that but he deleted all messages, if you have nothing to hide why do that.

Just tell her she can change her mind anytime, two weeks or 6 months. She doesn’t have to decide today.
Dont tell anyone and don’t mention it again unless she brings it up.

you did the right thing.
Your poor sister x x

She has adult children - why doesn't she work? That needs to change.

Your poor sister OP. She’s lucky to have you.

It’s all new to her. She maybe scared of change. Maybe she’s use to her cosy little life of not working, doing her hobbies etc and the thought of having to work, find somewhere to live etc is too much for her. Maybe she’s in denial and the anger hasn’t started yet.

You did the right thing and you didn't blow her life up, he did.

What has that got to do with her husband having an affair?

What a shit your BiL is. You haven't blown up your sister's life, he has. You had no choice but to tell her.
Your sister is very lucky to have you.

I'm not sure he did actually have the affair from what OP has said, but certainly intended to. Or may be infatuated with or harassing another woman with his unwanted declarations of love. Either way, what a nob.

But yes, berating the sister for not working is prob not appropriate at this time. Thing is, if she wants to build a life where she doesn't rely on him, she'll almost certainly have to.

but he deleted all messages, if you have nothing to hide why do that.

But he did have something to hide: he has admitted he developed feelings for her and presumably the texts elaborated on those feelings.

What an idiot! Your sister can take a perverse sort of comfort in the fact that, however crushing her situation is - and it really is - his can only be more crushing. Imagine getting rejected by your crush AND your wife finding out. Lose-lose.

Are they not married? She presumably owns half of all assets if so.

How did you receive this message at 7am but were able to post about it here at 6:48am - are you a time traveler?

So, in essence, he has a crush on some poor work colleague who has no interest in him. Ballsy (stupid) call to text her that at 7am with no expectation of reciprocity.

Unlike many here, I would not automatically jump to this having to be marriage ending. That would depend on how he responds now.

Admitting to it AND deleting the messages is the weirdest bit, what else is he hiding?
(you did the right thing btw as everyone else has said)

My BIL came home from work.
My DS had called him in work screaming.
By the time he got home he had deleted everything, told my sister that he had feelings for the OW but she doesn't feel that way (she told him this on one of their walks).
Is that ok?

The ow may not feel the same as him but you don't suddenly start sending super heartfelt texts out of nothing. So they've obviously been having some level of emotional affair and my guess is they've both been enjoying the attention but the ow has no interest in disrupting her own family or getting in the middle of his drama. And so it's all come crashing down on him when it came to light.

Ultimately its her decision if she stays or not. I did the first time round when it happened to me (lesson learnt) and what I would just say is that its an extremely isolating place to be because think a) you must have got over it because you're trying to move forwards - but in reality that takes such a long time, and b) people avoid you because they're angry at him and don't want to see him so I found friends took a step back even though they were on the surface supportive. So I'd just say provide her with all the support she'd need in order to leave but respect her decision if she is adamant to stay and try not to isolate her even with the best of intentions because she'll be in a lot of pain for a long time and she'll need you round her. Plus let's be honest, leopards rarely change spots.

Yeah, OP, did you receive BIL's message at 7am yesterday?

I'd be suspicious. There's no way to trust him. Maybe they are having an affair but he thinks pretending they're not is the best way to keep your sister from contacting her.

If this is true .. be prepared for her staying with him, and you being the one left out in the cold. It’s a tale as old as time.

Yes!

Your sister needs to speak with OW but if possible as a surprise so BIL can’t warn her what to say.
S has got to try and get the truth and I’m not sure she can trust her H to tell her the truth.

"I’m not sure she can trust her H to tell her the truth."

She can trust her H to NOT tell the truth.

Why would she waste her time talking to the OW?

It is her H who has had the affair (even if "just" and emotional one) so he is the one she should speak to - and has

Well done for telling your sister OP, that must have been so difficult