BIL Text Me In Error-he is having an affair?

[Robertsmithsnan]

I sent my BIL a message last week, my name starts with R.
Received a message at 7am, “R, you are the light of my life, I love you with all my heart”
He sent this to me by mistake.
The “R” person is someone he works with. What do I do?

You haven’t blown up your sisters life. Just because you’re the messenger doesn’t mean any of this is your fault. There is only one person to blame and it isn’t you.

Don't blame yourself, I would have done exactly the same as you.

Blame is only with BIL.

It depends on the message you sent him! If someone sent me a message saying I’ve baked you a cake I’d reply with something like that! But it’s just banter. What’s your relationship with your BIL like ?

Sorry just seen update.

I've blown my sisters life up

Your actions may have caused your dear sister some pain now but honesty is the better course of action.

Could you imagine if your sister found you were hiding this from her

Honestly what else could you do? She’s your sister. 💐

He blew their lives up himself OP, not you.

You did well in telling your sister. Regardless of the outcome, at least now she knows.

This man has placed the bomb under his own life.
You are not to blame. I would have told my sibling too.

Be there for her if she needs you.
But don't accept any blame from anyone.

A total shitfest. I've blown my sisters life up.

No, @Robertsmithsnan, you haven't. He has. What an arsehole is.

You could not have hidden this from your sister.
Please do not feel bad. You have done the right thing.
The guilt and shame is with him, not you.

He is at fault not you. It would have come out at some point, and if you hadn't told your sister, and she found out that you hadn't, that would have been far worse. You've been honest which is so important.

I’m so sorry OP. But I agree - the only person who has blown up this marriage is him.

He has blown the marriage up
Your sister would be doubly betrayed if you had not told her

However be prepared for some temporary, misplaced anger at you (the messenger) from either of them. Just be there for your sister.

Also, fwiw, it sounds like he was actually being a bit stalkerish to the OW - even worse in some ways.

Um no you haven't, he's done that.......

Yanbu to have told her. Or you would have been complicit in his affair imo.

You havent blown your sisters life up. Her DH did that. For what its worth i think you should have reacted less hastily and not reacted to the message, giving your Dsis a chance to do some digging and play her cards. But he holds all the responsibility here and you can just support your Dsis through it.

If the OW wants nothing to do with him, is this affair a figment of his imagination - or have they had a relationship?

The OW wants nothing to do with him.

I can't get my head around this.

Absolutely incorrect. HE has blown up your sister's life. Do you think all would have been hunky dory if you hadn't done this?

As everyone has said, this is your BIL's fault. You were unfortunately forced to be the bearer of bad news, but at least your sister now knows the truth and can eventually get to a better place in her life and not be unknowingly married to a man who's lying to her.

It sounds like BIL isn't 'just' a run of the mill cheater, but actually a bit nuts to be so ardently declaring his love to a woman who doesn't want anything to do with him. Very bad luck (for him) that he messaged you instead of her in such early days of his would-be affair—unless he's been pursuing her for some time despite her lack of interest.

Don’t take on any responsibility for this. This is all on your BiL. Can you imagine if she’d found out another way and then BiL tells her that he knows you know because he accidentally sent you a text? Your relationship with your sister would never be the same again. You did what sisters are supposed to do.

I know it’s heartbreaking to watch someone you love be in so much pain but this is not going to be forever. Eventually she’s going to be in a position where she genuinely doesn’t care about him and she’s also not being betrayed by him. You did the only thing you could do.

You haven’t done anything. He’s fucked it all
up.

I agree with the above, that bil is the one at fault here, not you. He’s lusting after another woman, and as ow is not interested, he sounds like he’s hassling and pestering her. Better your sister finds out sooner than later.

I’m a bit confused. Is OW actually an OW?

Or is she innocently going about her job and getting harassed by BIL with his pathetic declarations of unrequited love?

This ^^ you had your dsis's back and made sure she had the info she needed to make an informed choice on HIS behaviour.

Is your dsis angry at you?

How do you know ow wants nothing to do with him.

Is it your sister who has soken to her, or has the BIL relayed this to you to protect the ow and minimise how the relationship is progressing.

He's going to be in damage limitation at the moment, you may become part of the blame game, take no notice just be there for your sister, this needed to come out, you did the right thing.

Stop that!! No you didn't. Your brother in law did.