Are you happily married?

[IcyRubyHiker]

I would love to hear from anyone really!

Who is really, truly, happily married?

Who is just indifferent and has decided to put up with it / is staying for the kids? Who has lost the romance and is just avoiding the upheaval of leaving?

Is the idea of being happily married just unrealistic?

I am married but we are not in a romantic relationship. We are more of a domestic partnership / financially it is easier than being single… and I have no idea if I am the only one… I’m pretty sure we are both just going along with it because no one wants to rock the boat / blow up our child’s settled home life.

How does anyone who just has a ‘fine’ marriage ever have the courage to do anything about it, or even leave?

We are happily married for over 17 years. Still best friends and have a great sex life.

Sorry to hear that things are difficult for you. A lot of my friends are in similar positions.

It’s my 13yr anniversary with my husband today. I love him infinitely and he’s my favourite person to do anything with. Great sex life etc. We have two 8yr olds.

There’s nothing wrong with a friendship marriage or domestic marriage, but whatever the arrangement you should be content, happy and fulfilled. Are you any of those things?

I am so happy you are. It’s good to hear it can exist. We haven’t had sex for years 🫠 we’ve both just given up I think but it is such a lot to tackle.

Same as you.
I’ve tried several things to try and make it work (he hasn’t) and I’ve just resigned myself to a sexless loveless marriage as my son ist good with change but I am looking at leaving

Currently not very happy but content.

I think that's more common than happily married tbh

Married 8 years and very happy. Best thing I ever did, alongside having DC.

It is so tough isn’t it. Have you recieved any advice about the financial aspects of divorce? I just can’t cope with what it all!

Very happily married here. Been together almost 24 years and he is my best friend. We have the same values, same desires for the future, I love days off work when it’s just us bumbling about, he’s silly and fun, he takes amazing care of me and our kids.

In turn, he would say I’m a good wife, a good listener to him, he enjoys doing things with me even if it’s just a walk or a bike ride. We’re both looking forward to retirement and hopefully doing lots of stuff together. I can never understand these people who dread their spouse retiring and being under their feet.

If I’ve had a bad day, I turn to my DH. If I’ve had something amazing happen, he’s the first person I want to tell. He’s stuck up for me in some difficult family issues and I know he 1000% has my back as I do with him. We joke that if anyone upset either of us, the other will be right behind them with a shovel to dispose of them (joking obvs).

Funnily enough though, our kids are just the same with each other and us. We’re an incredibly close family and would do anything for each other. We’re all very supportive and considerate of each other.

We're happily married, together about 25 years, married 15, 2 children. We've had our ups and downs, especially when the kids were small, but I am still really glad we are together and I am looking forward to us retiring together in a few years.

I had a long term relationship before we got together which didn't make me happy, it wasn't 'til I got together with my husband that I realised how good a good relationship could be.

Sorry to hear that. This is exactly what I was wondering.. it is reassuring in a way.

No. My ex H left me for OW.

Much of our marriage was unhappy or dysfunctional in some way though I am not sure I thought that at the time.

Men put less effort in than women. If things stop working they look elsewhere and stop communicating.

I can think of one of my friends relationships where I think 'I'd like that for me', but shes not very happy with him! The rest of my friends i think all deserve better/partners don't pull their weight etc. Just my thoughts! It is nice to hear that some people are happy in their relationships!

Yes, almost 35yrs together and very happy. He's my favourite person to spend time with.

Yes, we've been together 22 years now. He is my best friend and we have an amazing sex life and have never stopped finding each other attractive.

I think the hardest time was when the kids were tiny and we were both knackered. However, sometimes I look at him and think how lucky I am and that I could never ever have spent 22 years with anyone else.

Of my social circle, I would say at least 70% are still happily married.

@IcyRubyHiker very similar position to you. We are housemates with children together. Haven't slept in the same room for nearly a year...no sex for a lot longer. Ive voiced by unhappiness, weve talked we said lets make changes but it hasn't happened. We have 3 children so struggling with the of separating. I've started seeing a therapist to help me make sense of it all. Im definitely period menopausal so I dont think that helps.
We get on. We dont argue but this isnt the life I want. Its very difficult to make sense of it all!

Very happy. Married 16 years together nearly 20. I’ve had a bad marriage so I know how lucky I am now.

Among my friends who are married (30s and early 40s), most seem to be very happy. Most don’t have kids though, and I hear that’s often when blissful marriages go tits up.

Among my older relatives (50s plus) there are several loveless, sexless marriages where the couple are together for financial reasons and/or for the kids.

So I would say it’s common but perhaps more so in older generations? How old are you @IcyRubyHiker ?

I’m somewhere between some of those extremes. DH and I have been together for 28 years, married for 23. We don’t have much sex these days. It’s more of a special occasion thing now but we’re both happy with that. It’s not that either of us wants to have sex with someone else- just neither of us are that motivated any more. We’re not romantic or particularly affectionate. But we are very close. We’re best friends. We laugh a lot. We enjoy travel together. We occasionally enjoy long chats, putting the world to rights. I see absolutely no reason to separate or divorce- it would be expensive, exhausting and traumatic, and I think we’d both be lonely.

I love my husband more than anything. Never has another person made me feel so safe, seen and understood. He is 100% on my team all the time and he tries really hard to make me happy and give me what I want. He’s the best.

Very much in love with my husband, we’ve been married 34 years and I feel very blessed! I adore him!

We sound exactly the same! I’m so sorry… It is so difficult isn’t it?! I am also peri menopausal which is making things seem worse I think. I’ve actually got some HRT to start soon and some talking therapy so will see what happens there but it’s all a bit depressing and not the life I want to live.

I am happy in my 12yo marriage, of course it’s not the first years of elation and frequent sex but that’s family. We have each others back. We’ve gone through great things and difficult things and can rely on each other. We respect and care for each other. There isn’t much passion but there is plenty of tenderness.

Its very difficult! Just not knowing whats for the best. Just questioning everything. However my priorities right now are to work on myself and do stuff for me. not make any drastic life changing decisions too quickly!

I love this! It's what I hoped for for myself!

I guess it depends on your financial resources and your confidence in your ability to cope.

I left ex because I knew I could return to my career. Because we hadn't bought a house together at that point. We were living in ex's house which I disliked. He refused to move and tried to force me to buy half his house which was not what we had agreed. He turned controlling after ds was born and there were red flags emerging daily.

I still had my house deposit so I quietly applied for a job in my home town. Found a temporary flat and took ds with me and moved out. There was no disruption which made it very simple.

It would have been very different if we'd been married for a decade. I hope you get it sorted. As you say, that is no life.

Yes. Together 37, married nearly 35. I love him more now than when we fell in love. We have never been apart, by choice or due to work, since our 2nd date.

Evwry night bwfore he goes to sleep he tells me he loves me and says it again when he wakes up.