Are you happily married?

[IcyRubyHiker]

I would love to hear from anyone really!

Who is really, truly, happily married?

Who is just indifferent and has decided to put up with it / is staying for the kids? Who has lost the romance and is just avoiding the upheaval of leaving?

Is the idea of being happily married just unrealistic?

I am married but we are not in a romantic relationship. We are more of a domestic partnership / financially it is easier than being single… and I have no idea if I am the only one… I’m pretty sure we are both just going along with it because no one wants to rock the boat / blow up our child’s settled home life.

How does anyone who just has a ‘fine’ marriage ever have the courage to do anything about it, or even leave?

l’m early 50s he is mid 50s. Met later in life. He is my person, my harbour, my safe space. I know he feels the same. We have 3 children and 3 dogs and they get on (for the most part together). Currently on holiday with him. My greatest joys are having a cup of tea with him or sitting in a cafe (like this afternoon) or just walking hand in hand. We get into bed and we curl up and it’s heaven a the best part of the day. Active sex life and lots of cuddles. He has never raised his voice at me - he does 95% of all house work. If I struggle he says I’ve got you and he has. I waited 45 years to find him and I will never let me go. We often laugh and say we could do Race around the world as we would be so happy in a tent in the pouring rain or a 5 star hotel. I’d prefer 5 star but actually when I’m with him all my stressed disappear.

Funnily enough he is not my type attractive wise and on an app I would swiped no. He won me with his mind, intelligence and kindness and in the early days I remember looking at him and just thinking - it’s you, isn’t it, you are the one I’ve been looking for and the butterflies took off and soared and I have never fallen for anyone the same way. I absolutely adore him and sex is a small pocket of it but for us that bonding is vital else we would be best friends but not life partners.

35 years together. We've been through lean times, but I love him and he loves me, and that has never changed.

Do you speak about your relationship at all? Has there been any talk of separation? X

No, sadly after 32 years of marriage my husband decided he was unhappy and it was all my fault.
Reality was cancer put me into medical menopause my libido vanished the enforced celibacy took him looking online for someone else. He has found that person who handily lives close by, she knows he is married but its 2026 that doesn't matter.

He has never been happier, he moved out to a bedsit I moved into charity refuge and he is planning the selling of our beautiful home.
Im devastated, but he gets to empty his balls into his preferred female, so thats alright!

He is a 59 year old fool that has blown our family apart!

I am very happily unmarried-and have been for more than 40 years. Does that count?

I wasn’t happy and lived in a sexless/loveless marriage for many years. There was an age gap of 10 years between us (him older) and I’d been very inexperienced and, well, naive to marry him. He was a nice man but the chemistry and connection just wasn’t there. We also lived in an unromantic relationship. He was terrible in the bedroom and never improved. In the end, my attraction towards him just went and I had resigned myself to a sexless marriage. We also didn’t hold hands, didn’t kiss…nothing.

My world was blown apart at 45 when I got involved with someone else. Boom! Menopause hormones and the attention of a passionate man. Also married (I know I was an idiot). Said man is still in my life many years later and still living in the same house with his wife (who he’d initially told me he was planning to leave as he wasn’t attracted to her, they didn’t get on etc). We get on remarkably well. He is just friends now. It’s 💩 that I couldn’t have that it my life. Passion and chemistry. Everything.

I ended my marriage immediately btw. I acted with integrity at a huge cost to me - both financially and emotionally. For context…solicitor fees (£15k, mortgage - and I was mortgage free for years - for a smaller house as I lost the family home - £90k, moving costs £5k). I live alone now. Lonely and I have made some massive mistakes in my life.

Think carefully before you act - all that glitters is not gold and all that!!

I think a sex life is very important in a marriage.

I'm very glad to be with my husband, he's my perfect match I think.

Topically I am actually in the process of "splitting up" with a friend who has become a total prick and I think in part as a reaction to having picked a shit husband.

I’ve been with my husband for about 15 years and he is the most amazing person I’ve ever known. We are joyously happy together and he makes me feel wanted, loved, attractive but mostly I feel cherished. It’s a second marriage for both of us and we recognise how lucky we are to have each other. He’s a fabulous husband and father to our children and he will do whatever it takes to make us all as happy as he possibly can. Nothing is ever too much trouble for him and he’s amazingly talented at diy and can turn his hand to anything. We have never argued and just seem to be able to agree on most things without there ever being a need for conflict. I have a wonderful life with him and I am genuinely thankful for him being in my life.

Happy married old lady here.
We celebrated 51 years of wedded 'bliss', last year.
We have had many ups and downs, times when I thought we wouldn't last, but we did, and I am glad we did, because humour, kindness, a great sex life (once) not so much now, but it doesn't matter because we are both in unison about it, have made it all worthwhile.

I have to add though, I would advise anyone to get out of a bad marriage if it doesn't work....lifes too short to be miserable.

@NovemberMorn Unfortunately I don't think it's always that simple. I left an abusive marriage but the upshot was that I also ended up losing my two very young children half of the time. That's been incredibly tough.

Yes very happily married. Don’t get me wrong, life is tough (we have a disabled child who requires almost 24 hour care, plus 2 other children) but we always look out for each other and prioritise our relationship as much as we can. We can’t sleep in the same bed due to disabled child but we still manage a decent sex like (although not as much as we’d like) and we make time for each other. We’ve been married for 16 years.

Happily married here, he’s not perfect, but nor am I. I love him and he is my best friend, when anything happens, good, bad or otherwise he’s the first one I want to talk to about it. 10 years together, 8 years married, two small children, three house moves… its not always been easy but I’m glad he’s the one by my side.

Very happy. Been together 15 years, we are mid to late thirties. I believe he is my soul mate. We have challenges (disabled child) but we are strong . I still think he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.

I’m so sorry

17 years together, married about 10 and 2 very young kids.
We are happily married, if I could choose over again today I would choose him and all his actions allow me to believe the same is true for him.

Consider if you are genuinely unhappy enough with him specifically that you think separate would bring you genuine happiness, or if you need to put some effort into yourself and your own interests to bring up your happiness but within the relationship, or if there’s anything you can both address to make the relationship fulfilling on both sides.

Very, very happy.

I don’t think we’re unusual. Pretty much all our friends and family are in long term happy marriages.

Very happy. He's my best friend, we have a lot of fun together.

Me? No, currently going through a nasty divorce. I instigated it and have no regrets having been swept off my feet by an older (con) man in my early twenties.

My parents? They’ve been married over 30yrs and still seem really happy. They regularly go on day trips, holidays, etc just the two of them. They get on really well but I do think it helps that they didn’t have financial worries, childcare stress, etc throughout that time. No idea what their sex life is like 🫣

OP, you asked for both sides of the coin. Why? I get it’s reassuring to hear from others in your position, but why ask and then ignore the happier ones? Why not find out what rough periods they have been through and why? Or what improved their relationships?

Yes. Married 29 years now. DH recently had a heart bypass: I’ve never been so afraid as I was just before Christmas when I thought he might die and leave us.

Married for 46 years.
Best friends. Both retired.

Just to add, I kept staying for DC and thinking that marriages were hard work, everyone has rough spots, romance is a myth….theres a balance. Our rough patch lasted 7yrs and consisted of me bailing us out of whatever mess he’d got himself into.

I kept thinking it will get better when X happens, I’d make it happen and then something else needed sorting.

@milkandoatsand @NovemberMornyou both mention difficult times @milkandoatswhen you had young kids and @NovemberMornwhen you thought you wouldn’t last. How long did these phases last? How did you get through it?

DP and I do love each other and get on. I’m just as in love with him as I ever was - probably more so. But we have young kids and are struggling to find our sex life again. He says he is just so tired and he doesn’t mean “I need an early night” tired but just mentally and emotionally tired. I really want to believe we can get through it and get back where we were! But how do you know if it’s a bad patch or if it’s game over?

After a few years of dh gambling everything we had and drinking to excess at the weekends (as in 6 bottles of wine in the fridge on a Friday evening, with me getting two glasses and coming down at 8am on a Saturday to a drop of wine and a very pissed dh) things have very much settled down.

I contacted a solicitor re divorce etc.

In the last 5 years we have both become disabled, it's been bloody brutal but we both know we are each other's biggest champions.

I’m very happily married, together for five years first then now married for 16 years. We still really enjoy spending time together, I find him such an interesting person and I love his personality. I also love who he is as a father to our children, I love watching them together and feel he does share the workload equally with me in all things. I feel seen, respected, fancied and loved. He feels the same. We trust each other completely. We communicate well. We still have ups and downs but very happily married. I feel very lucky we have had so much time together already and normally underplay how happy we are when I’m around friends moaning about their spouses as I don’t want to make anyone feel bad…