Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

I'm so sorry OP, this sounds awful for you - especially if you're just getting rid of one monster!

Does this man have a job? Or is he involved in any sports clubs? If so I think you should find a way to notify them of this too. And also do what PP said re reporting it to the police. Because I'm afraid if the opportunity does ever present itself, he will likely act on his feelings.

I used to work at a sports club and knew of several teenage girls who were sexually assaulted by a 60+ year old man who was a "respected" and well-liked figure at the club. In fact he was a disgusting perv.

Have you actually dumped him?

I get that you might not immediately be able to move out but you should at the very least clearly end the relationship, define boundaries within your home stipulating separate beds etc and stay out of his way as much as possible whilst you sort out somewhere else to go.

You say your ex ‘is also a monster’. Find out about occupation orders, go to citizens advice, see a solicitor, anything, with the end result being you get back into your house and your ex out of it. Meanwhile stay in a hotel or family. Other options: short term lease on a cheap rental, room in a house share or lodge. Just get out of there asap

Some love to pile on, take from this thread the good advice many have given.

I agree his thoughts cannot be construed as harming anyone, we all have horrible thoughts from time to time, obviously not all as creepy as his, but his actual behaviour is very odd indeed.

Maybe uploading his perversions onto you made him feel better, but that's no answer.

He needs help, you need to get out of a horrible relationship.

Well there we disagree. There is no harm at all in voicing her knowledge to the police. Like I said, they may do nothing, but at least she has done all she can, and should. Snooping on his devices for evidence is fucking ridiculous and dangerous.

how disgusting of him to tell you this ? What good did he think it would do offloading this on to you ? honestly I’d be trying my hardest to get out of there asap even if it meant sleeping on a couch at a friends or family until I could get sorted with somewhere else to live

I dont understand why admission is a form of harm?

OK, if that's how you feel, then that's how you feel.

In my 20's, I was attracted to 20-30. In my 30's, I was attracted to 30-40. Now in my 50's, I am attracted to 50 something and my OH, who is 60. I have never found people a generation younger than me attractive. Not sexually and very much not mentally. I am aware I had nothing in common with these people either. It's shifted as I have got older who I fancy a shag with!

It was the same for my OH, at least that's what he admits to.

Why the fuck did you let your xh move back into your home, if there was DV involved in your divorce you could've blocked him from doing so even if he owned half the house.
Big mistake, l bet he will just sit and sit in the house, it is very easy put potential buyers off, could take years to get him out.

If I was in your situation my daughter would move heaven and earth to make me welcome in her home, and if in my younger years if my mother was also in this situation I would make sure she was with me and safe.
Please reach out to your family and explain the very genuine reasons why you need to leave asap.
Also maybe it might be worth making an online police report as you never know what this man might still be hiding as he is probably admitting to his life bit by bit to see your reactions before admitting the next thing, as he first admitted to liking a red head (albeit) on a 16 year old. Now he is admitting wanking to children younger than that, next he may admit something he has done, so personally I think you need to report him.
You also need support xx

Sorry didn't mean to quote.

I don't think the police can do anything about thoughts.

You don't think it’s harmful to tell someone you’re sexually attracted to children?? 😵‍💫😵‍💫🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I am so sorry that you are going through this, what a devastating shock it must have been especially with all the vile detalls he told you. I don't doubt he got some sort of perverse kick out of telling you, not that me saying this will make you feel in any way better. None of this is in any way your fault, we can only know what a person chooses to tell us.

For what, exactly ?

At the very least, to absolve OP of the guilt he’s put on her by disclosing his fucking sordid vile secret 😵‍💫

He was extremely unwise to talk to you about it, but you did ask.

I am perpetually surprised by the fact that some people are surprised that men find sexually attractive fertile females sexually attractive.

Age does not stop the fundamentals of human sexuality and sexual attraction.

There’s a difference between sexually attractive fertile females and fertile children. The latter of which, most men do not find sexually attractive.

That's not a function the police can help with. A priest is what you're looking for there.

No it's not fucking ridiculous in the slightest, this is her partner, a man who has expressed sexual interest in minors. There's a huge chance he's got porn in his devices, and guess what type of porn? If you go to the police and tell them your partner has told you he "likes teens" the police will do nothing, if you go to the police and tell them you have found underage porn in your partners tech device than man is toast. Personally I would look into his devices (while making sure he doesn't know) and check because I would not trust this man the slightest and would like to know if he's a pedo and children are being hurt.

If you own 50% of your home that's up for sale, maybe you can talk to your bank about a loan that would tide you over to rent until the sale goes through. Also you need to put pressure on your ex to speed up the sale if you think he's dragging his feet.
You shouldn't feel guilty. And you should maybe talk to CABs for advice re. short term accommodation. I'd be on AirBnB looking for somewhere right now in your position. I'd probably also be warning him that if in the future I heard one breath of trouble he had caused any child I'd be straight to the police.

The police won't be interested as as far as anyone is aware he hasn't commited any crime.

He could be eyeing up 2 year olds and going home for a wank about them, and this still wouldn't be a crime.

Disgustingly gross, but not criminal.

Get on the housing list and be saving for rent/deposit on a flat.
Also I personally would report him online to the police. Driving near schools doing indecent things in his car definitely is illegal. Give his reg number and all his information. Maybe they will atleast give him a warning. He should be locked up . What a scum bag .

I can't help but marvel at the naivete of anyone thinking this is unusual. Most men are too devious/smart to admit it or be caught so easily at the public lechery.

Do not go to the police unless you have reason the think he has done something wrong. Thinking his disgusting thoughts about girls and masturbating over them, while vile to think about, is not illegal..

It's the worst ick imaginable and I would walk away sharpish in your shoes.

If your ex DH is "horrible" and your new partner is attracted to children then you need to go to therapy and figure out what attracts you to these men.