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Original poster

Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

473 replies

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 10:30

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
BeaRightThere · 10/02/2026 13:37

Whattodo1610 · 10/02/2026 13:12

Well there we disagree. There is no harm at all in voicing her knowledge to the police. Like I said, they may do nothing, but at least she has done all she can, and should. Snooping on his devices for evidence is fucking ridiculous and dangerous.

Show quote history

Her knowledge is that a man is attracted to teenage girls and sometimes fantasises about them. It's distasteful but it's not illegal. There's nothing to suggest he's done anything. I

Whattodo1610 · 10/02/2026 13:38

Minjou · 10/02/2026 13:24

That's not a function the police can help with. A priest is what you're looking for there.

Show quote history

No a priest is not what I’m looking for. Police is what I’m looking for, thanks.

BeaRightThere · 10/02/2026 13:39

Imdunfer · 10/02/2026 13:21

He was extremely unwise to talk to you about it, but you did ask.

I am perpetually surprised by the fact that some people are surprised that men find sexually attractive fertile females sexually attractive.

Age does not stop the fundamentals of human sexuality and sexual attraction.

Same

allthingsinmoderation · 10/02/2026 13:39

Im sorry you are going through this.
Your gut is telling you to run. Please listen.

Whattodo1610 · 10/02/2026 13:40

toiletpaperthief · 10/02/2026 13:24

No it's not fucking ridiculous in the slightest, this is her partner, a man who has expressed sexual interest in minors. There's a huge chance he's got porn in his devices, and guess what type of porn? If you go to the police and tell them your partner has told you he "likes teens" the police will do nothing, if you go to the police and tell them you have found underage porn in your partners tech device than man is toast. Personally I would look into his devices (while making sure he doesn't know) and check because I would not trust this man the slightest and would like to know if he's a pedo and children are being hurt.

Edited
Show quote history

It is fucking ridiculous and dangerous that you advise a woman to go snooping through a device where she can likely find and view illegal abusive content. That’s fucking ridiculous! It’s not underage porn by the way, it’s child abuse.

SweetcornFritter · 10/02/2026 13:40

Are there any heterosexual men who aren’t (deep down) sexually attracted to teenage girls I wonder? Most wouldn’t dare admit it of course.

Carzycat · 10/02/2026 13:42

He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??

the above qualification concerns me - as though he might consider he could act on his fantasies without harming them.

https://www.stopitnow.org.uk maybe able to provide some advice ora listening ear.

Stop It Now - Preventing child sexual abuse

Our anonymous helpline, email and chat services are here for anyone with concerns about child sexual abuse and how to prevent it.

https://www.stopitnow.org.uk

Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

says the one calling a stranger a bellend? Sounds like you’re the one sorely lacking in maturity.. pathetic

OP posts:
rainbowunicorn22 · 10/02/2026 13:45

you need to get out, ring Women's Aid even if you go to a hostel or refuge you need to do it in the short term rather than stay where you are.
if he will listen he needs to get help obviously such as the Dr or for you both Stop It now will listen to you or him
i agree its an awful thing to have to face but its not your problem its his and you need to keep yourself safe move away from him
sending a big hug

StopWindingBobStopWinding · 10/02/2026 13:46

If he is masturbating while driving, whether the child he’s thinking about is 13 or 16, surely anyone on the pavement can see him, which is indecent exposure at least, an actual offence. This is a very short step from deliberate flashing, which is a precursor to much worse. I don’t see any good reason not to report him to police so he can be dealt with before he causes harm. I can’t believe the dangers of escalation for thrills are still so little understood. Of course he needs to be reported.

RavelsDancer · 10/02/2026 13:47

Chameleonchange · 10/02/2026 10:45

I'm sorry but if you say you have limited options atm as regard housing that means you must have some options, even if they are less than ideal.
This situation is not your fault but you really need to remove yourself from this man.

He is in his 60s and has a whole life time behind him and you have absolutely no idea whether he has acted on his disgusting fantasies in the past .

Yes, cut him off, keep yourself safe and maybe alert someone. Not going to the police or anything like that, but make someone in HIS life aware, maybe. Preferably a woman, not a guy. I have never bought the "would never act on XYZ etc etc".

Minjou · 10/02/2026 13:47

rainbowunicorn22 · 10/02/2026 13:45

you need to get out, ring Women's Aid even if you go to a hostel or refuge you need to do it in the short term rather than stay where you are.
if he will listen he needs to get help obviously such as the Dr or for you both Stop It now will listen to you or him
i agree its an awful thing to have to face but its not your problem its his and you need to keep yourself safe move away from him
sending a big hug

Refuges are not for women in this situation . there's not enough room for women fleeing serious domestic violence, FFS.

Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 13:48

Lmnop22 · 10/02/2026 13:06

Have you actually dumped him?

I get that you might not immediately be able to move out but you should at the very least clearly end the relationship, define boundaries within your home stipulating separate beds etc and stay out of his way as much as possible whilst you sort out somewhere else to go.

Of course! I was asking for advice regarding the housing situation and merely wanting some moral support but it turned into a pile on but my bad for expecting anything else

OP posts:
Minjou · 10/02/2026 13:49

Whattodo1610 · 10/02/2026 13:38

No a priest is not what I’m looking for. Police is what I’m looking for, thanks.

Show quote history

I cannot tell you how much you are mistaken. We don't prosecute people for their thoughts.

Rhubarb24 · 10/02/2026 13:49

I don't know if you're the same age as him, or whether or not you have grandkids, but my mum is 63 and I have teenage kids, so it's possible. Her husband was 64 last month and the thought of him, or any of their mates, getting off over kids younger than my younger child is sickening.

You need to tell your children. If my mum was in this situation, I'd want to help her get out of there. If they have girls that have been around him, be prepared.

If your house isn't selling then you need to lower the price to get it sold.

Then you need to sort out your debt and your self-esteem before getting with another bloke.

You're in a shit situation but you need to do everything you can to sort it out and to not get into another shitty situation with another monster.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 10/02/2026 13:49

OP while you are waiting for the house to sell, how long are you realistically going to be waiting? Is the house under offer? Is your exH actually selling it or just stalling as now he’s got you out and the house to himself?

is your divorce going through or are you still waiting on that too? Would your exH buy you out?

When you say your exH is a “monster” - what do you mean? Could you live with him or is he violent? It’s your house too.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/02/2026 13:52

Not sure why this thread is so weird...
Ignoring anything else.

Here's what to do

  1. You need to call 101 and report the disclosure he has made

NOTE: they will do nothing with it as no crime has beem committed but if / when he does the fact you have filed this will be helpful to the police / his victim.
I dated a total loon for all of 10 mins and ended up filing a report / comments (i forget the name) woth the police judt to help the next poor idiot who got involved with him.

  1. You obvs need to never have sex with him again and start process of moving out ASAP.

Spareroom.com might be a good place to look. a lot of people rent room to lodgers and Low deposits required, lodging is cheaper than private rental equiv, bills are included
..its more flexible than private rental....so you can take your time to find somewhere more permanent

365RubyRed · 10/02/2026 13:52

Please @MorrisHer ignore the unhelpful posts and concentrate on finding yourself somewhere else to live asap. If you were my mum, my friend or my sister, I would be more than willing to put you up. It's not going to be longterm, the house will sell eventually, but you need to be physically away from this horrible man.

Hellohelga · 10/02/2026 13:52

It’s not your fault. You didn’t know, but now you do. Move back in with exH if you’ve nowhere else to go. At least he’s not a paedo.

Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 13:57

Hellohelga · 10/02/2026 13:52

It’s not your fault. You didn’t know, but now you do. Move back in with exH if you’ve nowhere else to go. At least he’s not a paedo.

Thank you for your advice … he’s a 54 year old man currently with a 23 year old … I’d rather sleep on the street.

OP posts:
Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 13:57

365RubyRed · 10/02/2026 13:52

Please @MorrisHer ignore the unhelpful posts and concentrate on finding yourself somewhere else to live asap. If you were my mum, my friend or my sister, I would be more than willing to put you up. It's not going to be longterm, the house will sell eventually, but you need to be physically away from this horrible man.

Bless you and thank you … 🙏

OP posts:
Hellohelga · 10/02/2026 13:58

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 11:42

13/14 year olds 😢 it’s sick beyond words .. please don’t tell me all men are like this because I refuse to believe it .. a few posts are creeping in defending him

Show quote history

All men are NOT like this. My DH sees teenage girls (and young adult girls) and thinks of our DD and her friends. He sees young women full of plans, dreams, ambitions. Fucking and wanking are the LAST things in his mind.

Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 13:58

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/02/2026 13:52

Not sure why this thread is so weird...
Ignoring anything else.

Here's what to do

  1. You need to call 101 and report the disclosure he has made

NOTE: they will do nothing with it as no crime has beem committed but if / when he does the fact you have filed this will be helpful to the police / his victim.
I dated a total loon for all of 10 mins and ended up filing a report / comments (i forget the name) woth the police judt to help the next poor idiot who got involved with him.

  1. You obvs need to never have sex with him again and start process of moving out ASAP.

Spareroom.com might be a good place to look. a lot of people rent room to lodgers and Low deposits required, lodging is cheaper than private rental equiv, bills are included
..its more flexible than private rental....so you can take your time to find somewhere more permanent

Edited

Bless you, great advice and thank you for not joining the pile on or kicking a dog when it’s down 🌷

OP posts:
Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 14:00

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 10/02/2026 13:49

OP while you are waiting for the house to sell, how long are you realistically going to be waiting? Is the house under offer? Is your exH actually selling it or just stalling as now he’s got you out and the house to himself?

is your divorce going through or are you still waiting on that too? Would your exH buy you out?

When you say your exH is a “monster” - what do you mean? Could you live with him or is he violent? It’s your house too.

It’s under offer and EH is a violent bully dating a young woman in her 20s so moving back isn’t just isn’t possible

OP posts:
bananafake · 10/02/2026 14:00

Goldfsh · 10/02/2026 11:42

The context around your argument is the issue - and your relationship overall.

It was entirely normal for men of that age to be brought up with the idea that teenage girls were wank fodder/attractive - as any light reading of 1980s novels will show you (I'm currently on a Jilly Cooper where men in their 30s and 40s are bidding for a local girl on her 16th birthday. This was light humour at the time.) Sam Fox was 15 when she was photographed for Page 3. No one objected. So that in itself wouldn't phase me at all.

It's only very recently that this has become horrifying to us. The bigger issue for me are your feelings of disquiet and your arguing. Those are the things that need the focus here, IMO.

What do you mean no-one objected. Lots of women hated page 3 and the younger the women the worse it was. I couldn’t do much about it but I certainly found it disgusting.

13/14 year olds is just revolting. I remember being drooled over by men in their 50s at that age and it totally turned my stomach. We shouldn’t normalise it because it wasn’t universally condemned in the past. We should be doing better and universally condemning it now. I can’t believe anyone is minimising this kind of thing.

OP seriously you’d be much better off living with one of your children for a while. I’m sure they’d understand. You wouldn’t think twice about accommodating them if necessary. I think living with monster A has reduced your resilience. But really living with this guy will diminish your self esteem even further. If he feels bold enough to tell you about it God knows what he might do in private. I had a guy in his 40s try and molest me when I was 15. It really affected me.

I would also tell the police. You never know if he might do something in the future and your statement would support the victim.