Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

@Carla786 I understand what you mean here but ot should be remembered that most Gen Z girls (I'm Gen Z) get their period around 11-12. I was 10, and as I said upthread most of my friends were similar. I knew people who were getting approached in countries like Greece at age 11.

Men aren't attracted to women on the basis of whether they have periods. There is no way for men to know whether women are having periods.

Even if a child aged 11 - 12 is having periods, they still very clearly look like a child and obviously it is not normal for men to have an attraction to children.

The people you know who were "approached" at age 11 were "approached" by paedophiles.

A woman in her later teenage years will generally look like an actual woman. It shouldn't come as a surprise that men would be attracted to those women, given that there is data to show that men find women aged 20 - 22 most attractive.

She said in a previous thread that he was perving on a girl that looked to be sixteen right in front of her back in mid November last year.

Had you moved in with him by that point
OP? Because you were talking about throwing him back like it was no big deal at the time.

I agree on that : people going through puberty at early ages generally won't look older than they are. I did know people when I was 11 who could have passed for around 14, but certainly no older than that.

WRT your housing.

You say your ex is a ‘monster’. Is there a record of reported abuse by him? If so I am wondering if you can get some kind of order against him bring in the house.

Otherwise if there is any history of abuse I will see if Women’s Aid can help and refer you for emergency temporary housing?

Nature isn’t stupid. Once females of any species are capable of bearing offspring, nature goes to work.

I suspect most men are secretly attracted to teenage girls. I remember being in a beer garden one hot summer evening while my FIL (in his 60s) stared at a 13-year- old girl in tight shorts. The worst thing was that he was a good man - kind, soft with animals, loyal to his wife, etc. I have experienced so many incidents like that - men I thought were good leering at teenagers, being caught viewing indecent images, grooming underage girls online, etc. Time and again I have been bitterly disappointed.

I’m afraid I no longer trust any man around teenage girls. For every man who is caught, how many get away with it? I bet there is a potential abuser in every street. It’s only lack of opportunity, the danger of prosecution or the fear of being shamed/ostracised that stops them.

Hi op
.I work in a related field to online child abuse and id like to warn you thst you need to get away from this man.

He may take further steps and you need to get away.

He is probably watching child abuse material online. You can check out a website called Lucy faithful foundation...its for anyone who is worried about the sexual behaviour of another person.

Makes my skin crawl. The world would be a much better place without these repugnant, rotten old men.

I'm thinking similar.

OP, my concern is there could come a point when you're viewed as guilty by association. If (god forbid) he is already on the radar of the police, and you're living with him, accusations may be made against you. You have no idea if he has history, or if he's flagged and under surveillance.

I do not know what to do about your housing situation, but you need to safeguard yourself from him and the information he has told you.

When you're in a better headspace, seek support. PPs have linked you to some good sources. Don't be a bystander in your own life. You've been through it (judging by the some of your comments) and you're still standing. You've raised children. You are a strong woman. You've got this!

Charming post 🤮

BTW, are you a man?

The young are beautiful of course they are. However we are not animals led by our nature. Society should not endorse or encourage these old men leering at teensge girls. Young girls should be with young men in healthy mutually supportive relationships. Old men should stay the fuck away from them. You had your chance to be with teenage girls - when you were a teenager too. Men need to accept this. Like women have.

I'm afraid I agree...it's far more common than we want to think.

I read a piece by the alt right Substacker Walt Bismarck a while ago about early puberty in girls. Now he's a highly unpleasant character, but I think his piece does have a certain amount of 'saying the quiet part out loud' about men, bluntly stating things far more men probably agree with, unfortunately, but don't say. I don't agree with his opinions on women.

Quote : Girls are getting their periods and developing boobs 1-3 years earlier than they “should be” biologically. But they can’t psychologically handle the stresses of incipient womanhood (menstruation, intrasexual competition, sexual attention from men) because they still have the mind of a little girl.
But most men aren’t going to touch this with a ten foot pole, because whenever you point out this phenomenon around normies you inevitably get some woman going “WELL MEN SHOULDN’T BE LOOKING AT YOUNG GIRLS ANYWAY” and implying you’re a pedophile for even talking about this. Men are extremely afraid of being called pedophiles, so this shuts down all discussion.
Most of these women are just reacting to their own adolescent trauma in an unproductive way, and I have a lot of sympathy for them. But this kind of censorious impulse is incredibly toxic and doesn’t help young girls at all.
A lot of girls complain about creepy looks from their friend’s dad at a pool party. Suspiciously few of them wonder if anyone says the same thing about their own dad.'

It's true that men are more likely biologically to be drawn to youth than women are (as shuggles noted). But as you say, that's no reason for them to refuse to accept basic decency & behave in a creepy way.

Even if true they do not masturbate whilst driving past and they do not tell their female partner they do it. This is some sort of test to see what reaction he gets. The whole situation is disturbing.

I remember seeing a programme on the girls who posed for these photos. Some were seemingly well adjusted students, still teenagers tho, which is where the market was. But I remember being really surprised that the photographer was a woman. And I’m sure this was done so the young girls would relax and their poses seem more natural and attractive.

It says it all that they realised men don’t want to see vulnerable young women looking at older men (like them) who would be taking their photograph in a vulnerable state. They would look uncomfortable, nervous, possibly even a little scared. The only way to achieve a false, inauthentic happy and ‘carefree’ (pleasing) pose was to use other (older) women. So gross in so many ways.

Can’t believe it took so fucking long to stop.

Haven't RTFT but just want to add that Lucy Faithfull Foundation might be helpful.

It’s not meant to be charming, just factual. This is basic biology. No, I’m not a man. Are you?

I have Asperger’s myself but would never used it as an excuse to bully anybody on here or in real life.

Nor would I come on here purely to point the finger and make holier than thou pious statements .. this is an advice forum or at least it should be .. if you’d read my post you would see the relationship is over and I was asking for advice concerning housing issues etc ..I’m on the brink of being homeless and yet you STILL continue to beat me down .. your comments are NOT helpful and not wanted!

@MorrisHer you aren’t on the brink of being homeless, you have a house you can move back into. Anything is better than staying where you are.

"I shall not be engaging again with the most unpleasant person I’ve had the misfortune to engage with."
I think this is a good decision. Please don't reply to any negative comments.

What may be useful is for you to reply to the many comments askoing about your current situation. How did your (ex)BF react when you told him that you were ending the relationship because he's admitted being a pedo? Are you safe?

Thanks Gilles and yes, I’m safe thank you for asking … won’t be able to post anything til later tonight as I’m working but I’ve had a breakthrough with finding somewhere to stay .. . thanks for your concern x