Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

Yeah I've made plenty of mistakes... never moved in with someone who finds teen girls attractive and who insults me though...

Oh for goodness sake. It was quite obvious OP meant he was driving home and THEN did the MB...once he got home.

If were you, I would log off now. It's ridiculous that people are either picking apart every word you have written, or haven't read the thread properly and keep going on about things that have already been explained.

The majority of posters here sympathise greatly with you, and there are some good suggestions to where you may find help.

Don't let the negative posts and posters, some of whom are downright nasty, overshadow the posters who genuinely wish you all the best.

Thanks for letting me know 😆

Very apt username. 🙄

You referred to him as your boyfriend, not your ex in the thread title. Is your relationship with him over? If so, why does he still allow you to live in his house?

You’re absolutely spot on .. don’t feed the troll and all that .. thank you for your kind words and your advice .. 🌷

Honestly it’s ridiculous.. trolls poring over my every single word and syllable trying to trip me up .. it’s so bloody odd!!!!

Sorry everyone is being horrid!

Have you thought about getting a job with accommodation included? Live in carer or housekeeper?

Care agencies are always advertising.

Things will get better soon, focus on your exit strategy

Hardly... that refers to my autism. I may massively lack the ability to pick up social clue but I'd still not move in with a pervert who insults me who the whole of MN advised me to leave months ago...

Any tech you have if it's possible to get checked as you don't know what he's been looking at.
Ditch the creature and move on.
His shame is not yours.

at least OP could reply to questions about your financial situation and ableness to move out...you've been stuck like a turkey in a trap, reacting to replies but disregarding the people who want to assist you practically

Asking a couple of perfectly reasonable questions is not poring over your every word and trying to trip you up.

Hang on, are we talking about 13-15 year olds?

I don't like that logic at all. What qualifies as 'sexually mature' here? I was menstruating and wearing a bra at 10, and I was nowhere near sexually mature. A friend was the same (many were) and getting approached when returning home to Greece on holiday at 11.

Puberty is getting earlier on average, esp for Gen Z (I'm Gen Z). Saying it's normal for men to be attracted to 'sexually mature' girls seems very uncomfortable to me.

Yes, I agree, sadly...

When Lolita came out, it 's shocking to see how many male critics talked like it was a romantic love story almost. The reception of the films was disturbing too.. 70s was definitely a minefield of this with Brooke Shields, Jodie Foster being presented sexually etc

Knowing a few police people, they could tell you where the nonces are. They keep an eye on them. They can tell you not to let your kids run around naked on the beach because certain ice cream sellers are around! They know and keep an eye on. They also use information to build cases. Op doesn’t know if anyone else has reported him before but it all has to begin somewhere. He may or may not have acted one this, op doesn’t know, but reporting it to the police isn’t going to harm op and she’ll have done her best to protect young children!

On a side note, how anyone thought the man was driving whilst masterbating is beyond me, everyone knows men can’t multitask and he’d have to be driving an automatic!!

For all the talk of how many men are secret paedophiles, they're still the ones who get beaten up in prison.

OP, I think a few people have asked you how he's taking you living there after having dumped him and while you've had a lot to say to various posters, you haven't told us this. It would be useful information as it might affect your eligibility for emergency accommodation. Do we take it that you are safe?

Aren't the ones who get beaten up more likely to have abused prepubescent children? Are ones who groomed teenage girls looked at in the same way?

I hope so but I'm not sure..

I think what concerns me the most is that if he acted on these feelings whilst you were with him, he could quite easily drag you and your reputation through the mud for being with him. Things look much better for you if you get out asap.. maybe even report it?

I don't know. I'd imagine 13 years old is enough, it's certainly sick.

Hopefully...

I understand what you mean here but ot should be remembered that most Gen Z girls (I'm Gen Z) get their period around 11-12. I was 10, and as I said upthread most of my friends were similar. I knew people who were getting approached in countries like Greece at age 11.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=hsph.harvard.edu/news/menstrual-periods-are-arriving-earlier-for-younger-generations-especially-among-racial-minority-and-lower-income-individuals/&ved=2ahUKEwjTmrLs5M-SAxWhUkEAHa7hE3wQFnoECBoQAQ&usg=AOvVaw033EUU9-FIYl1TyX334lis

So my point is that 'much younger girls' now are very likely NOT to be prepubescent. They may well be wearing bras, menstruating etc. That does NOT make it any more acceptable to perve over them, obviously.

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.

It’s easy to be fooled by people until you really get to know them and their true colours.

You’ve just been really unlucky.

Be proud that you’re not minimising his behaviour (many would), and that you’ll be ditching the creep as soon as you can get your housing situation sorted.

Ps. Stop feeding the trolls, they’ll just keep biting.

Why? It’s simple biology.

What is? Being attracted to 13-15 year olds?

You presumably don't mean (I hope) that being attracted to 10-12 year old who've started puberty is 'simple biology'?