Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

OK - i have read most of the thread

@MorrisHer you need to move away from both MN and this guys.
Whether you go to your ex where (I think you still part own the house) or out to a bedsit or anything, you cant stay with him

You will not get the support here, as most people are fixating on the "why are you still with a lech" and you are asking for help, just not as quick as some think you should be. I mean that kindly.

I think a lot of men are like this. At least your guy was honest about it OP. Although you'd have much rather not heard his admission I'm sure.

And for God's sake don't touch any surface in his car until it's had a full Dettol wipedown. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

You need to leave him and get a claires law done on him and also i would report him to the police and hopefully they will take you seriously as i bet 99% he has images of under 18 on his laptop and phone , and you also dont know he hasnt acted on it of isnt grooming girls online,

Oh OP, it certainly looks you know how to pick a wrong’un! It does sound like this guy is about as disgusting as you can get without being illegal.

It is possible to live separately under the same roof but it’s not easy. Do not blur any lines - sleep separately, shop and eat individually. This is now purely a financial transaction, pay rent, contribute to utilities get an official lodger agreement in place. Emotionally concentrate on your headspace, work on a plan to get to where you want to be and don’t let your exes drag you down to the depths they choose to exist in

If the BF was in his 20s or even early 30s possibly.. but here is a man old enough to be their Grandad, where on earth is his self worth and standards??

In the gutter.

There is also the issue that he is going home to wank off thinking of them, thats quite different from a passing thought, he is realy just one stage away from acting out his fantasies.

I've every sympathy for the OP, no one knows what sort of man they are getting mixed up with, shameful so many are having a go at her, the only person in the wrong is this arsehole of a man.

Lucy Faithfull Foundation for support for both of you.

Simple solution would be to inform the police. If he has a computer or phone, need to check them, check against outstanding reports, DNA test, check for previous allegations that went nowhere - and he's unlikely to be able to return to the house whilst that's all going on.

Gets him out of the house whilst you're sorting out somewhere to go.

I'm just waiting for the thread in another three months to say she's still with him but he's now been charged with something...

Would women's aid or refuge be able to help you with temporary accommodation. Both men sound mentally abusive. Also it would give you someone to speak to regarding what you've been through (xh) and what the monster ( boyfriend) has told you.

Of course you can. That doesn't make sense - sorry. I understand that they have their own lives etc, but if its a choice between living with a paedophile or living with one of the your own children temporarily, surely it's a no-brainer?

OP, I haven't posted on here for ages but felt compelled to reply after seeing the disgusting way you're been treated by some on here.
Many posters have been helpful but those who have commented without reading and understanding your full explanation should seriously have a look at themselves. Would they act like that in the real world and even discuss the semantics of 63 yr old man MB over 13/14 Yr old or is 16/17 Yr old ok? Wtaf.
He is sick and probably has illegal stuff on his phone and laptop
OP please reach out to local Women's aid or shelter organisations. You may be in danger if he even suspects you might report him. Get way ASAP, be safe then report if you can.
I know you said you didn't want to trouble your children but you should reach out to them too as you will probably find they will take you in till the house is sold and may be upset to find out later that they could have helped you if you'd asked.
Also speak to friends as again maybe they can help even if you end up sofa surfing for a while at least you'll be safe.
Simply put get out immediately.
Stay strong and best wishes💐

Run a Sarah’s Law and tell the police why you are doing it so it is formally on record

Why did you say he said “when he was driving home” and then change your mind?

I didn’t make myself clear! What is this? Are you implying I’m lying? Don’t even go there!

@MorrisHer During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.

Not really an issue. Age of consent is 16. If his attraction is to young women who look like women, then this is normal for men. The overwhelming majority of men have functional brains and ethics, and know not to act on the attraction if it's not appropriate.

If he's talking about much younger girls that are pre-pubescent, and who do not look like grown women, that absolutely is not normal and that would be much more concerning.

He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??

So he's said he's not going to do anything, which is good. The question then is whether or not you trust him.

I'm not sure how an admission is a form of harm. That logic seems a bit bizarre and I don't really follow it.

Weird comment .. glad your life is so exciting you’re waiting with bated breath for my next traumatic instalment… embarrassing

Does your Local Authority have a housing advice department? If so, perhaps go there and explain your circumstances in full, boyfriend’s disclosure, pending house sale, debts, and ask if they can help you with temporary emergency accommodation.

That’s not just not making yourself clear. You said it was one thing then you said it wasn’t. I wondered why.

No. What's embarrassing is posting not even three months ago that your boyfriend had offended you about your looks - cue I don't know how many people telling you that after four months this behaviour was unacceptable and you should leave (and that's without mentioning the red flag comment about his eyes lighting up upon seeing a sixteen year old girl) and yet STILL MOVING IN WITH HIM

No the post is lengthy and was typed quickly .. I didn’t change my mind .. it wasn’t clear in the first instance what I meant .. what is this? Am I under oath? Weird question.. It happened , I’m not a fantasist and maybe do something more constructive than poring over my every word trying to trip me up! Odd!

No what’s embarrassing is you skulking in the shadows ready to pounce and troll somebody that’s asking for support and advice .. have you never made a mistake in your life? Clearly you’re as perfect as can be judging by your ridiculous pious post, of course I made a mistake my moving in with him and giving him the benefit of the doubt.. show me a woman that hasn’t made an error of judgment when it comes to a man.. it doesn’t make me a criminal it makes me human .. I didn’t ask for your judgement and don’t appreciate you trying to make me out to be a liar. Most unpleasant.

That makes no sense. You added the whole bit about driving in a car because your post was long and you typed fast?
The reason I wanted it clarified was because I was going to say that sounds very much like he might have actually been looking at kids at the time, not accusing you of making anything up.

Unfortunately, a lot of men, maybe most, will be attracted to teenage girls. Fortunately, most will never act on it - and never even admit to it, which is probably for the best.

If he's ogling them in public then I'm not surprised you're disgusted. Don't feel bad if you have to stay until you can sort alternative accomodation. None of this is your fault.

No I omitted where the actual deed happened .. it looked as though it happened in the car but it happened at home as a result of seeing the girls whilst driving home! God this is ridiculous..