Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

No because it never happened.

Bless you and yeah! It’s been horrific! I came here for kindness and advice regarding my living situation which resulted in the vilest cruelest pile on and has left me feeling like I’ve been fired out of a cannon!

Fucking vile, I don't know how you can stand to be in the same room as him, but then I was a victim of a man like him and know exactly how repulsive they are and how much damage they do, despite a few posters seeming keen to normalise it.

The OP is not the paedophile here, and she came on to ask for advice about how to cope with this awful situation while she tries to find somewhere else to live.

You don't kick someone when they're down. You particularly don't join in with all the other people doing the kicking.

You didn't know, don't for one second blame yourself.
The fact that you are appalled and disgusted and have immediately ended the relationship says alot.
Horrible thing to happen btw xxxx

Sweetie please ignore the vile comments on here. They would never say it to your face if you asked for help. Some people just suck

anyway, now probably is the time to lean on your kids. Be honest and I’m sure they will swift you out of there asap.
have a look at a joining a pet/house sitting website and think about signing up. I’ve used them myself for years for holidays and I’ve just advertised for someone to cat sit at my daughters for a month. Maybe you could use one of your kids as a ‘base’ and nomad around pet sitting for a bit.

you’re in an awful and unfair situation but there will be an end. Without sounding flippant, it’s one of those “here we bloody go again” situations that seem to pile on us women.

love from someone twice divorced, a million dramas, and now magnificently single and at peace with life. I wish this for you too x

Have I? Where? Don’t make things up now! You’re a bully and you’ve been called out on it! You’ve made yourself look bad enough .. don’t add to the pile by lying now on top of bullying .. I’d never take advice from you if you were the last person on earth! Leave this conversation and don’t return!

I agree they’ve troll hunted and dog piled you. But to be fair you’ve fully engaged back, and (say thanking those who expressed sympathy), you have not answered the reasonable posts with much useful information, so it’s hard to help.

We really need to know how the paedophile is reacting and responding to you leaving over his confession, to know whether it’s safe for you to stay in his house. What has he been saying? What is his opinion on you separating?

what happened to your previous house money and do you have an income now? Why not buying a studio flat

right....what is happening with your divorce...and your 50% of life assets. Fuck this f pedophile and go live your life. You seem to got money. What would happen if you moved in with a friend but her adult son needs now to return home and she chucks you out. Not a massive difference. You just made it sound impossible. You are grown woman

I am not piling on you for what kind of man he is. Leave that bizarre weirdo to himself and hopefully his wicked fantasies will stay in his mind and body only, won't need cross over in real life.

what about your life as a grown woman, because you still have life in front of you and surely relying on friends, partners or any other such person's housing is not a decision a serious adult woman would take.

are you mentally immature and need boundaries......you need a lot of healing and counselling done

What do you need help with? You leave and never get in contact with him again. It’s not difficult.

Sorry I’m not in the right head space right now to respond in the manner you’d like me to .. it’s been quite the pile on and to add that on top of the prospect of finding out.my boyfriend is a paedophile and the prospect of homelessness is pretty horrific and all too much to bear to be honest.
im grateful beyond words for the support I’ve been shown by so many .. it’s not easy to make a stand and speak out when so many are engaging in a relentless pile-on but so many of you did and I appreciate you so much. Right now for my own mental health I’m going to check out but I’ll respond to when I feel able to but right now my head is in a very dark place… thank you for those who showed me kindness on what has been a hellish experience and one that I’ll learn from and never ever made myself so vulnerable I’ll be at the mercy of so many rotten individuals just waiting in the shadows ready to attack .

but why??? Where is your life money....? Where is your work? Are you taking a wage?

a peek of my life story....it was another country and we were getting ready to get married, but he would not make the decision. He had the wage, I did not. I literally was away and far from parents, friends, anyone. Literally got myself aupair family here for one week, took a plane with 0 money on my name and 20 years later I have got everything in the UK

Are we talking about 16+ ? Or younger? Imo those are 2 very different things.

Do whatever you need to do in this situation, sometimes Mumsnet loves to kick people when they’re down.

It’s not a case of you not responding how I’d like: originally, you were requesting advice on how to deal with the fact you a still living with your self confessed pervert ex. But we have absolutely no information to determine whether it’s safe for you because we’ve heard almost nothing about what the pervert thinks.

Your safety is paramount right now: your ex has just confessed to an illegal sexual tendency. You basically have potential criminal information on him, which makes you very vulnerable should he chose to threaten you etc.

Take care, and seek support from real life organisations who won’t dog pile you.

In 1500s it was acceptable for a teenager to marry & have it consummated at 14. It's gross and no adult man should ever act on it, obviously,, but sadly I think it's a lot more common than we women want to think.

Ugh referring to girls as fertile as if that's the main driver and not the fact that men just fail outright to control themselves. Just because you fancy a 'fertile' 14 year old or even an 18 year old doesn't mean you're compelled to wank over them.

Your skin must be crawling every time you think about him OP. All the best and I hope you're able to put permanent distance between you and him asap.

Yes it was more acceptable but back then the life expectancy was just above 40 and most were working from much earlier than 10. The proportion of young women dying in childbirth was huge. But I agree with you, there are cultures where the above still applies and girls are married much younger than they should.

I thought that was a myth?

Googling, this blog seems annoying but correct to say that the clock was a small thing, not in any bigpaper (still horrible though)

https://graunwatch.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/the-truth-about-that-charlotte-church-countdown-clock-guest-post-by-heresy-corner/

Agree