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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

473 replies

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 10:30

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
CactusPeach · 10/02/2026 15:55

I think you're being a bit hard on yourself, his thoughts do not mean anything about yo, you can't be expected to have mind read that he has these thoughts or to anticipate something that is completely incomprehensible to you. In hindsight, you can look at that comment about the redhead and see he may have been attracted to her because of her age too but at the time you didn't know that context.

I really agree with others that you need to spend a good amount of time without any men, creating a calm and peaceful life for yourself, gaining confidence in yourself and letting your nervous system relax from the spikes of adrenaline that these relationships give you (from stress not thrills).

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/02/2026 15:56

Minjou · 10/02/2026 15:49

Do people think the police keep files of non criminal allegations on people, just in case they later commit a crime? You think if you call the police to report what someone thinks about, they'll write it down and keep it?

It's not the fecking Stasi.

Show quote history

Yes.
I do think that because they can.
They are generally recorded as Non-crime incidents / Intelligence

dairydebris · 10/02/2026 15:58

redjeans28 · 10/02/2026 15:52

You've had multiple posts deleted now. I think you need to back off from the OP. I don't know what's making you so aggressive but you're taking it out on the wrong person.

Show quote history

There is absolutely nothing aggressive in what I've written. Rather, the OP has called me multiple names. I haven't called her names once. She stayed with him after he made it clear he was a creep. That needs looking at. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear. Have at it.

redjeans28 · 10/02/2026 16:01

dairydebris · 10/02/2026 15:58

There is absolutely nothing aggressive in what I've written. Rather, the OP has called me multiple names. I haven't called her names once. She stayed with him after he made it clear he was a creep. That needs looking at. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear. Have at it.

Show quote history

So why have you got multiple deleted posts?

Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 16:05

Bibanova · 10/02/2026 15:47

I just want to say I’d love to put my arms around you and give you a massive hug. Please keep your chin up, I know your situation feels incredibly tough right now, and it’s going to take a huge amount of effort to work your way through it. Some Mumsnetters can be very quick to slip into victim blaming, which really doesn’t help. Just take it one step at a time. You’re doing the best you can.

Ohhhhhh Biba, you sweetheart .. and believe me there’s nothing I would love right now than to feel comforting arms around me! I’m at a loss to know what I’ve done wrong .. the POS and I are no longer together and I merely came here for support and practical advice regarding the housing situation but it turned into the biggest pile on and I was shouted down for defending myself! I’ll never allow myself to be vulnerable again on here .. thank you sweetheart .. those few kind words meant more to me than you could ever know 🌹

OP posts:
LVhandbagsatdawn · 10/02/2026 16:08

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this OP.

His behaviour it's absolutely no reflection on you and you bear absolutely no responsibility for it.

If he wants help, there are organisations out there like the Lucy Faithfull Foundation which he can contact. You could also, if you wanted, contact them under their Stop It Now initiative.

I hope your house sells soon.

Original poster
MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 16:12

dairydebris · 10/02/2026 15:58

There is absolutely nothing aggressive in what I've written. Rather, the OP has called me multiple names. I haven't called her names once. She stayed with him after he made it clear he was a creep. That needs looking at. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear. Have at it.

Show quote history

Dairy you have been aggressive and bullying throughout and I have had to report you several times! Without repeating myself too much I came here for kindness and support not finger pointing judgement… please understand I’m in a very dark place right now .. you have done more than enough damage with your cruelty now I’m asking you to leave me be. I defended myself which I have the right to do .. now once again I’m asking you not to comment on my post again.

OP posts:
justtheotheronemrswembley · 10/02/2026 16:14

I'm really sorry @MorrisHer that not only are you having to deal with this horrible man, you are also having to deal with far and away the worst display of disgraceful, loathesome, snide, aggressive and brutal bitchfest pile-ons I've ever seen on MN.

Fucking hell. What in God's name is wrong with people? I am appalled.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 10/02/2026 16:16

I'd live in the tent preferably, ir move back into the marital home. I'd feel sick just looking at him.

Whattodo1610 · 10/02/2026 16:17

Minjou · 10/02/2026 13:49

I cannot tell you how much you are mistaken. We don't prosecute people for their thoughts.

Show quote history

Maybe read all my posts. At no point have I said he’d be prosecuted.

OP: hello police, I want to report my (ex but still living with him) bf, he’s 63, he’s disclosed to me he is sexually attracted to children, he masturbates while driving, thinking about them.
Police: yeah we don’t want to know about that

🤔.. or maybe (and more likely)give us his details, car reg etc, we’ll keep it on record/look into it

Autumngirl5 · 10/02/2026 16:21

I would report him to the police and hopefully they would investigate him. I could not live under the same roof with such a vile excuse for a human being.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/02/2026 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lmnop22 · 10/02/2026 16:24

MorrisHer · 10/02/2026 14:02

I have and yes to all the above! I do have standards and a string moral code even if so many of the pile on gang here would disagree!

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That great just wanted to double check you’ve not decided to not rock the boat because you’re still living there.

Have you asked him to leave and he’s said no? Might be stating the obvious here just thinking he might have somewhere to stay.

Moonlightfrog · 10/02/2026 16:27

The sad thing is that there are many men who think this way 😬. As above ‘no one can be prosecuted for their thoughts’, he can’t be reported for having thoughts about young girls or masterbating. If you think about it a lot of porn has always been young women dressed in school uniform, there have even been music videos of female artists dress in tiny school uniforms? I am not saying there’s any excuse for it (it’s pretty grim for a 60+ year old man having thoughts about teenage girls, he’s old enough to be a grandad, how would he feel if he had a young daughter and dirty old men were master baiting over them?

OP, do what you can to leave him, reach out to friends or family or maybe apply for a council flat/house?

redjeans28 · 10/02/2026 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What is wrong with you? You are making up lies to beat the OP with. What do you mean 'crazy'? Also, it's just not true that OP has no support on here. There's you and a few other vocal bullies that are relentless in going after OP but I see lots of support.

pinkmustard · 10/02/2026 16:30

The idea that he’s so turned on when he sees children (because that’s what 13 year olds are) in the car he doesn’t even wait til he gets home to wank has honestly turned my stomach, your skin must be crawling OP.

You need to leave. Do you have funds for a cheap hotel or Airbnb? I know you say your adult children are busy but do talk to them - if my mum called me and told me this I’d want her out of that house in a heartbeat, I wouldn’t think twice!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/02/2026 16:31

redjeans28 · 10/02/2026 16:27

What is wrong with you? You are making up lies to beat the OP with. What do you mean 'crazy'? Also, it's just not true that OP has no support on here. There's you and a few other vocal bullies that are relentless in going after OP but I see lots of support.

Show quote history

No you’re wrong. I gave her advice and then saw what she was posting to others the second she started the thread! Also her previous threads. I haven’t bullied her or anyone’s believe me, but I stood up for myself against her weird aggression, which started the second she got responses.

and I have wished her well and reiterated my advice.

whats wrong with you 🙄🙄🙄

Veganpower · 10/02/2026 16:33

Hi op my apologies if this has already been mentioned, this organisation has advice and support relating to this matter.

https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-the-behaviour-of-another-adult/

https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-the-behaviour-of-another-adult/support-and-advice/inappropriate-thoughts-or-behaviour/sexual-thoughts-or-behaviour-towards-children/

They also have a confidential helpline for you to talk to someone.

redjeans28 · 10/02/2026 16:34

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/02/2026 16:31

No you’re wrong. I gave her advice and then saw what she was posting to others the second she started the thread! Also her previous threads. I haven’t bullied her or anyone’s believe me, but I stood up for myself against her weird aggression, which started the second she got responses.

and I have wished her well and reiterated my advice.

whats wrong with you 🙄🙄🙄

Show quote history

Another one with multple deleted posts but "I'm not a bully..." We see you.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/02/2026 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/02/2026 16:36

Have you reported the posts where the OP called you names, @mumofoneAloneandwell?

girljulian · 10/02/2026 16:40

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, OP. No advice but his vile thoughts and behaviour are not your fault.

FancyBiscuit · 10/02/2026 16:41

This is categorically not your fault OP, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm so sorry this happened to you❤️

KnickerlessParsons · 10/02/2026 16:41

Apart from his predilection for young girls…. He masturbates while he’s driving?? 😯

Boomer55 · 10/02/2026 16:42

I wouldn’t want to know him. Just dump and move on.