Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

He is 63 and thinks it’s ok to a) perve over under age girls and b) tell you about it.
I would kick this guy’s ass from here to the dark side of the moon for daring to try and justify his filth to his partner.
These men are getting bolder and bolder. They see our weak judiciary handing down little or no punishments for offences which used to mean jail sentences.
The direction of travel for treating children as sexual objects is getting worse and worse, it terrifies me.

You should be ashamed of yourself. I can't imagine a scenario where I would join in bullying a woman who's going through sheer hell, facing being homeless etc. OP has every right to defend herself against the likes of you, she's done nothing wrong. WTF is wrong with you?

Ahhhh there she is… the playground bully again attacking me on my own post .. bizarrely calling me out for defending myself against bullying little girls that like to make themselves feel good by victimising others!

Any man who uses porn is part of this …it’s endemic OP. No comfort and unacceptable but incredibly common.

Thank you Redjeans .. some bullies never grow out of it .. the setting just changes from the playground to behind a keyboard.. bless you for standing up for me 🌷

Barely legal is one of the most common porn search categories OP and much more prevalent than people think, I have at least one friend who has made the same discovery in terms of porn, and even worse, at least one whose partner was an offender.

Sadly not unusual, and what we do with the millions of men into these things, I do not know, but you can only tend your own patch of grass and I would make moves to get out asap, not waiting for house, as I think your feelings towards him will become disgust and contaminate you once you leave. I would take my mum back in over something like this (and you don't need to go into too many details) and I think a lot of people would.

Hope you manage to find a way sorted and I'm sorry this hasn't worked out. I say to every woman looking to date in later life to use Burned Haystacks Dating Method not because it's all fun dates but because it will help you spot major red flags before they even emerge, by examining dating profiles and early behaviour. Perhaps that's relevant to another time, but you were very vulnerable here and so you need extra help in that department.

I’m not the only person to state these facts!!! It’s commonly known and it’s a sad indictment of the times… what’s your point? What a weird comment you made!

@MorrisHer How has he reacted to you dumping him, and your disapproval at his attraction to 13/14 year olds?

These are very important points that determine how safe you are to actually stay in his house.

What has been his response to everything? What does he say about you continuing to stay with him? Did he try to justify himself about his perversion? Did he try to convince you not to dump him? Does he say he’s also attracted to you?

Report to the police. If he’s thinking about them he’s probably looking at images online so he IS harming them. It angers me so much this idea that “just looking” at images is harmless… ever single image is a child being harmed for their sick perversion.

Calm down. At least you know now.

@MorrisHer 😂😂😂 noone has abused you? You’re abusing everyone that tells you to leave your nonce boyfriend

you’ve posted lots of threads about him, people have told you to leave but you are still there - abusing others

your man is a nonce - leave him and you might have a shot at happiness - you’re clearly unhappy now

I haven’t chosen to stay with him!!! If you actually took the time to read my posts you would see we are NOT together, I am living under his roof.. I was asking for advice regarding my living situation and how to move forward.. I foolishly shared something extremely difficult, disturbing and vulnerable and instead of kindness and support it was met with judgement and bullying in your case!
You ridiculed me on several occasions and I’m asking you to go away and not reply on my post again! You have no idea how difficult my life is right now or the magnitude of what I’m going through so I’m telling you to take your poison elsewhere .. your words are not advice, they are cruel and unwarranted.

I would move into a refuge, bedsit or houseshare. But I wouldn't be spending one more night in the same house as that filth. He has told you the bare minimum to test your reaction.There is more..trust me on this.

This was for Dairy

@dairydebris Have you not RTFT? OP has NOWHERE to go. She's waiting for her house to be sold where her abusive exh is living with a young woman. She doesn't want to burden her children unfortunately. I think that I would in her place but we don't even know if they can/want to lodge her. It's not that simple to find somewhere to live. Although I do admit that I would think about renting a room with anyone just to get away from this perv. Anyway She's not complicit, she feels stuck because she doesn't have anyplace to go so it's not fair to berate her for that. She wants to get away so give some suggestions instead of being mean.

Reporting him to the police- agree - they may or may not do anything. He might already have something on his record. The police will tell you if they can do anything, but not telling them seems ridiculous. How is it going to harm op to tell the police? As for the priest comment - really, a priest- that’s laughable!

Op, go back to your house, your exh may be a monster but you know that house is never going to sell while he is benefitting of living in it.

Don’t apologise, and don’t feel sorry for yourself, head high, walk out and leave. He has told you two things that day: 1) He has pedophile tendencies and 2) He is not attracted to you, so it is much better to run away now before you end up more hurt.

If you actually took the time to read my posts you would see that I HAVE dumped him!!!! I am merely living under his roof until I can find alternative accommodation.. I came here to ask for practical advice regarding just that .. I needed kindness and support for something that has impacted me more deeply than you could ever know but instead I was met with judgement and abuse from people like you! I’m asking you not to comment on my posts again but your words are cruel and unkind and tantamount to bullying and that’s the last thing I need right now.

I think this is a good point, if he's confessed that, then there's likely more to come...

houseshares, like a bedsit or one room in someone's house are not too bad here, price-wise, move out and claim UB for housing costs? Just an idea, I have no idea of your finances.

I have read the full thread. She noticed her bf letching at minors- a 16 year old she guessed- and speaking about that 16 year old in an inappropriate way back in November. She stayed with him after that.
I don't think she's complicit. I think she feels terrible about this because she knew he was a creep way back then but stayed.
I am not berating her for that. Despite her calling me names. I am pointing out this might be why she feels so awful about it. And suggesting that by looking this full in the eye she might be able to learn from it.

Creeps are creeps. Best left as soon as you realise they are creeps. And if you don't leave, worth looking at the reasons why. Then perhaps it won't happen again.

I just want to say I’d love to put my arms around you and give you a massive hug. Please keep your chin up, I know your situation feels incredibly tough right now, and it’s going to take a huge amount of effort to work your way through it. Some Mumsnetters can be very quick to slip into victim blaming, which really doesn’t help. Just take it one step at a time. You’re doing the best you can.

Do people think the police keep files of non criminal allegations on people, just in case they later commit a crime? You think if you call the police to report what someone thinks about, they'll write it down and keep it?

It's not the fecking Stasi.

How's he reacting to being dumped but you still living in his house? You might qualify for emergency accommodation if he's not taking it well.

You've had multiple posts deleted now. I think you need to back off from the OP. I don't know what's making you so aggressive but you're taking it out on the wrong person.