My husband has left me

[Adviceseeker35]

Im sorry this could be long.

My husband came home from work Thursday barely speaking to me and was the same yesterday morning. He gets like this so I left him.

Got home from work and within minutes he said he couldn't handle this anymore and he was leaving me once he took our son swimming. I wouldn't let him do the swimming and told him to go. He said he doesn't feel loved and he dreads coming home to me and nothing has been right for years. He drove off and I found out from my brother in law where he went. I managed to speak to him on the phone later and he said were not worth trying to fix and he only supposes he loves me. He is coming home later.

I don't know what to do. One minute he's chatty and loving, and the next he's exploding at me saying he's leaving. This is not the first time he's stormed out. He really couldn't understand why I said I was upset.

It will probably come out that there is a woman.

But you aren’t painting a picture of a happy and loving marriage either. My guess the doesn’t feel loved/ dreads coming home is also true.

Ducks in Row

Let him go. Do you really want someone to stay who doesn't really want to be there?

He's said he's staying at his dads.

whats your marriage like usually ?

Usually means another woman. Either already started or he wants to start it. Wait for the announcement that he’s ’met someone’ after he’s made the announcement he’s left you.
It’s the script. To justify leaving he has to make sure the marriage is shit so he can feel blameless.

Let him go. It sound like it’s been over for years. Putting £10 on another woman.

It seems to be a pattern with him. I think everything is fine and then without warning he blows up at me. He walked out in October just after our wedding anniversary as he was annoyed with me about something and said he didn't feel loved it or like how he spoke to.him. Every time he does this i make an effort to change but he says he's the only one who has been trying.

One minute he's happy and chatty and the next barely speaking to me. He says it's his asd and autism that he's currently getting diagnosed for.

Let him go op.

Just sending a handhold OP. You sound confused and communications dont seem to work well in your relationship. Have you had an honest conversation about what you both want from your marriage? Might be worth trying. Do you want him to stay, for you not just your son?

He's behaving like a child blaming you and undiagnosed ASD/ADHD.
It sounds like classic deflection and making out that you are the 'bad guy' for not loving him enough.
There will likely be another woman.
Read about 'the script' as this sounds classic to me. I'll try and find the link.
This happened to me 2021 and it knocked the stuffing out of me. So sorry it's happened to you.
You will survive, it will be fine. It's just impossible to believe it when you're in the storm.
Hugs x

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/1527705-Midlife-crisis-this-is-the-script

Don't let him go - tell him to go.

He thinks he can walk out and then just waltz back in. He's right.

You need to change that. Take control and make the separation a reality. Perhaps that will give him some clarity.

Another woman.
It sounds bloody exhausting being married to him. Let him become someone else’s problem

He's doing that because you let him back in every time. Which I do understand and it took me three rounds of that bullshit to stop. I have autism and feel overwhelmed in relationships sometimes but I still take ownership of that and don't bolt at the first sign of disagreement. So it's a lame excuse on his part.

Why do you try to change every time and not just tell him to fuck off. Why are you pandering to this nonsense.

Good riddance to him!
Do you really want the rest of your life being him getting in a strop about something and walking out? What a prince he sounds.

Stop letting him back in when he changes his mind.

This is the first time he's walked out and stayed away overnight. But it's been several times he's walked out during the day or evening and has refused to tell me if he's coming back or not.

Why would you let someone treat you like that? Stop being a doormat.
Set the bar higher.

He thinks you're his mummy and you know what's going on with him without needing to be told. Not that mothers do necessarily feel that, but it's a common expectation of life partners that the other will intuit their feelings and behave accordingly, putting everything right. It's unrealistic, of course. He needs to sit down with you and talk. See if you can get him to.

Good luck.

I try and protect my son as much as possible but it's hard to explain why daddy has left when I don't know. All I can say it's not anything to do with him.