My husband has left me

[Adviceseeker35]

Im sorry this could be long.

My husband came home from work Thursday barely speaking to me and was the same yesterday morning. He gets like this so I left him.

Got home from work and within minutes he said he couldn't handle this anymore and he was leaving me once he took our son swimming. I wouldn't let him do the swimming and told him to go. He said he doesn't feel loved and he dreads coming home to me and nothing has been right for years. He drove off and I found out from my brother in law where he went. I managed to speak to him on the phone later and he said were not worth trying to fix and he only supposes he loves me. He is coming home later.

I don't know what to do. One minute he's chatty and loving, and the next he's exploding at me saying he's leaving. This is not the first time he's stormed out. He really couldn't understand why I said I was upset.

Hi again,

After what I thought was a nice half term, I was informed today that we've been separated for two weeks and we need to live separate lives but with us sharing the same house and doing family things with our son. Apparently a weight has now been lifted off his shoulders but he might change his mind in a few months.

I hope he’s going in the spare room and doing his own washing and cooking, what do you want to happen next.

Oh excellent
he won’t mind doing all his own washing etc and staying in with the kids next weekend whilst you go out on a date then ?

I think I hate him. He says we can still go out together. Which I was happy to try when there was hope. Now there's no hope unless he decides there is. Apparently he's been thinking about it for awhile.

Not allowed a hug as that's confusing but he'll lay on the bed and read with me.

Got an appointment for legal advice booked through work for next week.

@Adviceseeker35 I am so sick of all these people with poor behaviour / anger issues / chaotic lives etc blaming ND. Regardless there is a need to take personal responsibility and do what's needed to address the issues.
If he truly is AuDHD though he's probably doing you a favour to leave with his attitude.

Am so sorry OP.
If he does go, as hard as it will be, you won't have to be wrong footed like this anymore. It's a horrible dread feeling, the drama, the worry of it all.

I wish you very well for an easier, calmer future.

I'm sorry. This may be terribly unsettling. However, I am in the other woman group.

I've asked today and he claims there is no-one. I reminded him that two years ago he wanted an open marriage. His answer to that was that he only suggested it to Get what he wasn't getting from me. I don't trust him.

This.

I’ll never understand women who ‘beg’ a man to not leave. The damage is done. Let him go and focus on you and your son’s future. The marriage sounds like a dumpster fire.

Translation - he’s seeing how it goes with the woman has turned his head but he’ll keep you as back up in case she’s not interested in anything b more

You need to insist he leaves the home op. Get rid.

Am I allowed to tell him to leave? He keeps pointing out that it's our house.

He sounds like he's actively trying to mess with your head, and what he's suggesting does not sound sustainable. I would lay money on him having an OW, or another sexual outlet (eg sex workers).

I think either he should stay in the spare room, or you move in there.

Good for you for booking an appointment for legal advice. To prepare for that, get as much financial information together as you can.
After that meeting you will be in a better position to make a plan for what YOU want to do.

💐

Well, if it’s a jointly owned house the answer is no, you can’t force him to leave if he doesn’t want to.

Why are you letting him call all the shots OP. He decides? Tell him to fuck off. Your poor kid is soaking all of this up.

See a solicitor, find out your rights. You can't keep a kid in the middle of this shit.

Point out to him that seperate lives means new relationships at some point for both of you and how does he expect that to work?

Lying on the bed reading indeed. I'd have laughed in his face.

If the house is in both your names then no you can’t make him leave, you should be putting a lock on whichever bedroom door you are using, move him properly into the other room with his stuff and stop cooking, doing washing etc for him.
You need to get tough I’m afraid because he’s playing with you and being manipulative. I wouldn’t be going out as a family and you should both be spending equal time with your son apart from each other, not family outings.
It sounds like the house will need to be sold, seek legal advise asap and find your anger. He’s behaving awfully!

Love this!

This, for your son's sake if nothing else - he must be so confused.

Draw your lines, this self-absorbed manchild does not get to call the shots at you and your child's expense.

He’s already left! just tell him you don’t want him back if the relationship was so bad and he doesn’t love you anymore why would he want to come back apart from being full of shit in the first place!

I wonder whether he’s received advice not to leave the marital home, he’s made it clear he isn’t going to consider your feelings. There’s no way I would play happy families at the weekend, do something with your DC yourself or let him do something.

Sorry I didn’t read the new posts and can see he’s back. Just split your time with your child, he does stuff with him one weekend you do it the next.
Don’t do anything else for him such as washing, cooking etc.
it’s not going to be easy but you might need to toughen up a bit and tell him you don’t want him back!
I think he’s playing games with you snd it’s very controlling

We were going to go out as a family tomorrow but I've put a stop to that now.

He's just cooked dinner and is acting all normal.

He sounds like a sadist OP.
Deliberately trying to destroy your mental health.

I think that's the perfect word to describe him.

Just asked if there was anything to watch on TV tonight

I know it’s hard but you have to kick him out or leave with your son. Otherwise he will never have the space to miss you and want you back or the space for both of you to recognise it’s the end and start to make positive steps forwards.

Living together, eating together, going out as a family together is just giving him his cake and letting him eat it. He owes you no loyalty or commitment yet he gets to lie on your bed and read/eat dinner/play happy families when it suits and walk out when it doesn’t!