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Original poster

Are you married to the love of your life?

209 replies

GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 12:28

There’s been lots of discussion around whether men actually marry the women they love or whether they marry the person who‘s in the picture when they’re ready to marry/good for marriage and I wanted to see if it’s the same for women.

How many of us would actually say we’re married to the love of their lives? Or maybe you don’t believe in the love of your life but you are deeply in love with the person you’ve married.

I’ll go first. I’m happily married but my husband is not the loml. I’ve had two great loves but neither of them would have been good for marriage. The first one, cheated relentlessly but other than that major flaw our relationship was wonderful and the second, we would have had serious financial issues. This guy was always investing in some get rich quick scheme and never wanted to work a proper job. He was lots of fun but could never offer stability.

OP posts:
goudacheese · 06/02/2026 13:27

I think so, we met very young 42 years ago so nobody else to compare him with but I do truly love him.

Nogimachi · 02/06/2026 13:28

Yes, absolutely.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 02/06/2026 15:16

GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 12:28

There’s been lots of discussion around whether men actually marry the women they love or whether they marry the person who‘s in the picture when they’re ready to marry/good for marriage and I wanted to see if it’s the same for women.

How many of us would actually say we’re married to the love of their lives? Or maybe you don’t believe in the love of your life but you are deeply in love with the person you’ve married.

I’ll go first. I’m happily married but my husband is not the loml. I’ve had two great loves but neither of them would have been good for marriage. The first one, cheated relentlessly but other than that major flaw our relationship was wonderful and the second, we would have had serious financial issues. This guy was always investing in some get rich quick scheme and never wanted to work a proper job. He was lots of fun but could never offer stability.

@GoldenGirl85 here's the thing, in short, the answer is yes, i believe i married the love of my life, my soulmate, BUT and it's a big BUT, things change, in the last 17 years of homebuilding and family nurturing something has changed, not in me, my love has grown over this period, however i'm almost certain my partner has spent some of that time withdrawing, i'm not saying she doesn't still love me but i can't feel it. I'm not saying i always get everything right, i'm not saying that her hormone changes haven't changed the person she is today but i do question whether a love can be for life.

NovemberMorn · 02/06/2026 15:41

OMGDidYouSayThat · 02/06/2026 15:16

@GoldenGirl85 here's the thing, in short, the answer is yes, i believe i married the love of my life, my soulmate, BUT and it's a big BUT, things change, in the last 17 years of homebuilding and family nurturing something has changed, not in me, my love has grown over this period, however i'm almost certain my partner has spent some of that time withdrawing, i'm not saying she doesn't still love me but i can't feel it. I'm not saying i always get everything right, i'm not saying that her hormone changes haven't changed the person she is today but i do question whether a love can be for life.

Show quote history

It's sad when in a marriage one of the partners develops a deeper love and the other one doesn't, but it happens. Maybe 17 years on, her feelings towards you have changed, which is understandable, because in that time you both will have changed.
I have been married for over 50 years; obviously, in that time we have both changed in different ways, but we have somehow ended up still happy.

I can see it could have gone in a different direction, and I think for many couples they lose what drew them together and just don't build on that.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 02/06/2026 16:05

NovemberMorn · 02/06/2026 15:41

It's sad when in a marriage one of the partners develops a deeper love and the other one doesn't, but it happens. Maybe 17 years on, her feelings towards you have changed, which is understandable, because in that time you both will have changed.
I have been married for over 50 years; obviously, in that time we have both changed in different ways, but we have somehow ended up still happy.

I can see it could have gone in a different direction, and I think for many couples they lose what drew them together and just don't build on that.

Show quote history

@NovemberMorn i think you are right, 17 years is a long time and people will definitely change along the way, i can't say i'm not happy, i'm not depressed, or angry that things are like this, i guess it's just hard to not feel wanted by the person you love & the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. I certainly don't think i'm alone reading some of the comments on here, i hear people say don't just stay for your kids etc but they are probably the only ones in this world that hold the kind of unconditional love that makes me feel whole.

MintyPig1989 · 02/06/2026 17:36

Deleted 😞

PumpkinPieAlibi · 02/06/2026 17:50

CurlewKate · 06/02/2026 12:39

I just think perpetuating the myth that you are “settlIng” if you don’t connect with the one person in eight billion who is the love of your life is very destructive.

Edited

This is so true.

I actually find it more romantic to think you've found someone who you CHOOSE to build a life with. Not that you two were fated to be together. How many people think that and are then cheated on or lied to or abused? And then stay, because they think it was meant to be.

You can love your person totally and completely whilst still acknowledging there may be a handful of others out there you can make it work with BUT, the point is you don't want to.

Love is a choice and an action.

Also @moderate has it right. It's impossible to KNOW you've found 'the one' with 8 billion people out there. But that doesn't cheapen the deep, intense connection we feel with our spouses in any way. And by acknowledging we chose our spouses and love them deeply, it doesn't make it less romantic or fated than calling them a 'soulmate'.

NovemberMorn · 02/06/2026 18:21

OMGDidYouSayThat · 02/06/2026 16:05

@NovemberMorn i think you are right, 17 years is a long time and people will definitely change along the way, i can't say i'm not happy, i'm not depressed, or angry that things are like this, i guess it's just hard to not feel wanted by the person you love & the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. I certainly don't think i'm alone reading some of the comments on here, i hear people say don't just stay for your kids etc but they are probably the only ones in this world that hold the kind of unconditional love that makes me feel whole.

Show quote history

Love for your children is very different from romantic love, though. People can swap and change lovers, even when they have been deeply in love with them, but we can never swap and change our children...the bond is very different.

I don't think it's up to your wife to make you feel whole, that's up to you. Maybe your wife has just got out of the habit of being affectionate, sometimes life gets in the way. I always think, from my own experience, that talking about issues helps, rather than just feeling them.
Good luck.

MsSmartShoes · 11/06/2026 10:14

I am, but I could have made a better choice for marriage.

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