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Original poster

Are you married to the love of your life?

201 replies

GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 12:28

There’s been lots of discussion around whether men actually marry the women they love or whether they marry the person who‘s in the picture when they’re ready to marry/good for marriage and I wanted to see if it’s the same for women.

How many of us would actually say we’re married to the love of their lives? Or maybe you don’t believe in the love of your life but you are deeply in love with the person you’ve married.

I’ll go first. I’m happily married but my husband is not the loml. I’ve had two great loves but neither of them would have been good for marriage. The first one, cheated relentlessly but other than that major flaw our relationship was wonderful and the second, we would have had serious financial issues. This guy was always investing in some get rich quick scheme and never wanted to work a proper job. He was lots of fun but could never offer stability.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 15:25

Daisydoesnt · 04/02/2026 12:54

Yes me too. I had dreadful taste in boyfriends in my twenties, but thankfully finally got my act together when I met my DH! A diamond of a man.

So is he the loyl or just a good for marriage man? Or both ?

OP posts:
ColinRobinsonsFart · 04/02/2026 15:26

Yup - third husband
this one i should’ve met 40 years ago….
been married 20 years now

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 04/02/2026 15:27

For sure. I think he is too but I was only his second girlfriend and the first one terrorised him so I don’t think there’s much comp.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 04/02/2026 15:28

DH and I both have a "one that got away". A person we probably could have been very happy with had the circumstances been different

But they weren't and we both consider ourselves lucky to have found each other. We have this conversation every decade ot so, when our extended families do or demand something we just cannot understand

We met in 85, married in 89 and aren't bored with each other yet

And yes, we do argue, disagree, put up with ahit we don't like from the other. On balance we are still better together

Tarkan · 04/02/2026 15:30

I am but he can still be an annoying twat at times. 🤣

AtYourPleasure · 04/02/2026 15:57

I'd hate to be married to the LOML and know/think that he didn't feel the same way about me.

And yet, there are many living like that - because we never really know if you're "the one" or the one who was just there.

tuvamoodyson · 04/02/2026 16:00

Yes, he is the best thing that’s ever happened to me! ❤️

Hotchocolate4 · 04/02/2026 16:04

Yes, I have friends going through divorces and I was probably naive that most people are happy.

The older I get the more I realise people aren’t truly happy in their relationships and i am very lucky to have the relationship I do.

My husband is the love of my life, he’s such a lovely man. I like the phrase if you went into a room and with everyone you ever met who would you look for….i would look for him.

dudsville · 04/02/2026 16:07

I am!

blankcanvas3 · 04/02/2026 16:09

18 years and I’m still excited to see him when he comes home from work. I would consider him to be the love of my life, I can’t imagine loving anybody as much as I do him. But equally, as much as I can’t imagine him doing so, if he became horribly violent next week then he wouldn’t be the love of my life. I think you can probably only make that deduction when you’re on your death bed!

ADHDFocusedLife · 04/02/2026 16:12

No...maybe i am unlucky.thats a regret.

Mimosaandonwards · 04/02/2026 16:12

MapleOakPine · 04/02/2026 12:35

I don't believe in soulmates or that there's one right person or anything like that. But I am married to the man I have loved most in my life (by a long way!).

Me too. 31 years in March. Still look forward to him coming home every night (I WFH) and spending evenings and weekends together.

CaptainSevenofNine · 04/02/2026 16:18

Yes. I really am. I love spending time with him. We plan days off together and I’m looking forward to spending more “us” time when we can. Hopefully not just when we retire.

I fell for him quickly, the sex was fab (still is and gets better). I’ve seen him be a great Dad and an excellent son (the way he cared for his Mum as she was dying and now cares for his Dad as he gets frailer is incredible). He’s my best friend, lover, and partner in crime in all things.

love him so much.

ETA been together 24 years this year and married for 22.

IsThisLifeNow · 04/02/2026 16:19

I honestly thought I was, but I was not the love of his life, he came out after 10 years and 2 kids together. Its absolutely devastated me and I don't think I've actually dealt with it fully yet despite it being 10 months now. We are still living together for the sake of our 2 young children, and to be civil I've been ignoring a lot of my feelings, which I agree, isn't healthy.

But he's eventually agreed to buy me out and hopefully moving in 9 weeks time. I hate what he's done to our family, but I think I still actually love him, I cannot wait to get moved out so I can out some distance between us and get on with the healing process

itsmycheese · 04/02/2026 16:25

I don't believe in LOML (for me anyway, everyone experiences love differently, as evidenced on this thread). My love for DH is quite fluid , sometimes it feels deep and urgent, other times gentle and safe and on occasion, has been almost absent.

I think we will stay married for the rest of our lives, and for the most part be extremely happy, but that's more to do with our general compatibility and enjoyment of each other than love in the romantic sense.

I will say that the way I felt about past "loves" can't compare to how I feel about DH, but then I was only 22 when we met. The others were school boyfriends, university lovers, long-distance heartache. Completely different to the decades of life-sharing I've done with my husband.

corycarson · 04/02/2026 16:30

No.

I fail to believe that of all of the billions of people in the world, soulmates tend to find each other locally (in most cases)

there is definitely someone out there probably better suited

AuntieDote · 04/02/2026 16:34

No, I don't think I am.

I love my husband, I'm glad I'm married to him. We're happy. I probably settled though - I wanted kids and was running out of time. And it's not fair to say settled really, that implies he's lacking something and he really isn't, he's incredible and I definitely fell in love with him. Just not that 'oh my god the LOVE OF MY LIFE' type of way.

I'm just not sure I'm a 'love of my life' type person. Truth be told he probably wouldn't say that about me either - he loves me I know that, but he's just not that kind of guy. I don't even know how to explain it because it's not that we're not happy, or not loving. We just are in quite a quiet way!

My ex, who I was with for 15 years all told from being very young, is the only other realistic contender and we had a really incredible relationship in terms of the fun we had, the way we talked, the sex, shared history, growing up together etc etc. But then he cheated on me, a lot it turns out and probably throughout, so how can you say someone that shitty is the love of your life? He certainly wasn't once that all came out. And I never for a second thought about going back or wanted to, it was quite cut and dry once I knew.

Even with him, I wasn't all heart eyes, fireworks and butterflies. I'm not entirely sure that's in me honestly, there's one person I felt something like that with, and he was truly fucked up and I probably would have been too had it lasted any longer than it did. And I couldn't hand on heart say I really liked him as a person, more just had inexplicably intense chemistry with.

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 04/02/2026 16:43

Definitely. I've never met anyone as amazing as him and he feels the same. We've been together a long time and it keeps getting better.

Imisscoffee2021 · 04/02/2026 16:46

Yes, met at 23 as flatmates. Best friend and my true kindred spirit in life. Wonderful father too.

DiscoDuck40 · 04/02/2026 16:47

I don't think I have ever had a love of my life. Maybe I'm not the sort to see life in those sort of terms. I have married someone I didn't love and that went to shit. I have also married someone I was really in love with and that went to shit, too.

Now I'm married to someone who is kind, decent and loyal. He is by far the nicest and most loving partner I have ever had. Not sure this means anything really, other than I have learned to pick better partners as I have aged.

momtoboys · 04/02/2026 16:50

I am not but I am married to a truly good man who is best for me. I am grateful for him but not as grateful as I should be.

MightyGoldBear · 04/02/2026 17:01

Yes we are. Pass the sick bucket but we actually refer to eachother as loml 😂

All previous relationships just didn't even come close for both of us. We are like puzzle pieces that fit together. Also both nurodiverse so that might play into it too.

I don't believe in soul mates or only one person for everyone. Although maybe I do I can't really imagine being with anyone else. That might be because so many men are rather rubbish though.

I agree that many men and probably women too can "settle"
I see some men almost view women like a car or object a nice to have status symbol rather than a true team mate.

maras2 · 04/02/2026 17:05

Yes, married for 50 years but together for 57.
I was 15, he was 19. Neither of us had had previous relationships as our parents frequently pointed out but we're still here and still the love of each others lives.

LilyBunch25 · 04/02/2026 17:07

Yes

Angrybird76 · 04/02/2026 17:09

I think the whole 'love of your life' thing is nonsense akin to soul mates. There are people who you are more attracted or right for than others, but there isnt just one, and doesn't mean if you find that one, you will never find it again. It's fairytale stuff. Happy ever after isnt real. Long term relationships are hard work and just thinking they are 'the one' isn't enough - you have to learn and grow and forgive each other over and over again. It's also a fallacy as people can, and do, truly love their partner who then passes away and they move on and meet someone else who they also love. Loving someone else doesn't mean the previous person wasn't loved. It's like the concept of 'best friends'. Never signed up to that either.